What are your plans tonight? Whatever they are, remember to celebrate the last day of this year with complete debauchery and sin, it's only right.

My selfish hopes for 2004:
-A new president (at this point a 1972 Dodge would do a better job)
-A Honda Shadow VLX Deluxe
-A vacation w/ theMan
-Babies for my pals who are trying to have them, and no babies for those who aren't
-Another kick ass year of good times

Yea, that almost covers it. At least what I could think of right now. So here's a big ol' "see ya" to 2003 and a "hey sexy" to 2004. Have fun people!


Left wingers blog that my cousin forwarded to me. Sorta interesting. Read 12/17/03 post.....I was out of the loop on the pregnancy pill goings on.

I want to bring back the phrase "Your mom". I think it's time.

For instance....today my co-worker said, "Mistress, might I suggest going to Brian's Subs for lunch. They are better than Subway."

To which I replied, "John, might I suggest YOUR MOM."

See, that's still funny, right?

Another co-worker just came downstairs and asked, "Who brought in the x-mas cookies?"

To which I again replied, "Your mom."


Yes, folks.....the only reason for the internet is here. Rate My Cock.com. (NOT SAFE FOR WORK!)

Wow, I just read my pals blogs and they went into serious detail. So I thought I would too. Why not, right? A couple of really special things happened over the holidays that I wanted to share.

1.) My grandma gave me my great-grandmother's watch. If there's one thing that reminds me of my grandma it's that watch. I bawled like a baby. I don't think I'm going to wear it though. I think I'll just keep it safe in it's protective pouch for awhile.

2.) My biological-father remembered that he completely forgot my birthday without any clues from me. He even apologized and was also very sweet. I don't know. Basically he said if we ever needed anything don't hesitate to call. That felt good. I've always wanted a closer relationship with him, but we're 2 different people so I think we make due. It's just nice for a little reaffirmation now and then.

3.) I got to spend loads of time with family I don't see that often. Have any of you ever played Dominoes? GWO, I'm bringing them with me for our trip in January. That's fun! Ended up staying up till about 2:30 a.m. on Friday playing with my family.

4.) I got to have good talks with my mom and she loved her photo collage I did for her too.

So all and all it was fabulous. Even watched 3/4 of a great movie last night called Y Tu Mama Tambien. Good stuff, check it out.

Okay, better work. Hopefully we get Friday off this week too because I'm really not wanting to work. I imagine none of you are either.



Hope you all had a great time off work and visiting loved ones! Myself, well I had a great time. My mom and relatives totally spoiled me. My grandmother gave me my great grandmother's watch, which made me cry. My dad even got all creative for me. (See below)

Man, I had such a great time. I even got to see people I hadn't seen in awhile. All of which I think is the reason for x-mas in the first place, just to get together with people. Tomorrow it's back to work and then another holiday. No plans yet for that one though.

More tomorrow!


My husband kicks so much ass.

Merry xxx-mas eve everyone!

For my high school graduation, my pal Jordan and I swapped gifts at each other's open house. I gave him a card with $20 in it and he gave me a card with $20 in it. The only people that gained anything financially out of that situation was the card company. That's kinda how I feel about the idea of swapping gifts at x-mas. (Not that I don't appreciate it, that's different). But it's about the same thing.

Only another 1/2 day left of work and it's vacation time. Only a few last minute things to get together and we're outta here.

Didn't really sleep last night too much. Ended up shopping and snipering some punks in Halo until midnight. Good stuff though. I was actually doing good! There's time for sleep later. I ain't got time for it.

Well, not much to post today. Just blabbering. Happy XXX-mas people.


Holy mother of pearl, I'm tired. Stayed up till 4 a.m. last night but it was for an excellent reason. Helped Jen K. make her latest installment of artistic mastery. Even got to latex a nearly naked young lady in the process. Fun fun fun!!! Hopefully she will start a website or something to share her movies with the internet population. Good stuff!

Here's a photo from the shoot, although I hope I'm not giving too much away. I just liked this pic because it shows Jen K. in her element. :)

I must sleep soon or I'm going to fall over. I've slurred my speech, almost cried and gone blurry eyed already today. G'night.


Aww...another Friday. I feel like I've helped my fellow man today. Let's see. I've let a newly non-virgin employee borrow my copy of a great book on the "Art of the Female Orgasm", I gave the bike messenger some of our chocolate goodies, and I helped torrid.com get rid of some of their clearance items by charging them to my credit card.

