Jamie Foxx, nuff said

I haven't even seen "Ray" but based on seeing Jamie Foxx on Inside the Actor's Studio tonight, Jamie Foxx should get the damn Oscar, okay?

The man can sing, play piano, act, look incredibly hot and calls himself a "Southern Gentleman." (Something I love in men frankly.) Oh, and I'm a sucker for a man that talks about his grandmother with the respect of someone speaking about a god.

All I'm saying is, if there was an award show for smoothness, Mr. Foxx has it. Okay, I'm going now. Damn, I don't know why that got me all fired up.

(Oh, and I turned on the feature that requires people to sign in to leave comments. It makes it easier to make up names for hateful people. "Anonymous" doesn't rhyme with much. Cheers!)

S-A-T-U-R-D-A-Y Night!

I'm not sure what hit me. Maybe it was the power of the "hair" bestowed upon me by Peter. However, upon arrival home I did the following:
1.) Rearranged my closet by style/season/where I wear it.
2.) I purchased more flattering make-up while I was out earlier so I cleaned out my make-up bin by throwing away all the glitter and pink mascara from my "trying hard to look interesting yet funky at the club" days.
3.) I reorganized our food pantry by type of food and what meal it corresponds with.
4.) I bought a new spice rack and therefore, organized my spices, oils and what-nots directly above the stove where God intended them.
5.) Moved my bedroom around to include a space for me to create things, lift weights and sleep all in the same 3 foot by 3 foot space.

All on a Saturday night with no wine necessary whatsoever. Man, being anal is lame sometimes, but oh so exhilirating! Especially when followed by a pickle and some Young Ones box set!

Going through my pictures I also found this gem: One of my favorite pics from when my sister was here.

Oh, I just noticed my utensil drawer is not organized by size or use, gotta go!

Bloggers rock!

Thanks for commenting guys! I also appreciate the explanation on "hateful retard's" path of thinking. I was really confused. I still don't agree but at least I don't think there is a mental institution missing a patient. (Okay, maybe I do.)

So hey, let's go back to my superficial little world eh? Hee hee. I got my hair cut by the always lovely and smartly dressed Peter. Is it bad that I can pick him out of a line-up based on only a waist-down, line-up of boys in wool slacks? Anyhoo, he cut my hair a little shorter than I liked but damn it looks healthy. And god love him, he saw me, sat me down in the sink area for a wash and the first thing out of his mouth: "So how are the bangs?"

He even gave me more bangs as a treat! And I'm going in for my first professional coloring and highlights next weekend because he kept muttering "Ugh, we have to do something about this blonde" as he cut my hair. I could hear the loathing dripping off the word "blonde" everytime he said it. I couldn't tell him no!

So no gratitious pictures of my hair just yet. I'm sure you wll be waiting with bated breath. I'll give you tons after my dye job, deal?

Man, I'm bubbly and in the mood to kiss someone. God damn I love Saturdays.

Crazyville, Pop. One

I have to ask you guys, since apparently you read blogs. Do you ever talk with your "real-life" friends about the "online people" you read? Almost like you all know them?

Well, I do with a certain few. One of which I've been reading since both of my friends have been going through struggles with pregnancy, etc. To summarize, this chick had a really tough year. She lost a son, had a scary pregnancy and finally was just blessed with some twins after a long ass time. I've been reading her daily for the past year or so. She writes honestly, something I can appreciate. But today, somebody sent this woman a really hateful email. Which read: WHAT A HORRIBLE HUMAN BEING YOU ARE- YOU DO NOT DESERVE CHILDREN! THERE'S A PLACE IN HELL FOR PEOPLE LIKE YOU.

So, being the reactionary and over-protective person I am (yes I realize I don't know the owner of the blog, but you can only read so much before feeling like you do), I sent this bitch (her email: bellasmommie@adelphia.net) an email in her defense. As did tons of other of Tertia's faithful readers, I'm sure.

I sent her several emails back and forth and she pretty much just confirmed her ignorance since one of the emails included: "Better to be insane than a murderer." And I have no idea what she is talking about. Unless she's in some weird cult that thinks giving birth is murder?

I know that hateful retard will check out my site out of curiousity and I love me some gossip, so why not bring it to light on here too. Oh and BELLAMOMMIE: "Welcome! Pull up a chair and actually try reading the site before you comment, Jackass!"

I read a lot of blogs that get hate-mail or hateful comments. Really really hurtful comments usually from out of left field. I cannot imagine doing that to someone. I haven't received any, but I guess I'm not that controversial either. I was curious how you fellow blog readers felt about someone leaving a comment like that on your site. How would you respond?

