Here we go!

Well we officially start shooting the zombie movie tomorrow. God, I'm amped. Tonight I'm storyboarding and sending out scripts, tomorrow I'm running all over creation getting last minute props. Plus I gotta be in a couple scenes so I gotta figure out what to wear and get my roots dyed. So know, standard movie star stuff. Hee hee.

I'll post pics from our shoot when I get them. I'm going to keep an online photo diary I think just for shits and giggles. So far all my pals are being really cool and pitching in, even people in different states that I don't see often. That feels nice. Especially after the blow off I got from most of my family about this project.

So yea, I'm a nervous wreck and will probably get to sleep about 5 a.m. but god damn if I'm not the happpiest girl in Chi-town. MOVIE TIME!


A joke that made me pee

Thanks to Yvonne, I am forwarding on this joke to you all (changed tense for blog purposes):

A lady on a plane once blew in my face and then asked me "does my breath smell like tacos?"

So I replied with "I don't know, do you put cat shit in your tacos?"

Go here too for funny stuff: Will Ferrel does Dubya.


First Little-GWO Announced

Jennifer found out that the newest addition to our little group of girlfriends will be a little girl! Seems exactly right.

The tech was 85% sure and said it looked like a "hamburger" so I assume that's good enough!

Biker Babes

Well it was our first try at riding our bikes to work. Few problems:

1.) I'm a lard ass and totally out of shape. I felt like I was going to puke (eating first didn't help), I felt like my legs were going to give out and my heart explode from my chest.

2.) Cars are evil. theMan almost got hit by a lady trying to pull into a parking lot instead he hit his brakes and almost went over the handlebars, crashing into the ground. He called her a "fucking bitch," she gave him the peace sign and went about her business. My protective skills were nil since all I could do was stand there and watch, not getting off my bike in shock to help. Now he's all bloody and I feel so selfish for not reacting.

3.) Lake wind is not helpful when you're riding into it. Ugh.

However, I'm going to see how riding alone tonight will be and see how my legs feel in a few hours. Plus we're saving $40 a week in L fare and gaining good health (as long as motorists leave us alone)! I better lose a frickin' midget in pounds if I do this daily or I'm resigning myself to being fat for life.



My Husband's Sense of Humor

An IM chat with theMan:

Kitten: i really want to ride bikes tomorrow to work instead of the train, i'm excited

theMan: ok

Kitten: although my cousin found online that long, frequent bike rides can cause infertility in men

theMan: we better rotate the stock tonight then

So cute.


Fat Bottomed Girls

I forgot to tell you folks about the awesome finds I got this weekend. 1.) a dress for $7 with high heels all over it and 2.) another weird t-shirt for my collection....

See for yourselves!

Although it's incredibly tight, see-through and unflattering so I gotta wait till I feel really slutty to wear it. Like today!

Also, I don't usually give too many CD reviews on here because well, I'm not usually hip on stuff. However, a new CD has come out that has blown my mind. Neurosis's new CD "Eye of Every Storm" is fucking amazing. Plus it was recorded in Chicago, a bonus. Not heavy metal, it's well, hard to describe. Reminds me of Deftones "White Pony" mixed with a little Pink Floyd ambience, and the occasional Tom Waits vocals, and well.....I just don't know. It's good okay?

Night night.

GWO Pics for the girlies

GWO Album Here

Girls, click on the link above for the pics from our recent weekend exploits. You can save them to your computers from here instead of me sending out a bunch of CDR's. Let me know if you have problems.

Everyone else....well, how are you?


GWO 5 - Recap (Long Entry)

WOW! I had such a blast this weekend. Seeing some of my best pals, catching up and seeing Jennifer's cute little belly.....awww, come on October! It's officially been one year of these GWO's (girl's weekend out) and these girls mean the world to me. This last year has rocked. So anyhoo, here's a recap of the latest one. Or if you don't want details, go to the previous entry and see our silly pics. Word. Tomorrow I will upload all the pics to my Yahoo! album as well.