I feel I've done enough for human kind today.


Just watched the Warren Zevon mini-documentary on VH1. Geez man....sad stuff. He said something that I just had to write down so I'd remember it though. Something like this:

"People buy books to buy time. When you buy a book you are subconciously hoping you're buying the time to read it."

Looks like I'm getting dad The Wind CD for x-mas this year.

After all that listening to me bitch, here's some links for ya:
I hate Bush
Red vs. Blue (watch the videos)
Phone bashing Wouldn't we all love too.
Dark Side of the Net
Occultopedia.com Can you find your fav?

Merry freaking x-mas people!


Maybe it's the enormous amounts of Tylenol I've been consuming but lately I've been feeling restless again. Thank goodness I have a trip in January coming up and all these holiday festivities. But other than that, I want out. Out of this city, out of my job, out of my skin, out of my clothes, out of the country, out of my head (well, I've been doing a fabulous job at that lately). Do you get me?

Maybe it's the holidays. Everyone says you get depressed and anxious during this time of the year. Seems like no matter what I don't feel very good lately. Holy frijoles, Mistress, get a grip.

We've been daydreaming about abandoning all luxuries and moving out to the country again this week. I do miss it sometimes. I love Chicago for all it's worth, but there's something about that slow moving back road way of life that appeals to me too. Maybe it's just the fact that I don't have an overwhelming love of humankind. I love and care for my friends, family and etc. but I'm not kidding myself. I'm not made out for the Peace Corps. Let's just put it that way.

Anyways, my aunt & uncle from New Mexico sent us an x-mas card reminding us flights are more expensive in the summer, so we better act now. (Do they have ESP or something?) Maybe I'll just surprise myself and charge a flight or two on the old Visa. Erica, you game?

The other day theMan made a comment that he's "so done with 2003". I think I share his sentiments.

Oh well....all is not lost. Just feels good to rant sometimes. Nighty-night.

Back at work today. Still nauseous. Sorry if I haven't emailed anyone back that has emailed me. Haven't really been at the computer much. The good thing is the next 3 weeks I have 3-day work weeks! Yay!

More in a bit.


Well folks, I got the lampshade award! After many months of practice and rehearsing I won the award by a landslide. I left a trail of chocolate martini on the floor, sort of like a red carpet as I accepted the award. The final tally: 6-7 glasses of white wine, Disarono on the rocks, 2 chocolate martinis. Then came home and had some people over and added a little green on top of that.

Apparently I was stroking off a bottle as I stared at the ceiling although I don't remember that at all. Anyways, I am not at all embarrassed for my actions but I did feel like an idiot for the amount of alcohol. Mostly because I had to meet up with my family the next day. As a side note, if you ever have a tremendous hangover, especially nausea or headache, go to Ed Debevic's. Trust me, you'll thank yourself later.

Speaking of my family coming up, we got to see some Christmas-y stuff on Saturday. The crowds were insane, but it was fun. I've lived here for several years and much of what we saw I didn't know existed. Although there was some bad news since I found out my 15-year old cousin was pregnant. Which you can tell why that's bad news, but it's even worse because her sister, one of my best friends, has been actually trying to get pregnant for several months. Life sure is funny that way. You spend your teen years trying not to get knocked up, and when you want to be it's a trial. Well, anyways, it'll work out. Life usually does. I just can't imagine being pregnant at 15. Lord.

I'm home sick today. theMan has been puking since yesterday so I stayed home too.


Well today I've painted my nails, if that tells you how focused I am at work today. I've given my liver and intestines the proper pep talk to get me through the x-mas party tonight. Lord willing I'll get that lampshade award yet!

Tomorrow visiting with my family who's coming up to see the decorations for a few hours. I'm stoked! Except I have a feeling it's going to be freezing outside. We'll just have to stop in those warm, inviting stores.... ;) After that just kicking it...maybe hit up a few bars to get in the holiday spirit.

I've been having a great, busy end of 2003. Hmm...I like that.

I got a letter from my sister today finally. I hadn't heard from her in awhile. They had a hammer thrown through their front window, but she seems okay with it. She said they've been keeping her really busy with dinners and teas (??) and banquets. She gets to get all dressed up and such. I got to order her some non-Jesus books even for x-mas. She gets to read more now that she's graduated from the bottom level. That's good news...I'd go nuts if all I could read was the Bible.

