Due to large volumes of wine and fun, I don't have any pictures from our get together last night. But I do have memories and they are making the Severe Nausea 2005 fade when I remember them.

While we were still cooking the food, our tiny little kitchen was full of friends helping, eating and laughing. Music was playing, wine was being passed around...it felt like one of those times you think "This is a movie."

Later looking around the living room, seeing everyone eating and laughing and being together for once, it felt like home, ya know?

So I get a little cheesy sometimes but it was nice.

Now later, about 1:00 a.m. when I'm barely on the bed and theMan is undressing me because suddenly the wine in my system is making the very thought of fabric on my skin making me want to jump out a window? Not so nice.


If you need me I'll be lying in the fetus position praying for the extreme nausea to subside.



Hi. I'm Kitte n of the fifth order. And I'm going to type without using the backspace key beacuse I'm drunk on 3 bottle of wine and tons of kabobs an d stuff mushrooms and cocokies. i love Cookies.

I made a lot of food for muy friends tonight and they sesemmed to liek it. I wish my other firends could be here too. :( I miss all my friends so much. It's nice to get together though. I wish i coud just bottle them up.

I just wantwd to do anothe rinstallment of drunk bloggin. It's myu favorite thing to do ecauce read iing it the next day is fucking hilarious.

I spelled hilarious right, I can' t be that drunks. Right?

OH, and Jamie Foxx won and it was the highlight of the Oscars. ther erst of the nigth seemed anti-climatic. Like, *poot* done. Like a fart you really push to be loud to make your lvoed one laugh after you've called him to come in to the living room from the back bedroom just to hear it and it's just a *poot*. Almost silent, nothing really. But way to go Jamie Foxx.

Good night. I'm going to go vomit.

Okay, I should go before I embarrass myself.


You like to watch

Oscar time!


My Lovers

Somewhere out there tonight, my lovely readers are trying to get it started, get it on or get it right.

So this one goes out to you! (right click & "save as" please.)

With lyrics like "I saw your body before I saw your face..."

Nothing moves me like this song. Push Up!


Got my hair did

My cousin is coming up for her birthday in 2 weeks and to treat her I'm commissioning "Peter-The Hair God" to run his gorgeous long fingers through her tresses for a good 3 hours. She is going to be 26 and deserves every inch of Peter's scissors and I frankly can't wait to see her in my hometown for once!

After telling my mom this on the phone, and talking about her upcoming visit next weekend (her birthday as well), she had me schedule her a hair appointment too. The full treatment: All over color, full highlights and a cut & style with an additional $7.00 to have her hair blown straight. I'm not paying for this one, but it will be fun to see someone besides me FINALLY be able to tell my mother that bleach blonde highlights on dark brown hair went out with fanny packs and White Snake.

Now with all the business I'm getting Peter, I better get a discount on my next cut! Well, at least let me pick out what clothes I want him to brush up against me when he's leaning in to do my bangs. Yum.

theMan is funny

When theMan does deliveries for work he is stopped by 1,000's of people on the street trying to get something but theMan likes to have a little fun with them.

Today, a couple guys from "Children's International" who try to get pledges and donations from people to support their cause were milling around in front of the City Building. One of the guys stops theMan and says, "Do you have 45 seconds?"

theMan responds, "Sure! Is it about Senior Citizens?" (Knowing exactly what he was being stopped for.)

The Guy replied, "No."

theMan retorts, "In that case, no I do not have 45 seconds." The guy, while stunned slowly pointed at the "Childrens Internation" logo the coat he was wearing. The guy says, "Well, we are for the childern." theMan while walking away turns back and respods with, "What about the Senior Citizens, man?"

The guy was still dumbfounded...


3 things that happened that I want to share with you:

1.) My mom calls this morning while we are on the train (no one usually does this unless there is an emergency). She tells me "I have important news, are you sitting down?" And her tone was very somber. My heart starts racing, I'm mentally comprising a letter to my boss to get time off for a funeral, I'm calculating ages and health of all relatives, friends and family. The news? The important news she had to call me with this morning!?

She is cleaning out her closet.