Thursday I left work around 2:00 p.m., finished up some grocery shopping and house cleaning and then Erica showed up around 4:00 p.m. (after getting stuck in some construction). We commenced eating on some taco dip until Jennifer called and said she was running a couple hours late. So Erica & I went to Potbelly's for some dinner. My pal Rodney was working and got to come sit with us, sharing his newest poem and chatting. After Potbelly's we stopped in an expensive boutique b/c we saw a cute pregnant shirt in the window. Get this: A simple t-shirt with the words "Due In December" but it was $58.00!! Screw that. So we decided to kill some more time at Michael's Craft Store before going to the maze that is O'Hare International Airport. Had many a laugh as we circled the Arrival area looking for an entrance to the parking lot. Finally met with Jennifer with litle problems and headed back to my place. I haven't eaten McDonald's since watching "SuperSize Me" but we all decided to pick some up anyways. Once we got back to the house we took a walk to Lincoln Square for a treat, and then walked back. Gorgeous night but the woodshack felt like 100 degrees. Jennifer brought her doppler so we got to listen to the heartbeat live instead of on her website like usual. Went to bed around 11:00 p.m.

Friday: Got up and took theMan to work and came to Nookie's Tree for breakfast. It was beautiful outside, almost chilly. After breakfast we drove downtown and tried to find a cheap boatride. Nothing under $20.00 so we just went to H&M & Filene's Basement instead. Heather called so we headed back to the car and back home. Met up with Heather at the house, got changed into beach wear and went to BW3's for hot wings. Erica convinced me to get "Hot" instead of "Medium" and I ended up chapping my lips and the area around my mouth. They were sooooooo hot I could barely stand it. Us girls love us some hot wings, but DAMN!

After lunch we went to the beach to lay out. It ended up being cold and windy so we just laid on the towel and talked. Jennifer dug a hole in the ground for her belly and that's when she started to really feel the baby move, at least for sure. Someone at work told her to try it on a beach because then you can lay on your stomach and really feel stuff. Wish we could have felt it too but it was cool enough being there with her. Heather passed out so after she woke we got our things together and headed for the hotel. Showered and changed we came back downtown to Leona's for dinner. Dinner ended up being not that spectacular but the dessert made up for it. I don't know what's happening to Leona's, it's just not that great anymore.

After dinner we went to a couple sex toy shops in the area and Jennifer tried on some not-to-appropriate tank tops. For instance: the shirt with "I am a virgin" on it was especially funny with her big ol' preggo belly sticking out. There was another one that said "Stay the fuck away from me" which I was so tempted to get for Erica when she gets pregnant or to wear at familly gatherings.

After we picked up the car we went back to the hotel for some sleep and more talk.

Saturday: Got up bright and early, ate breakfast a little diner by the hotel and headed out to Gurnee Mills Outlet Mall. Ended up getting into major traffic but finally got around it. The mall was a lot of fun and we stayed there for 7 hours. Yea, I didn't think I'd like malls that much but this had like 200 stores. The maternity store was pretty funny (yet sad) because we all tried on the fake belly's and outfits. I really liked this dress but couldn't quite justify buying maternity since I've got a few 100 years. Ended up getting some deals until we just couldn't walk anymore. So we left.

Headed back to the hotel we stopped and ate at Outback Steakhouse where we had a really freaky waiter. His name was Ave (like Ave Maria) which was strange because in October we had met this spiritualist named "Ava". He was indian and definitely bi-sexual and started telling us about white culture and how we were prideful and how he met this 19 year old that was his spiritual love. How he was told he would meet this person, that the boy doens't really understand it. WEIRD. Interesting but a lot to take in. Some of the things he talked about rang true to me, at least reminded me of what I have been reading but there was just something off about him. Oh well....we were stuffed and exhausted at this point so we went back to the hotel, talked, read about pregnancy and talked some more then passed out.