Okay, well no real news today. Just filling you in on my goings-on. Have a great weekend people!


I can't wait for the xmas party here at work. Besides the awesome food, it's great entertainment. If this tells you anything we have a 3 HOUR cocktail time before eating dinner. Plus, most people start drinking at lunch anyways.

As a matter of fact, we're just sitting here at work trying to decide who is going to get the lampshade award this year. Whoever gets the drunkest at the x-mas party and makes the biggest fool of themselves, gets the award. The new guy got it last year by a landslide. We presented him with a small lamp the following Monday.

Last year the guy was cut off 3 times at the restaurant, then refused entry at Le Passage when people left to go to a club. He called our boss at home at 1 a.m. to ask him to get him in. That didn't work so then he broke into a co-worker's apartment because he thought he left his keys there. Believe it or not, there were others in the running for the award.

I personally have never received the award at the x-mas party, however, I did receive it once at the Administrative Assistant party. We started drinking at 12:30 and stopped about 8 p.m. that night. Opened 4-5 bottles of wine, 6 ameretto sours, san buca (however that's spelled), and some crazy rum drinks. I ended up being pushed into a cab with my skirt over my head after calling a friend of my boss's "Lips" in reference to her recent botched collegen injections. Yes folks, I even have it on tape thanks to my loving husband.

Aw alcohol....ain't it great.


Iranian Nobelist Blasts Handling of War on Terror
Prizes Awarded in Norway, Sweden
By Inger Sethov, Reuters

OSLO (Dec. 10) -- Iran's Shirin Ebadi became the first Muslim woman to receive the Nobel Peace Prize Wednesday and sent a bold anti-war message to the West, accusing it of hiding behind the September 11 attacks to violate human rights.

Read it here.

Bijou Theater is a place for gay men to get together in the City and have some fun. They have a list of porn they show at the theater. While purusing with my co-worker, we happened upon the gem called "Night of the Occultist." Wow. If this link doesn't work, go to the link above and find it in the list under "Photo Gallery".

Crap. (Not safe for work or your subconcious)


Later on....

We're sitting in our wood covered workshop typing away on our respective machines, when the upstairs neighbors start their 2 1/2 hour long session of running back and forth, back and forth along the floor above our heads.

I swear to god I'm buying 2x4's and putting shoes on the ends and walking them all over the ceiling at 4 a.m. for a straight week.

Watched Invent This! tonight on Tech TV. Love that show, although it usually produces a hour long conversation about buying land in Wisconsin with a barn for a workshop. One day. Or Canada, the way this country is going.

Also, don't forget Maddox is on Unscrewed tomorrow night kiddies! Set your TiVos!


Hey there....how are you today?

It's Tuesday and that means Queer Eye is on tonight. Missed it last week, but for good reasons, so tonight's the night. Now, I try not to schedule my life around TV, however, this show makes me laugh out loud. Ya gotta respect that.

Seems like certain weeks my entire blog is about sex or related to porn in some way. Hmm....hope you all don't mind! Guess I'm just a girl that loves porn. What can ya do?

No real news today. Other than theMan has been working diligently on his site. I know many of you have checked his link (over 1,000 hits, thanks guys!) to the side and been sorely dissappointed with the lack of content, but stay tuned. Shortly you will be rewarded. I may even be contributing some articles, which makes me happy. If I didn't have to go to school for another 4 years, I would probably go for journalism. I dig it.

Anyhoo....since it's the Christmas season, I've made some lists of books, movies, video games I love that I'm going to post shortly to hopefully help in some way with your gift giving stress. Let's face it, that's what x-mas is about. Besides getting together with family, most people get and give gifts. Why beat around the bush? So I'll try to help you out!

Anyhoo...have a great Tuesday. Cheers!


Ah Monday. Not quite recovered from the weekend just yet. Hopefully this week whizzes right by. I've got big plans this weekend that I'm stoked for. Wait, I suppose it's not good to wish away the week....okay so I won't. I'll savor it.

