Let the drilling commence!

Off at 3:00 p.m. today to get a cavity filled and one filling replaced. So if you hear faint screaming in the distance, don't sweat it, it's just me.

The Bear strikes again

Thanks to Jzn for pointing this out. I wondered why Rodney was spending so much time away from home.

Rodney, stay out of people's kitchens for crying out loud!

Oh it's Spotless all right

Wow. We watched Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind last night after much pressure from our pals. When the credits rolled that's all I could think, WOW. I'm not really sure I should sum it up or anything because I don't want to give away anything. However, the premise is this couple breaks up and decides to erase each other from their memories. That's all I'm telling you.

Get your butt to the independently owned movie store and put this sucker in your preferred viewing machine IMMEDIATELY. Charlie Kauffman wrote the script, he also did Adaptation as well as other things. Yep, I'm buying this sucker.

In other news, the presidential debates are tonight. I want to make it a drinking game. Every time they say "terrorist" or "freedom" do a shot. I don't really get how they can call this a "debate" since it's basically just structured bullshitting what with all the rules. I've heard they can't even look at each other or ask each other questions. Fucking pussies. I say, lock them in a room with some "average" Americans and answer their questions without any ear buds connected to their PR people. Then we'll end it with no holds barred ultimate fighting. If they both pass out, we can elect someone completely different.

Ugh. I'll try to blog tonight during the debates so you can live my frustration as it happens.


Costume Idea: Need your vote

Costume idea I just got: Get a burqa (those robes the women have to wear in Afghan, etc.) and cut a hole so your massive boobs are hanging out of it.

Feel free to steal that idea for yourselves, but do you think I should do it too?

Did I mention there was a Halloween store opening in my building. Wait, I don't think you heard me....THERE IS A HALLOWEEN COSTUME SHOP OPEN IN MY BUILDING!!!! AWWWW! It must be my birthday!

How to Get Laid

Last night my pal Lance gave some sound advice to his pal going on a date with his new little lady. He said, "If you want to get laid, I suggest you take this with you."

Thinking he'd give him a few condoms, I was surprised when he slipped him a worn copy of the film, Stealing Beauty.

And man, I would have to agree. This has been one of my favorite films for a long time. I've seen it probably 60 times and every single time I feel like having sex immediately upon seeing the credits roll.

So I thought it best to pass this knowledge on to my guy readers out there. And well, girl readers too if you'd like to watch something, besides porn, that will get you in the mood. It's not a total chick flick either. Guys you'll get to see Liv Tyler's boobs as well as a lot of other ones, but it's sensitive and gorgeous enough to impress any of your lady friends into moving things to the bedroom upon completion. And on a base level, it's a really great story.

To quote Lance: "Why do you think I own it?" Don't say I never did anything for ya. ;)


Uterus, quit bothering me

Just got off the phone with my mom. Her god-daughter, Harlie was there. This is a kid theMan & I have decided we would adopt in a heartbeat given the chance. Well, Harlie got on the phone and proceeded to tell me 1.) She was jumping on the bed, 2.) She was a baby monkey and 3.) She was driving my mom crazy!!! (Picture a 3-year old yelling this for the full effect).

This past weekend and hearing her little cute voice again is not making these "settling down" urges go away. Uterus, will you please please please stop with the pestering already!!

New Phrase

I heard a new phrase today in regards to sex.

The Old Slap & Tickle

God, I love that.


Slideshow of my crazy ass family

I threw together a sweet little Picture Slideshow for your viewing pleasure of pix from this past weekend's visit with my family.

I can't do a picture slideshow without putting sappy music to it. Sorry.

(Music: Cat Stevens, The Wind. You will need Quicktime to view.)

Editor's Note: Try again if it didn't work prior to 10:12 p.m. tonight...damn iMovie.

Let's Go Sexin'!