My response: "You are fucked up mom." The guy standing next to us gave me the strangest look.

2.) Yesterday my boss calls from his vacation home screaming at me because our company website won't work on "AOL". I try double-checking he has the right address and explaining browsers, and basic internet functions but he's not hearing me. So he finally hangs up on me. My co-worker a cubicle over says loudly, "What are you trying to type in?" I thought she was talking to me so I yell, very loudly, "That stupid fucker doesn't know a thing about the internet!"

I walk to her cubicle and she's on the phone with my boss trying to talk him through it. Opps.

3.) My sister gave me a joke that causes us both to cry over the phone. Want to hear?

A guy walks into a pub and sits down up at the bar. He overhears someone say, "Wow, you look great tonight." The guy looks around and notices it's pretty empty in the pub. Then he overhears someone say, "That's a great shirt." Again, he can't figure out where it's coming from until he looks at the bar and notices it's coming from a bowl of nuts.

Just then the bartender comes over so the guy asks him about the bowl of peanuts. The bartender says, "Oh, those peanuts are complimentary."



Oscar Picks

I will be spending my weekend marinating honey glazed chicken kabobs & whipping up pumpkin cheesecake in an attempt to gain back the 6 lbs. I've not lost, but in the meantime, I will be watching the Spirit Awards on IFC on Saturday and Sunday, of course, the Oscars.

I love it. In fact, I start at 6:00 p.m. and flip through the channels from one red carpet show to the next to miss commercials and get all angles. My favorite part is when someone wears something horrible or Jack Nicholson is drunk. Here's hoping for a fun show this year because I love me some celebrities.

I'll go ahead and give my predictions for the Oscars, but I honestly have only seen a few of these movies. You know how I feel about Jamie Foxx, and I wish "Eternal Sunshine" would have gotten Jim Carrey at least a nomination, but still. Here goes.

Best Picture
"The Aviator": I'm torn between this and Ray honestly, but I think they'll finally give Mr. Scorsese one.
"Finding Neverland"
"Million Dollar Baby"

Best Actor
Don Cheadle in "Hotel Rwanda"
Johnny Depp in "Finding Neverland"
Leonardo DiCaprio in "The Aviator"
Clint Eastwood in "Million Dollar Baby"
Jamie Foxx in "Ray" They fucking better. Although if they gave it to Don Cheadle, okay. I heard he was great too.

Best Actress
Annette Bening in "Being Julia"
Catalina Sandino Moreno in "Maria Full of Grace"
Imelda Staunton in "Vera Drake"
Hilary Swank "Million Dollar Baby" She won the Golden Globe. I think Kate Winslet rocked in "Eternal Sunshine" but she won't get it.
Kate Winslet in "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind"

Best Directing
“The Aviator" Martin Scorsese
"Million Dollar Baby" Clint Eastwood Clint Eastwood wrote, starred in, directed and composed the score. I'm almost 100% sure on this one.
"Ray" Taylor Hackford
"Sideways" Alexander Payne
"Vera Drake" Mike Leigh

We'll see if I'm right.


A Rant

If you haven't read or seen or heard anything by Hunter S. Thompson, read this rant from him to get a better idea. Pants has graciously typed it all out on his blog.

I hadn't read this before but it makes me miss him even more now.



Mr. Thompson will be sadly missed. Suicide though? That just doesn't seem right.

There he goes. One of God's own prototypes. Some kind of high powered mutant never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die.


Mom's VD present

My mom surprised us by sending cash for us to "go eat some lunch" on and a couple photo CD's with her Valentine's Day card.

Some of my favorites:

My Gramps & theMan with a gallon of soup.
Seeing my cousin in his Army outfit took my breath away, I admit. And seeing a picture of him getting married, same reaction.
My mom & sister showing some love.

Nothing left for me to do

Oh, last night. Finally, finally, finally after many conversations had about going and doing this one deed...WE DID IT.

We went freaking dancing!

It was a long time time coming and I wasn't sure if I had it in me, but 2 cocktails and a shot of Jeig will make anyone Jennifer Lopez.