I awoke this morning to some nightmares. I was chasing this chick that wrecked my car and I remember seeing her, turning around getting on all 4s and growling like a beast when Erica woke me up because I was screaming and moaning. Weird night. So I took Jen to the airport, we all said our good-byes and now I'm back at home washing clothes and missing my girls.

Smooches ladies!


Here's a few of my favorite pix from this weekend to hold ya over till the big ol' recap. Miss you already girlies!


Tip for Newbies

I've been wanting to change my "screen name" for a really long time but unfortunately I've got a lot of accounts using it. So for people deciding on their names, emails or blogger URL's, don't use "mistress". Actually don't use anything sexual suggestive, it's a pain in the ass.

For instance: IM received today

"Hello mistress, are you looking for longterm money slaves?"
"Mistress, can I be your slave for you to whip when you want?"
"Mistress, do you enjoy spanking men and would you spank me?"

You see where this is becoming a problem?

I'll be back

Well my loyal readers...I will be gone today until Sunday morning for "Girl's Weekend Out" in which I will be surrounded by some of my nearest and dearest to soak up all their lovliness for 3 whole days!! So I'll report back on Sunday with pics and stories of all our girlie craziness!

For the Chi-town readers, we ate at a new restaurant in Lincoln Square last night called Franklin's or something...my god! Apple soaked porkchops, lumpy mashed potatoes, corn bread and brewed iced tea followed by some heavenly apple cobbler. TRY THIS PLACE!

Jen K. & I also stamped final draft on our script last night after many hours of dialogue reworking and adding scenes. We're right on schedule and I am really excited about where the story has turned. Awww....now to film, the fun part!

Anyhoo, have a great weekend folks, I'm off!


Clean up

Well I did it. Despite sleep deprevation I managed to scrub my entire apartment last night, with the exception of the bathroom. So now I can let my weekend guests in, instead of making them sleep on the sidewalk.

Also watched Breakfast with Hunter, well a little of it before my internal organs shut down and I entered a lovely little coma on the couch. Good flick from what I saw, check it out.

Also managed to work on a script I've been collaborating on with the lovely Ms. Jen K. I haven't talked alot about it on here because, well I wanted to make sure it really happened before I started blabbering about it. I have a really annoying habit of making big plans and not following through. Anyways, so far we've almost got the entire script done with the exception of one small scene. We've got a list of props we need and most parts cast, and we've even managed to start on the costuming. My first film and it looks like it might be feature length. It will also be Jen K.'s first film with sound/dialogue. A challenge for us both.

I'll post pics and stuff when it gets filming time which will be in August if things go according to plans.

So my friends, here's the catch...we need zombies. Lots of them, and well we need people to die from zombie attacks as well...so if you are interested and will be in either C'ville or Chi-town at some point in August, drop me a line. I can't pay you but there will be pizza and brains, dig? And I don't care if you are an actor, this is simple no-dialogue stuff. No sweat. Don't be shy!

Ugh, must work. One more day and one dirty toilet until the girlies get up here....WOOOO HOOOOO!


Vodka, you little bitch

I don't know what it is with my friends and their love of hard liquor. Last night went to Trader Todd's (Ogre from Revenge of the Nerds owns it!) on Belmont for what was suppose to be half off night. Turns out that doesn't apply when there is a Cubs game. So not only was it expensive but it was full of douchebags beating on the Golden Tee game and singing horrible kareoke (spelled?). So we retired to their pad for some vodka and good times until 3 a.m.

Feeling a little rough today although I didn't get too shitfaced. Mostly just the 3 hours of sleep thing. The GWO girlies are coming up Thursday night and I have yet to clean or get groceries for snackies. This should be interesting tonight, I have visions of me falling asleep mid-scrub of the shower.

Regardless, I cannot wait for them to get here. If we ever have to wait more than 3 months between visits, I think I'll lose my mind.