Last night we met up with our pals and watched "A Dirty Shame" by John Waters at the movie -viewing establishment. WOW. If you don't like John Waters, then obviously this ain't for you. But my god, if you do....go see this. I'd say much better than his last film, "Cecil B. Demented". It's brilliant and hilarious and dirty as hell. Some great dialogue, lines I want printed on a t-shirt, and a soundtrack I plan on scouring the planet for. Plus the tricks he used while filming...man, I just can't say enough but I don't want to give it away. If you like Mr. Waters, go see it. Nuff' said.

Not to mention Johnny Knoxville and Chris Isaack are hot, hot, hot.

To Sister with love

This weekend was great, flipping bloody great (Sorry, been watching alot of BBC). We got down to my mom's on Friday and we all sat around the kitchen table while I prepared some food for the next day's cookout just laughing and catching up. Her boyfriend (who I actually like) just proposed to her on Thursday. So she's all giddy and it's cute. The highlight though was when my mom and I laid on her bed and talked, really really talked for about an hour or so.

Mom surprised me actually. I spilled the beans on my recent relationship troubles and she was completely understanding, even gave me what I feel to be excellent advice. She also seemed to be really honest and sincere about how she felt and her life. We talked like girlfriends, completely open and candid. My appreciation for her increased even more that night, I suppose. And I'm going to try to give her more credit.

Saturday we got up and went to my dad's house to see my sister and family. More laughing, talking, hugs and Gram's molasses cookies. YUM. We walked around their farm for a bit too. That old pull in my heart that makes me never able to completely love the big city was there, tugging away.

That night we had a huge cook-out at my mom's. Most of my cousins, aunts, uncles, pseudo-aunts/uncles, etc. were there laughing until we couldn't breathe and reiminscing about old times. One of my best friends, E. even got to show up for awhile which was great.

I got to know my cousin Jeremiah's wife a little better too. I like this chick. She's tough as nails, funny and takes care of my cousin. I found out she's Irish, which since I've moved to Chicago and been surrounded by tough Irish gals, fascinates me to no end. Maybe it's old fashioned but I'd like my husband to brag about his wife's ability to make a good meal, kick some ass when necessary and down a beer with the best of them like my cousin did.

All the while I noticed Jamie, my sister, being really quiet for the most part. Later I asked her if she was okay and she said, "Yea, I just feel really foreign to all this now." She is doing well though. Looks great still and making plans for the future. She's going to apply for college to finish nursing and stay on with the program for awhile. She actually sounds more grown up than I do. Ha! I'm still worried she'll be in Indiana for an entire week but it is out of my control.

On the way home as a bonus, I got a call from an old dear friend of mine. We'd been out of contact for awhile, I was actually quite mad during that time. It all seems fine now, at least between us and I can't wait to see him again.

I left yesterday dragging my feet. I wanted to stay so bad and I never feel that way about my hometown. Although to be fair I wasn't really in the "town" as much as the country around it. I've never had an overwhelming urge to buy a house in the country, have kids and just be surrounded by family as I did this weekend and I still do as I sit here. Especially with this fun, action packed summer I've had, that's been the furtherest thing from my mind.

Also, my cousin Jeremiah put his arms around me Saturday night as we walked back up to the house after helping our grandparents in the car. He said something along the lines of "I love you and I never want this family to fall apart again, we have to keep it together after our grandparents are gone." Let's just say I won't forget that too soon.

My mom and sister are suppose to come up here this weekend for a visit. Maybe that will take this longing away a little.


The Almighty Lombard

How cool is it that our pal, Matt Lombard, got his artwork on the COF shirt banned!?!?!?

The workers refused to print it. Kick ass.

Go ahead and vote, but yea...I feel the same way

Wow, I actually agree with a wrestler. Except, I'm still voting because I just have too.


Babies R' Us

Congrats to my pal Samara (& Will too, since he helped) on her news....can't wait to see you in November toots!



Need to write 30 words to make this post contain 80,0000 words written since I started this blog in June 2003. My god. That is a lot of words.