Thanx for the good times Jzn & the ladies. ;)


Oh Snap!

I'm watching the "Queens of Comedy" and just heard something that I plan on repeating the next time I feel bad about my sailor mouth.

She says she almost quit comedy because someone told her she had a filthy mouth. So her grandma said, "Honey, it not what comes out of your mouth that makes it filthy. It's what you put in your mouth."

And her grandma told her to tell anyone with a problem, "And I wash all the dicks I suck."



A movie that scared the shit out of me when I was little is currently on IFC. Only now that I've seen "Shakma" and the same girl is in "Nightmare on Elm Street" well.....Yea, it's still scary stuff.

Although early in the movie one character utters the phrase, "Up yours with a twirling lawnmower." Holy crap!


What I'm considering...

As written in "Lipstick Traces" by Greil Marcus regarding Guy DeBord & his "spectacle":

"The spectacle was at once the kidnaping of the impulse of "I am nothing and I should be everything" and its prison.

As a theater the spectacle was also a church: "Modern mastery, the domination of nature by technology, the potential abolition of the domain of necessity in the modern society of abundance, had not "dispelled the religious clouds where men had placed their own powers, detached from themselves: it has only anchored them to an earthly base."

This earthly based was modern capitalism. Having satisfied the needs of the body, capitalism turned to the desires of the soul. It turned upon individual men and women, seized their subjective emotions and experiences, changed those into objective, replicable commodities, placed them on the market, set their prices, and sold them back to those who had, once, brought emotions and experiences out of themselves--to people who, as prisoners of the spectacle, could now find such things only on the market.

Here a miracle as strange as that claimed by any religion was repeated again and again, every day. What was, once, yourself, was now presented as an unreachable but irresistibly alluring image of what, in this best of all possible worlds, you could be.

After long acquaintance with his role, a man grows into it so closely that he can no longer differentiate his true self from the self he simulates, so that even the most intimate of individuals speak to each other in Party slogans.

"The more a person contemplates, the less he lives; the more he accepts recognizing himself in the dominant images of need, the less he understands his own existence and his own desires. The fact that his gestures are no longer his own, but those of another, who represents them to him, the star of social life, be it martyrs, Jesus Christ, the faces on the billboards. The idealized self was always present, but always out of reach.

IF at bottom revolution was rooted in the desire to create one's own life, a wish so deep and voracious its realization demanded the creation of a new society, then the spectacle took that wish into itself, and returned it as the wish to accept one's life as it already existed, as it existed in the constantly renewing utopia of the spectacle.

"The spectacle is not a collection of images, but a social relationship among people, mediated by images."

-So what do you think this means? I probably shouldn't read this before bed.

I love this world

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! I'm sorry, it's hard to type over the gut laughs!

Oh, Karma you little bitch.

Therapy-Come & Get it!

Therapy word for the day: SHAME

I feel alot of shame but I didn’t know how to describe it or how to label it until today. And if there is one thing that is helping my journey it’s labeling things so I can mentally check myself when I’m feeling it, before it gets out of hand.

I am responsible for feeling shame by a lot of my own thinking. I compare myself to others when it’s apples and oranges. What’s the phrase? You only feel how you let someone make you feel? However, that’s not to say people in my life can’t make me feel that way as well, but I tend to take it all on, like a magnet. Then I use people, things, etc. as a quick fix to make myself instantly feel better.

She said feeling shame and panic at the same time can be very tiring and hard to keep up and I’ve probably been feeling it for a long time. She made me look at more situations in my past with compassion instead of shame for how I acted at the time, which helped.

I’m starting to try some experiments however, which my doctor seemed happy about. This weekend I’m going to go eat alone and do some window shopping, etc. by myself. I’ve wanted to for a long time. I might even go see a movie, but I haven’t decided. The difference this weekend though is that I’m not going to have a real purpose, like run errands or accomplish any task because that is not the purpose. I’m just going to set aside some time to do the things I enjoy by myself for a couple hours. In the past, I would have thought it was wrong to want to do these things or I would have felt like I had to have someone else there or go for a particular reason, but I don’t. Every part of me wants to just have some time to myself and I don’t feel bad about it one bit.