Sloppy Weekend

Whew, glad this week is over. Tonight I hope to meet up with some pals for drinks after a delicious dinner with theMan at our cafe. Tomorrow a hair appointment with the God known as Peter (expect pictures) then major cleaning. I can't freaking wait either. Cleanliness of our apartment=sanity for your good pal Kitten.

Oh and for the record, I don't blame everything in my life on my parents. Just thought I should add that disclaimer since my last therapy update was heavy on the "how fucked up my childhood was."

Oh and yet another fabulous recipe I must share:
Turkey Sloppy Joes - Serves 4
1 lb. turkey breast (ground)
1/4 tsp. black pepper
1/2 red onion (chopped)
1 cup (8 oz.) tomato sauce
1/4 cup barbeque sauce
1/2 cup ketchup
1 tsp. chilli powder
Dash of hot sauce

Cook turkey, onions and black pepper in skillet until meat is no longer pink. Then add rest of ingredients in skillet and stir. Simmer. Add on wheat bun with lettuce and viola! I also like to put on a slice of fat free cheese.

This took me maybe 20 minutes to prepare and was delicious. Plus it freezes for later use!

Have a good one!

Books for my Head

I forgot to list some book suggestions from Dr. H. She said she normally doesn't suggest books because she doesn't want her patients to feel like there is homework. Bless her, but I love homework, so I said....give it to ma!

-The Places that Scare You by Pema Chadron.
-Dance of Anger by Harriett Lerner (Or any of the "Dance of..." series)
-Healing the Shame that Binds You by John Bradshaw
-The Artist's Way: A Spiritual Path to Higher Creativity (Inner Workbook) by Julia Cameron.

She said to search these books guilt free, no pressure and to see if I'm led to other titles instead. So you do that too, because Dr. H. said so. ;)

Validation

Dr. Happiness's word of the day: Validation and why I have none of it.

When I was growing up we moved around constantly, my mom had different husbands, we went to different schools, had different step-brothers and sisters but I remember always having to adjust, be okay with it. I don’t remember ever talking to anyone important to me about how that made me feel. I had to live with my mom mostly, except thankfully for the retreats to my grandparents houses. I don’t blame my sister for leaving to live with her dad at times, I'm glad she did for her sanity, but I couldn’t really. I had to stick it out I suppose. I probably couldn’t have if I wanted too because of the responsibility I felt for my mom. But I never remember anyone sitting me down and asking me how any of it made me feel. In opposite, I was made to feel like I had to take care of everyone else. My family relies on denial, which means no one ever gets to validate how they feel, everything is suppose to be fine all the time. And if you do feel anything? Well, you had better not even think you feel worse about something than someone else. There is only so much grief/sadness to go around and you aren’t getting all the sad chips, my friend.

My sense of not knowing if it’s okay to feel a certain way, or want certain things, feeling selfish is because I wasn't allowed to feel sad or allowed to feel anything but okay. I had to adapt (i.e. be a caretaker of mom, sister, husband, etc.). She thinks I was not surrounded by a lot of people that make me feel okay to be unhappy.

She also made me see another connection. As I said, my life growing up was chaotic. Different houses, marriages, etc. so not only do I never settle, but I sometimes settle just to tell myself I don’t want to be like it was. Subconsciously, she said some of what made me attracted to theMan was for living in same house his whole life, same parents, etc. although I’m sure he found it sorta exciting I didn’t.

I also don’t let myself get attached too much because I expect everything to change suddenly at a moment’s notice. Why I can move every year with no regrets, why I can shut myself off from people once I decide they are out of my life.

I am also extremely tolerant of people and situations and I don’t know when I shouldn’t be because I’ve always had to adapt. Again-boundaries. Thus, staying in a shitty job for 4 years because I felt like it was irresponsible of me to quit, like my mom does.

She said she can envision how everything in my life was always crazy and dramatic, and I would shrink away in the corner so I wasn’t apart of the problem. But in turn, I was not given attention.

But the good thing is that I can see why and when I’m doing things. She thinks I’m definitely moving in the right direction and I’m growing. Interesting stuff. Especially the validation part. I never made that connection before, but I think it’s true. My sister reads this so maybe she can remember a time mom said it was okay that we felt sad about all of our chaotic life changes, etc. I sure don’t.

I’m so glad I didn’t cancel this appointment! I even learned another thing...I like hot tea with no sugar! Hallelejah!

