It begins with a long one

Hey 2005, my name is Kitten. Nice to meet you.

So far 2005 is good, really good. 362 days more to go. And 2004 ended good too. Despite these colds we did have a couple pals come over for some champagne drinking and game playing on New Year's Eve, which turned out to be really fun. Although in the back of my mind, I missed the fun we would have had with the Lombards. :(

Spent New Year's and the days following in almost complete quarantine. The pajama time I've logged is now officially a world record. We still can't beat this cold, in fact, theMan is home sick again today. Thank goodness for Ratchett & Clank 2 & 3 and my new expresso machine. I may become a complete vegetable.

I forgot to log in my last therapy appointment. It was yet another enlightening one. Basically we figured out I'm going through some anger stuff. And I gotta allow myself to be a little angry, but "set some boundaries" (I think I'll get that tattooed on me right above my ass) and know when it's getting out of hand as well as let people know I may be distant. However, the fact that I told her I didn't want to be this way forever is a good thing. So she also suggested finding ways to release the angry energy: exercise, punching something, etc.

Plus, I have to be more gentle with myself. She said I'm going through a huge inner process and I need to expect it to take time and work.

Dr. Happiness also mentioned separating myself from the outcome. In a nutshell that means I have to be able to speak my "truth" (tell people what is going on with me) and not try to control the outcome (people's reaction). For example, I have to be able to be okay with telling someone something and that's that. I can't let myself try to control how they react to me or not be able to move on if they don't react the way I want them too. Hmmm...does that make sense?

Lately I've considered taking a low dosage of prescription medicine to control the waves of depression that hit me every couple of months. I hate that feeling. It's the most hopeless, dark, sad time in my world and it hits every 2 months or so. However, I kinda had a revelation this weekend. I'm going to try another tactic first. I've decided to completely change/control my diet. One of my issues is eating and that I feel out of control with it. I make bad choices, eat when I'm not hungry, etc. But what I ingest is something I can certainly control! So why not start.

So I've made a plan for the entire week, every single meal, even snacks. Yesterday I went shopping and prepared all of the foods I could ahead of time so all I had to do was grab it. I'm not doing this to lose weight really, at least not totally. However, if if that is a side effect, FUCKING A. I just want to see if what I consume will affect these mood swings any. Sure I'm looking to start lifting weights again (I actually enjoy this) and of course I'd love to lose weight. However, I think I'll go about this a different way, mentally.

So no real resolutions, just maybe an overall mentality: Slow and steady.

Jeez, enough about me. How was your New Year's?


Blogger peachmouse said...

this all sounds so good! 2005 is going to be a great year for you. taking control of what you put into your body is a wonderful thing (and very difficult for most ppl) but it will change your life. good luck on the weightlifting and punching things. :) we all need a little more of that, right? i've been thinking i need an aggressive outlet lately. everything i do is so freaking peaceful or graceful (ballet, pilates, etc.). i'm a little lost about what graceless violence i can and/or should pursue. of course, i guess it doesn't have to be graceless... anyways, i really just wanted to applaud you starting the new year with such a great attitude and reasonable goals.

2:49 PM


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