I left telling her I’ve never felt more in control or calm in my life. I feel strong, almost empowered. So we’re setting my appointments every two weeks for awhile. But being the sweetheart she is, she gave me her phone number and email so I can call her mid-week and just say, “HELP”!

I wonder what china pattern she wants for our wedding?


Billions and Billions

My new hero.

Why do I feel like Bush is speaking to the government asking for money with his pinkie finger up to his mouth like Dr. Evil?

Drama Queen

So I'm over my baby fit about my weight loss progress. My scale this morning said I'm down another 4 pounds, so who knows. I'll just keep going.

For good karma purposes, here's an awesome series of clips you must see. (Safe for work, just a few cuss words)

My recommendation is watch DAY 8 and wait for the ending to learn about the "the god damn cafe!" That guy is awesome.


I'll take the .357, less of a mess

I thought I had lost almost 2 lbs. Maybe I did. But I just bought a new scale tonight which shows I weigh 9.5 lbs. more than I thought on my old scale.

Nothing like a Sex and the City marathon and some fat free animal crackers to take the edge off.

Fuck this, I need a drink.

All I can do is DANCE!

Napoleon Dynamite was on to something....I got Jamariquai's "Canned Heat" from the pivotal scene in Napoleon Dynamite, loaded it on my iPod and it was all I could do this morning to keep from going full out Fosse on the L train.

In fact, I started dancing & grinding on theMan in front of a lot of people before I was reminded that ladies do not act like that in public.

But, but....I wanna dance!

Gentlemen prefer blondes

Over Côte de Porc aux Poires Epicées and a glass of Touraine Sauvignon Blanc at dinner on Saturday (isn't Copy & Paste fun! It makes me look like I can speak what I just typed!), I figured out why I wanted Valentine's Day to happen so bad. Why I felt the need to list things I wanted, or remind theMan about it weekly. It was bothering me that I just had to celebrate this stupid commercial holiday. Then it hit me.

Basically, it was so I could brag to you all.

No, I'm kidding, of course. I really just missed dating my husband. I have several friends who are currently in the gooey, fun, nerve wracking beginning stages of relationships and I look at them and think, "Yea, I miss that, a-lot." It's fun to not be able to keep your hands off each other, to get excited about seeing that someone, to get dressed up for someone hoping they'll tear it off you later. It's fun and I miss it.

Sure there is a comfort to long relationships. It frees you to do other things, but then again, it can get stale too. Boring or repetitive when you forget to show each other why you want to be with them all this time.

So it doesn't bother me anymore that I wanted to actually celebrate something so commercial, because honestly, I want to celebrate it more than just one day.

That's the point, right? To not have to narrow it down to one day?



I have to share something for the ladies out there looking to spoil their men.

I bought theMan a couple pairs of 2(x)ist brand briefs for V-day based on a recommendation from Men's Health, and my god....I felt compelled to rub my face on them whenever I could. They are sooooo soft. He said he almost felt weird, like he was wearing girl undies since they were so soft, but they are well worth it. As a bonus, the cut of them makes the package look enormous. Ahem.

They are sorta expensive, but if you want to treat your man, I'd say pick up a couple pairs. He really loved the 2(x)ist "Touch" ones that are mostly nylon material (I did too). But the cotten ones were nice as well.

There ya go.


It doesn't work like that

I was reading over at Dooce.com and she just so happens to bring up a discussion that was had last night with a girlfriend...well sorta.

Basically we came to this conclusion during a talk on the g-spot & passionate sex experiences: Porn (or sex shown in media) rocks in many, many ways, but there is some potential damage to be had. Besides the fact that porn stars bodies are certainly not the norm, but I can deal with that. I get it...it's fantasy. I don't get horny watching pock-faced skinny dudes ramming a girl with close-ups centered on her cellulite either. And I do not think porn degrades women, except possibly more degrading what men know about women.

Basically, we were wondering if the most harmful lie of porn is this: Girls should moan uncontrollably as soon as you put it in, even if you had just 5 seconds earlier been doing the dishes.