I gotta rant a little regarding my sister....it was a weird weekend underneath the good times. It was really fun and she was great but there was this underlying tension. Everyone sorta treats her like she's home from college and doing all these great things with her life. They give her money, praise, etc. and it seems like I get picked on for things I've done, even by her. And I know it was about her this weekend and I obviously don't expect them to shun her but I can't help but feel a little stupid jealousy. I mean, I don't get large amounts of money just given to me. Money that she doesn't really need since she was telling us about all the free clothes she gets. Mostly because I don't ask and hate taking it but still. No one pays my bills but me and if they did I would certainly kiss their ass, not shrug it off. And when I tell them about what I'm doing it's just not the same reaction. I mentioned this film I'm working really hard on and that I'm really excited about and they looked at me like I was losing it "Oh that's nice", then changed the subject.

I've actually had the phrase uttered to me regarding my sister, "Well, you were that way when you were her age." She's 2 years younger than me folks. And I've been doing a blog for the past year so you know how I was at least a year ago.

My sister is doing great but let's face reality folks: She was sentenced there, she had little choice but to follow the rules or be sent to prison. I'm glad, more than I can convey, that she is clean and doing well but this weekend just proved my point that the minute she goes back to her old life, not surrounded by Pentecostals, she will change completely. She hasn't dealt with her addictions, just switched the addiction. At the wedding someone told me they saw her smoking. She still acted a little like that old sister that expects the world handed to her. Mostly this is from me not completely forgiving her for the shit she put me through, I know that. And I don't know when that will happen either.

I don't know, I'm overly sensitive too. All I know is I'm glad I don't live closer sometimes. I like my life and my friends and my city and 150 miles is a good distance to keep my family and me on speaking terms.


Get Er' Done!

Awww...what a flipping great weekend. Don't know why I was worried. Just to start things off here's a few pix and a link to a slideshow I threw together for my family. It's standard family pics, and they look like shit because iMovie was giving me hassle but oh well. You get the idea.

Family Pix slideshow
Need Quicktime to view and don't harass me about the quality. ;)

Okay, beware: LONG RECAP AHEAD!

Thursday we spent 12 hours in the car to go pick her up and then take her to our dad's. It was pretty fun though since we spent the car time singing to some tunes and catching up. Once we got to dad's we decided to go to the local Wal-Mart to get some life jackets for our boating expedition on Friday. I was in that store no more than 2 seconds before I saw 3 people I knew. Ah, small towns.

We came back home and hit the sheets. theMan stayed up and sat out on the porch taking in the country air for awhile. It was sooo nice being out in the middle of nowhere.

Friday we woke up early, Dad fixed us breakfast and we headed off to the lake for some boating. Dad has pretty much built this boat up from parts he's bought so this was a trial run. It didn't start for awhile so we swam why he coaxed the motor. Finally it started and we zipped around the lake for a couple hours. In the middle of the lake we all jumped in and that's when my sister decided to tell us about the over population of snakes in the area. We high tailed it back to the boat and wouldn't you know a snake swam up right beside the boat. That killed the swimming so we just relaxed out in the sun. We ended up having to paddle and push the boat back because for some reason it wouldn't start again. No big deal though....we abide.

My grams fixed us an awesome lunch with all sorts of fresh veggies and sweet corn. YUM!!!! We sat around and visited with them for awhile and headed out to my mom's for a cookout. That was pretty fun too. Got to see the entire family and eat non-stop. After everyone left we played with Harlie and passed out.

Saturday we got up early and met up with Dad, Chip and the Timmermans at Red Lobster. It was pretty good, better than I remembered. We then all ventured toward the local mall and shopped for a couple hours. That was a lot of fun too and we got to hang out with Dad a little longer.

We said our good-byes and headed back to E's house to get ready for the wedding. My cousin was getting married outside but and it started raining. The poor bride was bawling until it finally stopped almost right on time. The wedding was really cute and my poor cousin was soo nervous. The reception was a blast. E. & I danced and even my mom joined in. They had a huge firework display too. We got to see our whole family and have a lot of laughs.