Bye-bye

We're back to an apartment that seems a lot less alive than it did earlier this week. Jamie left the dishes done, our house smelling like her perfume, the Young Ones box set and a ton of fun memories.

Yea, I cried a little on the ride home.

Mixed Emotions

My sister is going to leave tomorrow afternoon after a nice, long, fun visit. And mostly I'm sad. I can feel it behind my eyes and in my heart that I'm going to bawl when we drive away. She's back to the sister I missed and loved that was hidden underneath scary narcotics, lies and a life of crime. I'm not ready to give up seeing her everyday yet.

I'm fiercely protective of her too. And going back to Godville, although it's safe for her as far as not being around drugs, is strict and militant and not a religion I believe is helpful for anything other than making someone who was unresponsible follow strict rules.

I suppose there are selfish reasons for wanting her here too. I'm proud of her. I like showing her off to my friends because she's hilarious, pretty, silly and fun. She's tough too, I suppose maybe she's the things I wish I was more of. She also makes me feel 100% normal in the way I think and act. We may not look anything alike but I believe we think alike. We definitely have the same sense of humor.

You've forgiven me for the lack of Daily Pix, so please forgive me if I need to tear up a little for a few days. I already miss her.

10 Things

10 things to get to know your blogger better:

1.) I am a compulsive dipper. Tuna & crackers, Cheez-its and salsa, Barbeque chips and ketchup. I cannot eat something without dipping it in something else, even if it’s disgusting.

2.) I was trained to be a Hazardous Material clean-upper gal. Which means I took 40 hours out of my life, suited up in Level B outfits, cut off my oxygen supply and breathed from a tank in 100 degree heat to cork up a bunghole on a barrel so I could protect a shitty factory from screw-ups of Chernobyl magnitude. But damn was that gas mask sexy.

3.) I cannot stand to have dirt in my nails or toenails. Lint, dirt, food, anything. That is why I do not have long fingernails, my tweezers are not for eyebrows and when you see me my fingers will be in my mouth.

4.) I can no longer burp without saying “BELCH” when I do it.

5.) I want to dye my hair black.

6.) I don’t enjoy showering really and Sundays are usually deemed a “shower-free” zone.

7.) It makes my skin crawl to have wet, unbrushed hair.

8.) I am 5' 9" and thank the thigh-gods for that.

9.) You know how conspiracy theorists say that people are mind-controlled and their trigger is “Catcher in the Rye”? Mine is anything in light blue. I’m drawn to it. However, it doesn’t make me want to kill anyone, just buy it, in bulk.

10.) I love sex and I love sleep and currently those 2 are running neck and neck for the #1 space on my favorite things to do list.

Oh and also, I love making lists.

Oh and...

Just an update for those keeping score at home...the eating/cooking healthy thing is going pretty darn good. I don't think I've lost any weight or anything, in fact I feel enormous, but I feel better mentally a bit. More in control and I'm excited to see if it helps my mood any. This week the plan is to curb my portions a bit. After seeing my 110 lb. sister eat, I think she might be on to something.

theMan however, is losing weight rapidly. I asked him if he killed any gypsies, but he doesn't remember.

I'm still not looking at this as a diet with a goal of X pounds to lose. I'm just going to add in a few tricks to see if that happens as a side effect.

I've found a lot of great recipes too which I'll try to post. Here's one of our favorites which I swear is better than it sounds:

Taco Pasta Salad

1/2 lb. lean ground beef
Packet of taco seasoning
1 green bell pepper
4 oz. tri-color rotini pasta
Salsa
Fat free sour cream
Low-fat/Fat free mexican cheese

Brown hamburger until no longer pink. Add cut up green pepper and taco seasoning (with water requirements on back of packet). Let simmer. Boil pasta in saucepan. Add pasta, hamburger mixture, cheese, salsa & sour cream in bowl and serve.

Easy and delicious.

Snow balls

Despite the 12 inches (if not more) of snow that completely blanketed the entire Chicago area on Friday night, we had a fabulous weekend. Friday night we braved the major blizzard to go to the store. To stock up on bread and milk?? No, margarita mix. Because you do NOT want to be stuck indoors without margarita mix. Then we stopped by the pub. I mean, were we suppose to stay indoors??

Besides that we mostly kept indoors except for a snowball fight/snow tag/snow hotdog building jaunt out to the park on Saturday night.

Surprisingly some neighbors were out Saturday night too in the snow and challenged us to a war. One guy even had war paint on. Our neighborhood takes it's snow wars seriously.