Sure the girl in the movie was doing the dishes in an expensive pair of crotchless panties, but she was doing the dishes nonetheless. Let's pretend that is a real life situation. Bear with me. What you don't see in porn is the woman just got off work and came home to a sink full of dishes she has to wash before she can make dinner, even though she's hungry. The camera doesn't pan over to a stack of bills to pay or that phone call she just got from a friend that she's been overanalyzing. Let's say she stripped down to her crotchless panties because she spilled coffee on her skirt on the crowded train on the ride home from work. The fact that she's now bent over the kitchen table moaning could be because she's in pure extasy or she wants it over with quick so she can get on with the dishes. Is this too cynical? Probably.

I got to thinking, maybe that is why sex for women (I won't overgeneralize, I'm talking about women I've talked too only) isn't always great. I've had many many many experiences with boys who don't get it. I'm not saying girls know exactly what turns them on when they hit puberty either. In our repressed soceity that preaches abstinence or you're a whore, who would? However, sex comes up ALOT with all of my girlfriends. In fact, I think we talk about it more than the men I know do. And I've noticed that every woman I know has said sorta the same things.

We can call up exactly when it was that we had the best sex of our lives and there was usually a lot more involved than someone got a boner. I only know 3 people in my life that have had orgasms purely from pentration only and it was NOT every single time. So I wondered if the sex that men do see in movies, TV, etc. throws them off a little on how to actually please women sexually.

I do not want to sound like a femi-nazi. I'm not. I love men, I love everything about men. They are tasty and yummy and if I thought about it too long I'd have to go "do the dishes."

It's just a theory I was rolling around in my head. I'm just saying, the sex we're shown in porn, on TV, in movies usually depicts women moaning for the sheer fact of having something inside her. Do you think that would effect how we act? Maybe some social conditioning going on here?

I am still young and inexperienced in a lot of ways. I'm throwing this out there for analysis. Does anybody else think Sex Ed. should actually teach us a little about how our genitals function as well as how to keep them safe from disease? How to treat each other and listen to each other so we can sexually please our lovers? Does anyone else think the entire Middle East and the elected officials in our government need a big fat mind-blowing orgasm and a laugh before the world implodes in on itself?

VD Day

Let's start this off properlike. If we're going to make anything illegal, let's make these pants.

To my husband's credit, he came through for the big V-day. He popped in a CD I made him last year, took me to Bittersweet cafe to pick out whatever chocolates or delights I'd love and they wrapped them for us for later! Then we rushed home, got dressed and went to a little french bistro, Bistro Campagne. I had never had french food before, but after that sweet grilled porkchop with warm pears and corn fritters, I will never call my fries, "Freedom Fries" again.

After dinner we walked to our favorite cafe for coffee and talks and to finish off the night, we went to Odd Obsession for a couple movies. It was sorta porn, I guess. But Sick, The Life & Death of Bob Flanigan did the trick anyways.

Happy Valentine's Day, Lovely.


Dead Friday

A darker Friday Five for you today.

So you find yourself dead. Can't control what happens next, or can you?

1. The split second before you're about to die, time stops and you can accomplish one last task before the end. What is it? Finally convince everyone to get along already.

2. The Nacissistic Death is all about you - in what manner did you die? At the peak of a gigantic orgasm on a hill by a fire at sunset when I'm 98.

3. What music/song would you like played at your funeral? Of course, "If I close my eyes forever" by Lita Ford & Ozzy Osbourne. What else?

4. RIP? You can do better than that - what final words to the world are etched on your tombstone/urn? I always wanted to be cremated but if I had a tombstone it might say: "She did her best. Now she's at the best party of her life."

5. Apparently, there's suppose to be happiness in the afterlife. What age are you and what's different about you that makes you oh so happy to be here? I'm 26 and I could give a shit less about the "afterlife" honestly. I'm happy to be here because it means I'm still alive and there is still a chance for anything.


Political Blogs

theMan has given me 2 sites to check on a regular basis, so why not share them with you all.

-Rigorous Institution
-Daily KOS

You got anymore for me?