Yesterday we got up early and headed home. My sister called and said she was glad to be going back because being out scared her, especially at the wedding since a lot of people were drunk or high. I imagine it was quite a shock.

More on my thoughts on my sis in another post. Basically I think she's going to be okay, but we'll see. And I couldn't have asked for a better weekend with my family.



Big Up For God-Ville

Hey folks...just wanted to let you know I won't be posting again until Sunday....that is unless I get some online action down South. And I don't mean in my pants! Wink wink, nudge nudge.

We're heading to Godville to get my sister, then seeing some family and such. Should be interesting to say the least. I'll try to take loads of fucked up pix of my redneck hometown to share with you all this weekend.

Chow lovelies and remember was Mistress says: Don't do heroin or you'll have to become Pentecostal!


Put yo titties back in your shirt, momma

Sunday I had rolled out of bed and threw on some shorts with my PJ top. A top that consists of a blue halter mesh/see-through tank top thingy with clear visuals of my nips if the light hits it right. Anyways, I was laying around the house in this when my cousin called. So I took the phone up to the porch for better reception.

I am sitting there for probably 1/2 hour talking away on my front steps. People are going by, joggers, neighbors, etc. I end the conversation and this truck pulls up before I stand to go back in the house. A hispanic man gets out and gives me a huge smile while staring at me while he's walking down the sidewalk. I wave because, hey, I'm a good neighbor.

As I stand to get up I look down and notice my entire right boob is hanging out of my halter top for all the world to see.

There ya go.


Put your boots on, it's getting deep in here

What a fucking shock. "Homeland Security" has no real evidence or proof that there will be a terrorist attack on election day this year but they want to move back the elections anyways.

They aren't even raising the terror alert. However, my bullshit alert has been raised well above "Def Con 4" for the past 3 years.

This stinks on so many levels, I'm not sure where to begin.

Please vote people.

Dirty dogg

We have a really cool thing here in Chicago....it's a beach where doggies that are cooped up in apartments can go and run like crazy puppies.

It's also a dating service, of sorts.


Filling cups like Double D's

Last night I bought a little bit of heaven. Yep, I climbed the golden ladder up to heaven's gate, squeezed under those big gold iron doors to snatch a piece of heaven's landscape. Then I put it on my bed and slept the sleep of the dead.

Or I went to Mejer and got a featherbed for 50% off. Whatever.


Hear that? That's my uterus asking me when it's needed?

One of my best friends is pregnant. Thankfully she keeps me updated on everything, all the lovely details, because like the information whore I am, I gotta know!!

She believes she may have felt the baby move last week. And that makes me feel like a big ol' puddle of girl. I'm just amazed. Even though I know babies happen every day, it doesn't happen everyday to my friends.

When she wrote that her baby is the size of her outstretched hand I immediately took my hand and placed it on my belly to judge. My god...that's huge. And again with the girl puddles and amazement.....

So I feel like since she has been giving me all manner of details from cervical mucous to breast tenderness, I should make a public confession as well. Even though I fear I may be labeled a total nut job. Here goes: I'm obessed with the birthing process and/or pregnancy. I religiously watch shows on it on TV, even recording them with our Replay to watch on the weekends. And when I watch these shows, I tear up. I read "What to Expect" when my girlfriends started reading it so I'd know what they were going through. I even check some baby blogs daily to keep in the know. I don't even flinch when I see the birth carnage coming out of the "gore tunnel" of complete strangers on TV. It's a disease, I understand.

However, I should state, I do not want kids of my own right now....not for at least another few years. I just want all of my friends to have 100 of them so I can spoil them, squeeze them and smell them at regular intervals.

Of course, I could also go into the medical field so I could be around labor constantly, however, the thought of having stranger's hoo-has in my general direction all day and night frightens me. For some reason I can watch stranger's hoo-has on porn, but not in living color.