Sister is still here due to the snow. And well, due to the fact that I don't want her to ever leave. Hee hee. "They" closed down Lake Shore Drive so I guess we weren't going anywhere anyways.

We're having a blast. Major game playing, movie watching and general laughing. Can I be more clear that I do not want to be at work?

Punkin Pie and a side of Monkey

As promised, I've added a few pics from last weekend's GWO as well as the only picture of my sister with her eyes fully open.

Meet the cutest little monkey I know.

My girls and some much needed cocktails.

How I spent my Sunday and why it was the most enjoyable thing I could have done because I'm not sure if you knew this, but babies, particularly Grace, are FREAKING ADORABLE.

See! The only known picture of my sister without her looking like she's high.

Have a good weekend, I'm going to get shitfaced.

Drunk-30

The following is from an email from Jzn regarding our plans for this evening, I got this link and this text.

94 arrests in 2004 alone, off to a quick start in 2005 as well. In total over 900 arrests since 2002.

The bar has been set for the evening.

*Editor's note: Link may be down. I think others are trying to set some goals tonight too.*

Let Go

I’m listening to the Garden State soundtrack, drinking a Oregon Chai Latte and wishing desperately I could be anywhere but here.

Ever have one of those days?

*Everything looks perfect from far away. Come down now, they’ll say.*

Desayuno means breakfast

First things first, sorry for the lack of updates on my pictures. I will resume shortly!

Secondly, the visit with my sister is going wonderful! I feel validated for my quirks and silliness and love of gangsta rap, because she does too. More so than me. And don't ya love someone that can share an "inside joke"? We've had nights filled with movies, chai lattes, collored greens, weird acid trip movies and even a little shopping. I never want her to leave.

Thirdly, after 2 weeks, I finally made it back to my doctor’s office. Oh, Dr. Happiness, how I missed thee. Lately I was feeling like the Mayor of Crazytown (thanks Lemony Snickett movie for that one), but she did point out at least I have a position of power as the Mayor in Crazytown, it’s not like I’m just a lower level official. Bless her.

First things first: I need to do some self guided imagery for myself. The words “re-parent” came up several times too. I didn’t realize it but the fact that even my conception was negative and unwanted might have a lot to do with my feelings now. Not to mention the years and years of trying to feel wanted with my bio-dad, etc. When I was conceived/born I’ve learned it was possibly used to as a manipulative tool by my mother to get my dad to stay and not go to college. She almost got an abortion, I was suppose to be retarded, etc. Then there is that whole anti-christ thing, but I’m not going there now. So no expectations when I was born and that can shape a person, I suppose.

She said I need to try to “reparent” myself by spending time thinking about what my life would be like if I had parents who wanted me at birth, had hopes for me to become what I’ve always wanted to do, etc. A more supportive network of people in my life basically. Basically because I will not be able to change them but my needs aren’t getting met either.

I told her that at any time she felt like she wanted to just slap me and tell me what I need to do, feel free. She found it interesting that by me wanting someone to just tell me what to do because that’s how I’ve lived my life. With people putting their opinions on me i.e. college, work, etc. So it’s only natural to feel that way. People not trusting my decisions for my life or not being supportive. Which leads me to my next task.....

I also need to trust my gut but take stock in how I feel when I make decisions for myself. I don’t trust my own decisions. So she said when I want to make a decision look at what emotion is behind it. Anger, sadness, excitement, etc.

Take stock every day, 5 things that made me feel good/peaceful and 5 things that were draining. She said I have a lot of negative thoughts about myself which I need to take stock of. And one way of taking stock is by WRITING IT DOWN! Hello blogging!

I always feel better after a session with her. But today I feel like I’ve got a challenge ahead of me too. A big one.

Punkin'

Returned yesterday from yet another much needed GWO. It wasn't as action packed, but it was perfect. Plus I got to hold the sweetest little girl I've met. Oh my gosh. It now means I will be flying to Columbus a lot more because honestly, I don't think I can wait another year to see the sweetest little piece of punkin' pie. Did I mention she grunts and toots and it's hilarious? Oh, she's going to fit right in.

Probably won't update too much this week. My sister is visiting us all week and I'm going to take full advantage! Yesterday we went grocery shopping for ice cream and coffee, watched the Golden Globe Red Carpet coverage and drooled over men, and made grilled peanut butter & jelly sandwiches. That was just day 1 with her! Woo hooo!! Hopefully Friday we'll be going dancing and of course, shopping at some point.

This weekend/week is just what I needed.

Gone

I'm leaving today on a jet airliner to get my fill of babies with black hair, girlfriends with tons of fun and gi-normous amounts of smores and hot wings.