Here's the sexy links I promised for your 2003 seX-Mas Spectacular (not safe for work):

Xandria.com-Toys and such
Kitten's Toy Room-Toys, bondage gear, etc.
Adam & Eve-Standard well known company
Passion for Pleasure-More toys and such
Granny's-Liked the name
Adult movie database-Mega list of porn
Trashy Lingerie
Lingerie of Hollywood-Sales going on here
Lollipop Lingerie
Playboy.com-Get them a subscription! (or Perfect 10, whatever)
Bondage/Toys catalog
Fettered Pleasures-Bondage gear and furniture
JT Stockroom-Furniture & more

Some of these I briefly reviewed, so be sure to check that they are 100% legit before making any purchases, of course. If anything, use these sites as research before hitting up your local shops. Email me with suggestions you have, because like you, I'm x-mas shopping here too! I may do a review of toys that my collection of lady friends like so you can shop for your special lady friend as well....hmm....I'll have to look into that.

Anyways, talk to you tomorrow.


Put the X back in x-mas!

Got the tree up and got some shopping done. Almost completely done actually, with little hassle at the stores. Also figured out what to get theMan...and this tip might help my friends with hard to buy for significant others. It's going to be a sexy Christmas this year! Instead of buying the standard CDs, books, etc. Make a rule to buy your mate something sexy and vice versa. Sound good? They can go get the CD they want themselves, but a 12 inch double dong is something only a true lover can get for them! So make it a sexy themed Christmas at your house. I'll post some links this week to help you out, but you know the Liberator always makes my top 10.

Currently watching Best in Show on Comedy Central....Christopher Guest & Eugene Levy are pure genius.

Anyways, here's my weekend recap. The burlesque show by the Lavendar Cabaret kicked a lot of ass. The ladies were absolutely gorgeous. No stripper could compare. Long dancer legs, curvy hips and ass and natural boobies. They could dance too.....considering they were basically stripping, almost nude and pulling off pretty awesome dance routines, we were impressed. The lingerie was gorgeous. Made me want to go straight to Victoria Secret. There were plenty of fishnets, pasties and heels. They covered the basic realms of sexual fantasy: 2 french maids undressing each other for a watching woman, the housewife with maribou heels stripping down to barely anything, a strip contest which involved a men's suit and little else, 2 stewardesses in garters and smoky cabaret scenery. theMan even got a little action from a singing beauty and a stewardess. All in all we had a blast.

I also have a tip for those in the audience that enjoy all things herbal. Indulge and watch the short movies on the Tenacious D DVD. Sweet merciful Christ.

Also watched a hilarious movie last night. Go see Bad Santa but don't take anyone easily offended. Actually, take someone easily offended and watch their reaction. Billy Bob Thornton is a genius and so was the main kid in the movie...damn. Didn't realize Terry Zwigoff did it either. He did another of my fav movies, Crumb.

Okay, well I'm signing off. To recap: Go see a burlesque show, make it a sexy themed x-mas and go see Bad Santa. Oh, and don't forget about Tenacious D man. Yikes.


It's Friday! Weeeeeeeee! Ah, the weekend. Filled with dancing ladies and possibly chilling out with pals and Mossman. The weather is making it a good weekend for all of those things. I was going to go shopping but I'm really not in the mood to Christmas shop, so that, in all reality, might not get done.

Is it selfish that I end up buying things for myself when I x-mas shop?

Putting up the tree this weekend. Now, readers, don't let that frighten you. "Has Mistress given up her hatred of all things Christmas-y and turned her back on her beloved Halloween?" Nay, dear readers.....I printed out a picture of a guy standing in front of a tree and will be taping it to the wall by the closet for us to use as a reference point to put our presents under. Have no fear! A traditional Christmas will not occur in the Mistress's residence!

Pleasant weekend people.


Have you met my sexy new boy toy, Steve?
No you didn't Filene!

Oh, but I think she did!

Surprise....I've been elected to turn the slides of a Powerpoint presentation I made for my boss today at her presentation on ethics at the Hilton. I'll assume it's because of my well timed slide turning skills that I listed on my resume and not because I'm the only one available. ;)

So anyways, I learned a perk of working on Michigan Avenue. Because I have little fashion sense and because I don't have to wear business clothes to work, I have nothing nice to wear to a presentation. I managed to scrounge together some pants and a shirt, but have been lying to my work since 9 a.m. saying I had to run errands so I could frantically shop for boots this morning up and down Michigan Avenue. Well, I didn't find any that fit over my fat calves, of course, but hey....shoe shopping is good for the soul.

So anyways, I'm here now at work not wanting to work. So I thought I'd blog.

Tomorrow we go to Lavendar Burlesque to see the pretty dancing ladies. I think I'm more excited than theMan, but what's new. Let's just say he isn't the adventurous sort of lad. I wonder if we can take pictures? If so, I'll post some. I'm curious to see if they are topless or what.....