Moms came to drop bombs

My mom just called to wish me a "Happy VD Day!" Then she giggled and hung up.

It's not all bad.

Therapy Session Again-LONG

Things my therapist said today that make me smile: She said I have my emotional shit figured out. (Her exact words) That I have an epiphany every single visit. That I am on the right path. That I am going through a lot of emotional searching and doing an excellent job.


I told her about this line I read in “Osho on Zen” a couple of days a go. It said when someone asks you what you do for a living you shouldn’t answer: “I’m a doctor.” You should say “I make my living as a doctor” because being a doctor is not who you are. I noticed that I put a lot of stock in my titles. But whenever anyone asks me that question I say, “I am just a secretary.” I’m not proud of it. So we regressed a little and thought about my career path which got me thinking about a world of things.

I noticed I applied to schools because of the name and respect of the institution even though I didn’t want to really go to them. I now think about going to school again for certain fields even though none of them are art related which is probably what I should be doing, but for the way it would sound to have the title, “Kitten, the teacher or “Kitten the Chef.” Sure it would be fun, but the how it would sound to tell someone what I do is definitely a factor.

She told me to look at myself and my past compassionately this time though, instead of regret. So we went back in time a little and talked about the situation surrounding my decision to go to college. It was kinda fucked up, now that I play it all out again. My mom had reacted very negatively when I told them I wanted to go to art school. She even started crying and left the room. I felt like I had just told them I wanted to eat shit on video for a living. So I went to college for what she suggested instead, something that would make me money. There was a lot of pressure to have my life figured out by the time I left home basically.

So I started college in a panic to find a husband (I’d just broken up with a long term boyfriend), I became a Christian recently and remember lots of pressure about that, I gained a lot of weight my Senior year of high school so I wasn’t feeling physically good, I was the first generation to really go to college in our tight family group and I wasn’t going to school for something I wanted. She said I was not being supported in the right ways really and it was a HUGE time for me in my life. I definitely remember thinking something was wrong with me if I didn’t have it all figured out right away and I remember feeling very anxious.

Which leads me to my “Bad Girl” glasses: I have a knack for seeing only what I am not in situations. I didn’t see my coked out roommate in college, all I saw was my 2 friends that knew exactly what they wanted to do with their life. Even though they probably came from totally different family structures, etc. I thought: they know what they want to do, what is wrong with me. Now that I remember though, they had families that not only weren’t divorced but supported them a lot. I told her I could be at a convention for the morbidly obese and still only see the skinny girl giving out name tags.

So basically I have been taking care of myself, I’ve just always felt shame or guilt about my decisions when I have. I have made good decisions. I don’t let people completely walk on me. But in the future, think about the things I went through with compassion. Like I broke up with a boyfriend that would have led me to have 3 kids by now. Or I went to college so I didn’t have to work in a factory. It was nice to actually think back without regret.

But what to do about the future? She said, do the slide rule for my life. Set relationship goals, set career goals, set timelines. Think of it in a controlled manner in a way. What I want to happen. Hmmmm, I like that.


I miss the farm

In an email from my Grams today: "I may give up winter for Lent. Not to be sacreligious."

I guess you have to know her, but I thought that was hysterical especially since I can picture my little Grams all fiesty. I miss them. They always feel like home to me.

And seriously, you have not lived until you've had my Grams' molasses cookies.

I'm a girl

I'm going to make it easy on my husband this year. I'm going to publically announce what I want and where I want to go for Valentine's Day. Sure it would be nice to be surprised, but fuck it. It would be nice if everyone stopped killing each other over religion too, but hey! Everyone says women are hard to figure out, so I'll help.

Now let's get something straight in my defense....for many many many years I've heard the excuse at Christmas, Birthdays, and even Valentine's Day that "it was all commercial," "let's give gifts the rest of the year," "I'm not wired that way"...blah blah blah. I've accepted that even though I've felt very hurt by it. I'm not a high maintenance girl, okay? I didn't even require an engagement ring or a honeymoon. Cut me some slack.