Have a good one!

Memory Lane

Let's start young, shall we?

How the love affair started.

My family makes peanut brittle every year for Christmas. It's a tradition that's passed down. Eventually I'll have to do it, which will mean I will no longer be able to haul my fat ass down to the mall to get velcro shoes and more sweat pants. The makings of a friendship with peanut brittle.

Every year, my mom took us to King's Island in Ohio. This was how happy it made me.

Okay, so I told you one of the worse costumes I've ever worn was when I was a horse? I was actually the ass.

Dude. My brush with a star.

Beware. You are about to think less of me because of a haircut.

Oh, Prom. He had a Camero. Could I be more redneck?

You could say I was a pack rat? But to really know, you'd have to see my room as a teenager.

The bad hair do saga continues. And I have the pictures to prove it. Christmas Dance 1972.

Put on your shades in preparation for this one. DDD's baby.

My brother thought this was hilarious. I'd have to agree.

Graduation, the future is at our feet. Also, the first picture ever with my husband, when he wasn't even my boyfriend.

There you have it. My trip down memory lane. Don't hate me because of my gnarly hair.

Hate to bother you, but....

is that not the cutest cellulite you've ever seen on a butt? (See daily pic 1/13/05) The only time in life where fat rolls are scrumptious. God, that kid is adorable.

Shhhh, ovaries. You'll get your time.

Luck?

Apparently this "healthy eating" thing is working out for one of us. theMan has dropped 10-15 lbs. already and the real kicker, he's not even working out. Bastard. He does look good though and is finally starting to let me buy him clothes that fit him. I'm a believer in sharing, and I feel the world needs to see his cute little ass too and big 2-sizes-too-large pants aren't going to do the trick.

Tomorrow I leave for GWO (should we come up with a different name, girls?) in Ohio. Fate again has placed this particular GWO get-together at the perfect timee since all of us are in desparate need of advice, hugs, alcohol and talks about sex and men. So yay! Here we come! Prepare the estrogen cannons! Fire at will!

Tonight though, I'm going to give you a treat. My pal Darren & I were talking about embarrassing pictures from our past. So I dug some up last night, really good ones. One even involves a permed mullet!!!! Oh, the horror.

For now though, I'm told you should be listening to: DNA Controversy...
Laura Lee.com. Wooo hooo!

Apple Bottoms

How self centered am I? I didn't even talk about MacWorld yesterday! At our house, we plan our budget around MacWorld in January and the World Wide Developer's Conference in July. I love geeks.

Stuff I'm excited about: Mini-mac for $499!!! Not that I'll buy one right now, but it's an option should I ever need to downgrade from the cement block that is my G5. I love the way they are gonig with the new Shuffle iPod thingy too. $99 and it's smaller and really all I'd need for exercising, riding the train or working.

Now iMovie and Final Cut will work in HD. That's good news to me, since I use film editing software the most. I'm sure there were other updates for their music software, but that's why theMan should have his own blog.

Weee.....must get new high paying job....must get new high paying job....

Oh and special thanx to Jen K. last night for some girl time. I should have got that pin-striped jacket. Damn.

J-O-B

I got a call back from the recruiting agency and I'm to meet with them this afternoon. Yikes. About that stuff I said about changes coming in 2005? They better come with a corner office and a strict "No-Pantyhose-Required" rule.

Why you shouldn't give a uterus carrier, a blog

Democracy works occasionally.

Fackin' A people. Nicely done.

Ch-ch-ch-changes

There's something in the air. The minute that ball dropped for 2005, I just knew it. 2005 is going to be full of changes. And I think for the most part they will be good, at least much needed changes anyways, to make me/us move forward, evolve, what have you. I can feel it and sense it. I think come December, we're going to look back and think: "Damn, that was one hell of a ride."

Side note to prove I have ADD: Have you ever stuck your finger in your belly button and smelled it? Make sure no one is looking and do it. My sister cleans her's out with a Q-tip and rubbing alcohol on a regular basis. I thought this seemed excessive, but maybe not. What do you guys do? She made me feel like I was doing a less than adequate job on my personal hygeniene when I casually dig around for a few seconds with the washrag in the shower. Rubbing alcohol and Q-tips though? Wow.

Anyways, so far it's happening. Projects are coming up, friends are going through major upheavals, and in my little world at least the times are a changing. I'm not naive to think it's going to be a year of all good things. It's not. But I think I'm ready for a new life, and certainly a new road. Do you guys have any predictions for this year?