It's officially 3 weeks till Christmas folks and 330 days till Halloween!!!!! Yea!

Oh, as a side note. I added a link to my diet blog to the side just because I check my daily links from my blog at work as to not clog up my favorites on my work PC. The blog is really just for me to put what I eat so I can attempt to get a handle on this hail damage and such. It's really not going to be interesting for the general public. Didn't want you all to think I really had such an ego that I thought you'd all want to know what I'm consuming! ;)

Okay, gotta work a little today despite my best efforts not too. Chow!


My family is asking me what I want for X-mas this year. I was stumped until I really started brainstorming. So far I don't want much, right? ;)

-Camera Phone so I can start a moblog
-a lifetime supply of Chaser Pills
-Lost in Translation on DVD
-Neil Gaiman books I don't have
-Victoria Secret sleepware or robe
-any sort of messed up looking handbag
-1950's hearse in black and a purple coffin full of speakers bumpin' in the back
-a ring from theMan that didn't come as a free gift with a subscription to "Keyboard" magazine (I kid, geez. ;) )
-Game Cube

Gifts for adults are kinda pointless. I mean, if you want something, you can usually just buy it yourself. I'd like something weird that I wouldn't have found on my own, but it's selfish to ask someone to go on that sort of quest for you. Ha! So okay, I'm changing this to my list of things to buy myself this year. 2004 better bring me a better paying job....damn.

Shot of tequila, Gay bars, mustached half naked men, AC/DC, a camera = Happy Birthday Jen K.!

Also Ozzy's Birthday, how fucking rock n' roll is that!

(all pix courtesy of her royal 21-ness, Jen Gin Jin.)


I almost forgot...this Friday I got tickets for theMan and I at Lavendar Burlesque! The pics look tasty enough. I'll give ya a full review this weekend. We got seats right in front to the left and I'm stoked. Hopefully they will pull him on stage and molest him. I mean, I want my full $20 worth, right?

This darn blogger erased some of my links to the left. OTher than this I have no complaints with blogger.com whatsoever. But a blogger scorned is not to be messed with.

[Note: Blogger.com is not to blame. I'm just a HTML idiot sometimes. GWO: there's the link to the left. -Editor]

I'm having a hell of a time with blogger right now. Stuff is disappearing and then showing up later. I'll try to fix in a second.

Do you live in any of these dangerous cities? Thankfully Chicago isn't up there on the list, but I'm not happy about some of the other ones since I have family in those cities.

Oh man! My co-worker has a 70's station on and Elton John's "Tiny Dancer" is on! Although we always change the lyrics to "Hold me closer, Tony Danza."

If you can, pick up the 50th Anniversary Issue of Playboy before it sells out. It's full of great interviews with Norman Mailer, Hunter S. Thompson, etc.

Also, received our copy of "Maybe Logic" in the mail yesterday. It's a 3 hour DVD about Robert Anton Wilson. Damn good too.

Okay, more in a bit.


OH! I almost forgot. We shot a film of Godville while we were there so I got to learn to use iMovie on the Mac this weekend. I think I have a new passion. I spent like 3 hours on this 10 minute film clip but it was so much fun. I learned to add titles, music, fade ins, etc.....damn. So anyways, I was excited and wanted to share. I gotta find more to film.

Whew...had to end last night's post early because well, let's just say, the lower intestines had other plans.

Anyways. It's the first day of December and that's always fucked up. Mostly because it means a couple things. It's almost Christmas, it's almost the end of the year and it's getting colder and colder. I'm ready though. If Christmas goes as well as Thanksgiving with family get togethers, then I'm stoked.

Later today I'll have some links for you concerning Bush and the state of our country. Stay tuned for that. theMan was on the case last night and found some great ones.

Also read a great article on a woman named Ida Craddock. She was a woman ahead of her times in the late 1800's regarding sexuality and women's rights. Pretty interesting stuff. She eventually was arrested because of anti-obsenity laws in New York for mailing out literature on basically how to make love to women. She slit her wrists before sentencing. It's quite amazing how far we've come in 100 years and how far we've still got to go. Some of her material included stories from nurses of men forcing their way into their wives hospital rooms after they've had children to have sex with them. You should pick up the Book of Lies soon, it's good stuff.

Well, that's enough for now. I'll post more in a bit.