In the past I felt ashamed for wanting to partake in such a commercial holiday or romantic gooey stuff in general, but let's face it, I'm a girl. At least last time I looked down. Gooey things make me happy. I'm also programmed by the Corporate Capitalists of this country to expect certain things, like one day a year I can eat a box of chocolates without feeling like the mom from "What's Eating Gilbert Grape?". And if it were true that we'd celebrate other days of the year, I'd get over it. But we don't, so I'm not.

So here goes:
1.) All dark chocolate box of assorted goodies from Godiva. Tell them to leave out the cherry ones.
2.) A massage, either by you (preferably) or by a professional. Lifting weights lately is making me long for a rub down of mythic proportions.
3.) To dress up and take me out in public to dinner with your hand rested protectively on my back whenever we stand by each other. (Or, you cook for me at home. I'm flexible.)
4.) At the restaurant, you pull my seat out for me.
5.) Hot, dirty, monkey sex either before, after or during chocolate eating. I'll even leave on my heels.

That's not so bad, is it?

Father forgive them, they know not what they do

I overheard my co-workers talking about this throughout the morning and couldn't believe it was real. Virginia proposed ticketing people wearing pants so low you can see their underwear. My sheep-like co-workers think this is a fabulous idea. I'm flabbergasted. Do we really want government officials or even police being the ones to tell us what to wear? And I think we can be a little more honest and say this is directed at black men. I assume they are referring to the style worn by rappers, etc. that they are targeting. I'm pretty sure they aren't talking about white girls in the suburbs? But I could be wrong. Ugh...can I take a raincheck on this administration? For instance, everyone who wants to evolve gets a piece of land, maybe the Coasts, and the repressed religious right could have Kansas?

No news on the sister front. I realized something last night. It never ends. The worrying about her never, ever ends. Is that what loving someone unconditionally is about? Is this what having children feels like in a way? Then again, maybe not. But it hurts alot of the time, whatever this is.

Today is Ash Wednesday I guess. So I get to see people with ashes on their head. It always takes me by surprise a little until I remember. My PC (psychotic co-worker) is fasting today and giving up chocolate for Lent because her mother always does. So no, she still hasn't decided to give up talking or being a bitch for Lent, like I'd want. I think that's what Jesus would want her to do? Don't you?



My sister called today from Godville and sounded small and sad. I want to go get her. I asked her if she felt like 2 different people, one totally devoted to God and Super Penecostal Woman Extrodinaire, and the other, well my sister that makes funny jokes, respects her faith but likes to have fun and be creative. She seemed to agree.

I guess she has to have a meeting about what's going on with her. She just sounded so sad. I hope that sound isn't her giving up.

I respect what that program has done for her. She's healthy, has meat on her bones, doesn't do drugs (as far as I know) and is back to herself, well as much as she can be with what she's gone through. However, treating her now like it's the 1600's after she's agreed to sign on as an intern, she's already completed the program, she's already gained their trust and using God as the reasoning....it makes me think of the main reason I do not get involved with religion. GUILT.

I want her back here.


Weekend with Bernie

Some cool things happened this weekend...
1.) Ate Thai food that made my stomach crawl up my esophogus and kiss me with Darren.
2.) Went and watched Careful perform live.
3.) Met some cool ladies and stuck out like sore thumbs at a club with every other person in there looking like the Yeah Yeah Yeah's.
4.) Got major work done on the dollhouse I'm making for my mom's god-daughter. (Did you know it would take an entire day to paint the teeny, tiny little window sills? Me either!
5.) Saw the reason for my trying smoking when I was thirteen.
6.) Ate a phenomenal breakfast with some of my nearest and dearest.

Oh, and I lost 2 lbs. FUCK YEA!


Not to be outdone

My mom wanted to give you a taste of her jokes.

Q. What is TULSA spelled backwards?
Q. What is A SLUT backwards?
A. $200.

This woman gave birth to me.

Bye Sis

I called my sister tonight to see how the packing was going and after my dad answers the phone, "Who the hell is this?" (Isn't he hilarious?) I got to chat with her. She's on her way back to Godville tomorrow and in her honor I'm passing on 2 of her jokes. She told me to make sure I told Jzn, but I thought why not share it with all of you!