Crap

So it looks like, (and yes TheMan, you were right) they are just giving us what we want for now, but plan on slipping some of that back-woods, Neandrathal crap into that "report miscarried babies" bill anyways.

To this I say to Mr. Senator with a brain tumor in the region of his head that lets him think logically:

YOU WANNA FUCK WITH ME BUDDY? When my uterus is not making me fall to my knees in the bathroom at work from cramps, it's trained to kick idiot lawmaker's ass. BRING IT ON FUCKWAD!

One day I will ask you a favor

You'll forgive me if I speak like a gangster for the next couple of days. You see, we had a Godfather marathon yesterday because we had not seen them before. I loved them! Not only the acting, but I want a car from the 1940's. Suicide doors, all black, and even gun shots!

Mostly spent the weekend indoors, watching movies and hanging with friends. Our internet connection was even down all weekend. Fucking Comcast. So theMan was a little stir crazy. Hell, we even filled some stereotypes while we were at it when Jzn & I went to Whole Foods with our Starbucks coffee. Heh.

This coming weekend is GWO and I get to finally see the little cutie, Grace. Expect LOTS of pictures.

Are you afraid of my Guatamalaniss?

We did it!

Take that Stupid Cro-magnum Monkey Senator man....don't get the blogosphere pissed off.

Scroll down to read UPDATE!

From Chezmiscarriage.com: Update: In response to your calls and emails, Cosgrove emailed Maura to say, "The intent of House Bill 1677 is to require the notification of authorities of a delivery of a baby that is dead and the mother has not been attended by a medical professional. ... My bill in no way intends that a woman who suffers a miscarriage should be charged for not notifying authorities. ... However, after discussing the bill again with our legislative services lawyers, I have decided to include language that will define the bill to apply only to those babies that are claimed to have been stillborn and that are abandoned as stated above."

Superfriends! Your telephone calls and emails apparently precipitated a review of overly broad legislative wording, and a subsequent narrowing of the bill's language to better match the original intent - all within 24 hours!

I love participatory democracy. I love the internet. And most of all, I love women.

Custard chucker?

-Spending some quality time with the purple-headed custard chucker
-Cleaning my fur coat
-Diggin' the stench trench
-Getting a date with slick mittens

Masturbation Synonym Generator, enough to brighten anyone's day when they live in a country run by mongoloid monkey freaks.

Good eats

Before I go any further I did write the Senator responsible for the bill in my previous post. It was a mixture of "What on earth could we possible benefit from knowing, let alone law enforcers knowing, when a woman miscarries?" and "What in the name of all that's fucking holy is wrong with you?" It's only too bad I didn't get Darren's comment before I sent it.

Secondly, the good eating process I tried this week has worked beautifully. I only diverted twice when I woke up too late to make breakfast. So I grabbed a muffin and a coffee. However, I know it wasn't a great choice nutritionally, I didn't make myself feel guilty for it. Other than that I conquered the following recipes successfully and tastefully this week: Seared Ahi with Pico de Gallo, Taco Pasta Salad, spaghetti with turkey meatballs, Italian turkey burger, Zesty Italian Chicken, Chicken Cesear Wrap, Tropical Tuna Salad and plenty of soy yogurt and oranges thrown in for snacks. Wooo hoooo!

I think I figured out a couple secrets of how people eat like this all the time. Always have the supplies you need, make things taste good instead of bland and you won't miss McDonald's, and pre-make/freeze as much as you can on the weekend so when you're tired from work during the week it's easier to throw together.

Mood-wise I've felt calm all week. theMan made the comment that he likes the day I go to therapy because I seem more at peace. And so far I've held on to that feeling today as well. Slow and steady.....

Weekend plans? Well, grocery shopping, maybe some used book shopping and just vegging out. We're still holding on to this cold, so being in 7 inches of snow is not the best idea methinks. Hope you guys are all well and warm!

You have got to be fucking kidding me

Please, tell me, anyone...what is the benefit of passing this bill? Because I am absolutely fucking blown away by the logic.

Bill Tracking Website and a better decription of it here.

Please tell me there is some satistic I'm missing on mothers who miscarry causing serious social harm to our country, because I'm not getting it. Do they knock off 7-11's? Are they selling crack to kids on playgrounds?

What the fuck is wrong with people?

EDITED TO ADD: I thought I was done with this post, but the more I think about it, the more irate I get. You mean to tell me that now we can be held criminally liable because of something our bodies do spontaneously and usually out of our control? Is this the fucking Middle Ages?

