Holy hell where did the time go?

Wow. I missed this. I missed writing freely about what I was thinking and feeling. But I've been on maternity leave, apparently from this blog too. My apologies to any readers I even had.

I'm back though and after 8 weeks I figured out I need to write. Desperately. You see, I've been so blessed with an absolutely gorgeous, easy, funny daughter who loves me very much and vice versa. A little nugget that has completely captured me. But the downside to giving birth? God damn I got hit with some depression. BIG TIME. I'm still wading through it.

Crying in my car sitting outside a cafe, saying awful mean things to those I love without batting an eye, not answering my phone, going in my cave, not being able to talk about the birth without crying, feeling like I have only enough brain and heart for one thing at a time, dreading doing anything creative, hating my new mom body. Thankfully the only person not feeling my wrath is Addie, but I don't like her hearing my wrath pointed towards others.

I'm due to go back to work full time in 2 weeks and apart of me is excited to get into a routine again. I think that will help. But a bigger part of me is breaking inside having to leave my little girl. Oh the joys of being a modern woman.

Don't get me wrong, I still feel absolutely STUNNED I was giving the opportunity to mother this beautiful little girl. God damn it's not something I take lightly. I'm just trying to figure out where I fit in.

SO I'm back and if you'll have me, I plan on being very honest here, as per usual, and getting it all out. If there is anyone out there pregnant or just giving birth...the one piece of advice no one told me until afterwards: Every day gets easier. I like that and it's so true.

P.S. Cecily, you read my mind.