1.) A guy walks into a bar with some jumper cables. The bartender says, "Don't even think about starting something in here, buddy."

2.) The Captain of a ship gets word that one of his shipmate's, by the name of Abernathy, mother has died and he has to tell him. Unsure of how to break the news he calls everyone on board down to the deck and has them line up. He says, "Everyone who's mother is still living please step forward." They step forward and the Captain then says, "Not so fast Abernathy."

I miss her like hell already. And I'm not the only one.

OCD in the hiz-ouse

I woke up repeatedly again last night from nightmares. Once at 2:30 a.m., then again at 4 a.m. and stayed awake until 5:00 a.m. and so on. Guess why? Because I was worrying about minute details of my life, memories were coming up which would lead me on a tangent for awhile and analyzing the nightmares I've been having.

Then to top it off, if it's even possible, I pulled the muscles around my elbows lifting weights and they feel like they are going to snap in half, in the wrong direction. Even when I lay still.

I hate this phrase because it reeks of factory life, but here goes anyways because I can't think of anything more fitting: TGIF.


I'll gladly financially back any inventor who will come up with a spray gun apparatus that I can put up my hoo-ha and coat my uterus with a liquid form of extra strength Midol which will allow me to leave the fetal position on the bathroom floor so I can go to work and deal with Asshole Von Drunkenstein.



Dream, dream, dreeeeuuummm

I'm still at work. Still bored and I just caught a whiff of my PC's voice telling (or more realistically, screeching) to another person that she is taking off tomorrow as a sick day, because she deserves it, she is just so tired, blah, blah, blah.

So that means WOOOOO HOOOOOO! Not only will it be Friday, but that crazy bitch will be out of my line of sight.

The food eating thing is working wonderfully, plus I've started exercising. Lifting weights and the likes, which makes me walk like Grandma but feel like Hulk Hogan (but sexier). SOOOO wonderfully in fact, I've cancelled my therapy appointment for today and am scheduling for every 2 weeks instead. And I've felt pretty damn good all week. Well, with the exception of waking up hourly from 2 a.m. until 5:30 a.m. every night this week with nightmares. Last night lions were chasing me. Okay Freud, I'm all ears.

Sorry for the serious baby gooiness earlier, (Jen, I swear I'm not stalking your baby) but I found my pal's Yahoo Photo album of Gracie, I heard her cooing on the phone last night when we talked and I just couldn't resist. She's just sooooo freaking cute. I mean, the cheeks on that kid could bring about world peace. I'm sure of it.

Anyways, I feel like shoe shopping. Any takers?

Babies R' CUTE!

I totally mean to brag here. My friends have the CUTEST FREAKING BABIES on the planet.

I miss her!

Jen, can you tell I'm really working today? ;)

Screaming in my head

Thinking positively by repeating the following while sitting in my cubicle: "I love that I have a job, I love that I have a paycheck, I love that I can wear jeans and sparkly pink tops and my hair in pigtails, I love that I work with my husband...."

However, the nails on chalkboard sound of my Psychotic Co-Worker's rotten mouth noise on her phone talking so everyone can hear about how she is sick (do you really think every single client that calls cares when they ask the obligatory "How are you?") and that she is feeling hypo-glicemic every single day at 12:00 when she needs to eat. (No bitch, it's becuase you're hungry, like the rest of the planet at lunchtime.) Or how she slams everything down so people will pay attention to her or drags her cloven feet everywhere or answers all rhetorical questions....

Sorry, where was I. "I love that I have a job, I love that I have a paycheck, I love that I can wear jeans and sparkly pink tops and my hair in pigtails, I love that I work with my husband...."


Not exactly

Sadly today a New Jersey plane crashed into a building. The plane is clearly there, right? Wouldn't you think pictures of a bigger plane hitting a bigger building would show the plane sticking out of the building like the picture of today's crash?



No more daily pix

Because one reader suggested my site was misleading since I do NOT in fact update my "Daily pic" to the right on a daily basis, I have changed it to "Random pic". I hope that will once again set me right with the Lord.