That is like having to go to the police to report it when you catch a cold. Miscarriages aren't abortions, so regardless of your stance on Pro-Life vs. Pro-Choice, this isn't the issue. However, as theMan said this morning, I imagine we'll be seeing a lot more of these until the Repubs. reverse Roe vs. Wade.

My blood is boiling.

Dr. & Mrs. Happiness

So how big of a diamond should I buy Dr. Happiness when I ask her to marry me? 2 carat?

It’s amazing how on the train before an appointment I think to myself: “I don’t really have much to tell her today.” and “I’m going to take my appointments down to once a month.” I try to plan out what I’m going to say.....nope. I get in there and the floodgates open.

She was happy I’m trying to control my depression and even eating habits with my new “diet.” And that I’m doing it right by looking at it as a process instead of a goal. i.e. to lose 10 lbs., etc. Not to mention the health effects I will get from eating nutritional foods.

She also made me understand my habit of if I tell myself I’m going to do something I never do it. I guess that doesn’t give me options and makes me rebel against myself. Especially with weight loss and dieting because I never really do that just “for myself.”

Secondly, we talked about me feeling like I had 2 personalities and trying to find a balance. The one side that I enjoy where I’m strong, independent and sorta tough and the other that I push down that needs things emotionally and is vunerable and I always look at as weak. She gave me some meditation and writing techniques to work through that. She made the observation that when you’re trying to balance a scale it goes back and forth a little until it becomes still and balanced. Good call Dr.!

I also found it interesting that by telling myself I don’t want to do what my family has done, I’ve done the complete opposite which isn’t always right. Yikes. And that my mother's ability not to be able to handle her emotions is not for me to deal with. That was nice to hear. I take on a lot of my family's and friend's problems, especially my mom.

Basically I need to make myself feel it’s valid to have the feelings I do. Amen to that.

We also talked about my job choices. I’ve got a few opportunities in the mix that I’m considering. I told her how I initially wanted to go into college for photography and was made to feel it was very wrong and unsmart to make that choice. I didn’t realize how much that changed my life path, I guess. So I went for computers, which I hated and dropped out. And did what I thought the balance would be which is get a business degree so I can make enough money do to art on the side. But I can’t tell you how happy it makes me when I’m doing things “creative” or how I almost need it or I start to feel anxious. So maybe I should take a job that lets me do those things on a regular basis. (Yes, I realize I should know this, but it’s different when someone else is helping you figure this shit out like a math problem. It all becomes clear.) So we’ll see. She agrees that my current job is abusive and not healthy and even if I take another job for a few months, it’s about what I need more than anything.

Interestingly enough I was stopped by a guy on the way out of the building. Turns out he works for a recruiting agency. He took me upstairs and let me meet the Vice President and she gave me her card. I’m suppose to send her my resume today and call her. I think he may have been hitting on me, only because he kept commenting on my smile and my face and walked me back to my office until I saw and waved to theMan and told him that was my husband. Then he said, “Okay, well, uh....don’t forget to send a resume” and hurried off. But hey! I’m not above flashing a little smile at someone to put my resume at the top of the pile. You gotta start somewhere.

Om.

Tru dat

Bill Murray....genius.

From Fark.com: "Less heart-warming is Lost in Translation star BILL MURRAY who is acquiring something of a reputation for being difficult to deal with. But he’s not sorry for having a short fuse from time to time.

“If it keeps obnoxious people away, that’s fine,” he told Time Magazine. “It makes me think of that line you catch more flies with honey than vinegar. People say this to you with a straight face, and I always say, ’Who. Wants. Flies?’.”

Pico de KICK ASS!

Because this dish turned out so freaking good, I must share the recipe with you folks.

Seared Ahi Tuna Steaks with Pico de Gallo

2 tuna steaks
3 Roma tomatos
3 Green onions
1 jalapeno diced/seeds removed
1 lime
1 lemon
1 TBLS Cilantro
Brown Rice
Pepper
Olive Oil

Make brown rice according to directions on box. Cut tomatos, onions, jalapeno, cilantro and put into bowl. Squeeze lime juice in mixture. Cover and put in fridge to sit. Brush olive oil on both sides of tuna steaks. Season with black pepper on one side. Put steaks black-pepper-side down on hot skillet for 2 minutes. Then turn over and loosely cover skillet with foil. Let cook for 7 minutes.

Put on bed of brown rice and top with Pico de Gallo. Then squeeze lemon over food. YUM!