My husband thinks I'm insane. I'll make sure he's engrossed in the computer room before I'll curl up on the couch at the opposite end of the house for some baby show time. He'll come in and see me with tears in my eyes and a screaming kid on the screen and just roll his eyes. I am insane, it's not news to me. And when my friend has her baby, I'll bawl then too.

Whew, I feel better. Confessions are healthy, no?

Now back to your regularly scheduled program of Anti-Bush, rants and porn.

Bush Linx---Go get em'

Check out these links. Anyone else feel like the end is near? ;)

-Ashcroft Resign
-Spy-Der-Man Flash cartoon
-The Junk Science of George W. Bush (Thanx to Fark.com)

Unfortunately, I don't have a ton of faith in John Kerry. I feel like this election year should be called the "Let a new asshole give it a try."

Hmm....just found an interesting movie that's playing this month. Wanna go?


The House of Blah

Woke up this morning with a bout of insomnia and panic. I literally woke up at 4 a.m. worrying about moving out of our apartment. That's not going to happen for 2 more months people, but I woke up in a panic about it. Plus, this weekend after I viewed "The Omen" and "Weather Underground" (both freaking excellent movies, by the way) I felt the need to scare the bejeezus out of my husband by running into his room proclaiming: "Something bad is going to happen this weekend. I feel an overwhelming sense of impending doom." He just looked at me like I was crazy so I went back to the couch to finish my panic attack in silence.

Turns out his grandfather had a stroke and is in the hospital. So either I'm psychic or insane. And yes, I don't know why this would be interesting to any of you, but hey.

Really really enjoying Robert Anton Wilson's "The Book of the Breast." So much, in fact, it's becoming one of my favorite books by him. He's currently going into a rant on patrist and matrist society's and how breastfeeding and breasts in general affects each. Interesting, and I'd certainly have to agree so far with his logic. Societies that condone circumcism, sexual repression, less than equal treatment for women....tend to have more wars, depression, etc. He also talks about how the Women's Lib Movement is more patrist than they think. Seeing how they are for sexual repression and such....darn lost my thought.

Apparently I'm currently too tired to think clearly.

He also brings up an interesting point. That smoking pot instead of drinking alcohol, buying second hand clothes, living off the land, even hitch hiking is forms of political protest since you are doing whatever you can to not give to the major corporations. Corporations that fund the government. Interesting....I would certainly go back to herbal ways now, especially after this weekend. Yikes. Didn't realize getting baked and watching public access was a form of protest. Darn if I don't feel involved now!



Here's to You!

Jen & I came up wih a new drink last night which I must share.

3 lemons (squeezed or chopped then strain, whichever).
1/2 cup sugar
3/4 blender full of ice
5-7 shots of vodka (flavored if you are feeling saucy)

We call it "Life's Hard Lemondade." Enjoy!


After 26 years of life on this planet, 10 of which I have consumed alcohol, I have always bragged that I never puke when I get drunk. It was my mantra whenever people would share their horror stories.

"Nope, not this Mistress. I never puke!"

Want me to tell you a secret to my non-puking? Don't consume over a gallon of vodka with your friends and expect to hold on to that record.

At least I got the "next day funny hair" syndrome as a consolation prize.

Not only did I get "funny hair", I got other symptoms of a night of beligerance: mystery bruises (although I'm sure those are from nose diving into furniture), weird unexplainable smells emitting from my body (pretty sure I smell soap on me, which might be from being in a bathtub with Jen K.) and stained clothing (has to be from the 10's of 1,000's of spilled drinks and puking). I also have one huge black mark on my back that I'm hoping someone might be able to help me figure out where that came from.

Despite barely being able to stand upright and all of the above, I had a blast. I distinctly remembering filming involved at some point, so I imagine I've made yet another embarrassing contribution to my pal's drunken video collection.



I heard that Marlon Brando died today. That immediately makes me think of one of my fav movies, Streetcar Named Desire. Never a sexier man on film than in that movie, at least to me. See ya big guy.

I got some pix of my gramps in the mail from my father yesterday. They sorta remind me of another Brando movie.

I miss my Gramps.