Why I'm not in charge of foreign relations

I decided to turn off my "Ignore Those Not On My Friends List" button and here is what I got. Unprompted and unsolicited by me. I shit you not.

murtadaf: saddam is hero
mistressfoy: okay, why is that?
mistressfoy: i'm curious....why did you IM me of all people?
murtadaf: we will change name of republic of iraq to saddamstan
mistressfoy: how about Sadam-a-lama-ding-dong ville?
murtadaf: i am chating alot as weel as you
murtadaf: saddam is not arrested his sons are alive and all iraqi leadership too all what we have seen were pioneer masks and saddam has allowed usarmy to enter iraqi cities for stop air raids because no equally in air force he selcted gurilla war hence huge loses in usarmy
mistressfoy: that has a nice ring to it
murtadaf: yes
mistressfoy: I'm curious? Are you the mayor of Crazytown by chance?
murtadaf: (Repeated foreign language here)
mistressfoy: apparently so
murtadaf: yes

Cripes.

Gmail

I have 6 GMAIL invites.....anyone want one? Email me.

Yum

I should clarify 2 things. One: The cuties to the right are my pals babies, Nigel & Stella. I could eat them up they are so cute. But babies aren't on my new diet, so they are safe.

Two: I'm not on a "diet" per say. I'm not limiting my food portions to tiny squares or eating salads constantly. To be more specific, I'm trying like hell to eat whole, mostly organic, foods that I prepare or that I at least can tell you what all the ingredients are. So I'm staying away from high fructrose corn syrup, meat with hormones, etc. and processed foods. So far so good. Although I didn't eat wheat pasta last night because I bought the wrong stuff. Sue me.

It's sorta expensive to get organically grown meats and such, but so is dropping $10 a meal on Chipotle. I figure it evens out eventually.

However, I am trying to control the portions a little. Mostly by measuring stuff out and not making tons of extras. It's really not been a hassle so far. It's actually kinda fun. And I love to cook, especially foods that seem complicated. I also love to cook for other people. So if I perfect tonight's "Seared Ahi with Pico de Gallo", my chilli is going to have competition for the "Titty Fuck and a Colt 45" award.

It begins with a long one

Hey 2005, my name is Kitten. Nice to meet you.

So far 2005 is good, really good. 362 days more to go. And 2004 ended good too. Despite these colds we did have a couple pals come over for some champagne drinking and game playing on New Year's Eve, which turned out to be really fun. Although in the back of my mind, I missed the fun we would have had with the Lombards. :(

Spent New Year's and the days following in almost complete quarantine. The pajama time I've logged is now officially a world record. We still can't beat this cold, in fact, theMan is home sick again today. Thank goodness for Ratchett & Clank 2 & 3 and my new expresso machine. I may become a complete vegetable.

I forgot to log in my last therapy appointment. It was yet another enlightening one. Basically we figured out I'm going through some anger stuff. And I gotta allow myself to be a little angry, but "set some boundaries" (I think I'll get that tattooed on me right above my ass) and know when it's getting out of hand as well as let people know I may be distant. However, the fact that I told her I didn't want to be this way forever is a good thing. So she also suggested finding ways to release the angry energy: exercise, punching something, etc.

Plus, I have to be more gentle with myself. She said I'm going through a huge inner process and I need to expect it to take time and work.

Dr. Happiness also mentioned separating myself from the outcome. In a nutshell that means I have to be able to speak my "truth" (tell people what is going on with me) and not try to control the outcome (people's reaction). For example, I have to be able to be okay with telling someone something and that's that. I can't let myself try to control how they react to me or not be able to move on if they don't react the way I want them too. Hmmm...does that make sense?

Lately I've considered taking a low dosage of prescription medicine to control the waves of depression that hit me every couple of months. I hate that feeling. It's the most hopeless, dark, sad time in my world and it hits every 2 months or so. However, I kinda had a revelation this weekend. I'm going to try another tactic first. I've decided to completely change/control my diet. One of my issues is eating and that I feel out of control with it. I make bad choices, eat when I'm not hungry, etc. But what I ingest is something I can certainly control! So why not start.

So I've made a plan for the entire week, every single meal, even snacks. Yesterday I went shopping and prepared all of the foods I could ahead of time so all I had to do was grab it. I'm not doing this to lose weight really, at least not totally. However, if if that is a side effect, FUCKING A. I just want to see if what I consume will affect these mood swings any. Sure I'm looking to start lifting weights again (I actually enjoy this) and of course I'd love to lose weight. However, I think I'll go about this a different way, mentally.

So no real resolutions, just maybe an overall mentality: Slow and steady.

Jeez, enough about me. How was your New Year's?