Have I told you lately?

Have I thanked all you lovely readers lately?

Hee hee...sorry. I know I'm vain, but really I'm just trying to figure out ways to use this iSight besides as a paperweight. I didn't realize with iMovie 3.0 (or whatever) you can make short movies with it. Now I just gotta find interesting subject matter.

I'm going home this weekend to see my sister and family. Sis has officially been in Godville for a year and her "sentence" is up this Friday when she "graduates". She's staying on for another 6 months and going to school (hopefully). But the required time is over.

She said she's been having nightmares all week that show her not coming back or coming home and loading up on drugs again. She said they prayed for her because she was under spiritual warfare. Yea, I don't really believe in the Bible, but I do believe your consciousness can fuck with you. And I feel for her having to go through that. Although I'm excited as hell to see her, her being home an entire week without me constantly babysitting her freaks me out. A big part of me wishes she'd just stay in that safe haven for the next 15 years. 15 years...yea, that might be enough time to not worry about her going back to sticking junk in her veins.

Tomorrow my mom is getting surgery too. Tense week for my family. The scary part is her blood pressure has been up really high all week. Some good news is that her cancer is still in remission, so she says. The bad part about my mom is that I never feel like I'm getting the whole story. I just hope that's true about her cancer. As much as my mom drives me nuts, I'd be lost without her, without our weekly phone calls. Hmm, that reminded me of one of the scariest moments of my life. I was doing dishes and my mom was sitting at the kitchen table. I was probably 16-17 and way taller than my mom so I could see over her head. I looked back to ask her something and I noticed she was balding from chemo on the top of her scalp. I didn't even know she was doing chemo, that's how much my mom hates to worry us. She still worked full time, took care of us and underwent chemotherapy without our support.

She's crazy on occasion, but god damn she's strong.

So yea, big family weekend and I can't wait. Did you know it's officially fall today? That is sorta sad and sorta exciting. Exciting because well, as you know, it's almost Halloween, my anniversary plus fall is my absolute favorite season. As a bonus, a Halloween store is opening in my work building!!! Sad, well because I'm not ready to give up all the outside good times. My friends are going back to school and busy and it will snow in a few months. And snow in Chicago = major suckage.

But I will say, damn this was an excellent summer. Best in a long time mostly because I am surrounded by people I love.

Hmmmm, I've been realizing lately that this blog keeps me sane. It's so good to have somewhere to unload sometimes. So thanx for reading.


Tuesday Night Music Club

This is what happens when you watch "Overdrawn at the Memory Bank" from your new MST3K box set.

And this is what happens when you want to go to bed and wake up next week.

I wish it would rain, big warm bucket fulls. Sleepy, go night night.

If it smells like shit, it is shit.

Link courtesy of the Daily Dirt:

Watch this & let me know what you think.

My thought was: "Why the fuck didn't I think of that?" So much for my motto of "question everything." It's very interesting what we all let the machine feed us. I'm not saying this is the truth, but I think it needs investigated. Your comments?


A run-through of sorts

Man, everything was perfect. The actors were great, the make-up was pretty good (if I do say so myself) and I was totally prepared-storyboards, shot list, blood to squirt, everything. Except one thing....the footage was suppose to be of us driving down the street and well, having Rodney rock the van back and forth while we stay stationary to film doesn't make the scenery go by to show we're moving.

So I guess we gotta reshoot. And apparently, the footage I shot yesterday wasn't great either due to lighting. Fuck it...hopefully my 2 zombie all-stars will let me torture them another day.


Oh well. We do look tough, don't we? (Click to make bigger)

Check out the zombie album for more shots from tonight.

Oldies from Mrs. T

I added some pics my cousin sent me at work so I can save them at home tonight. They are pretty standard pics (even some from this weekend) but if you want to look at them....Go here and click "next" to view rest of pictures. It's your only shot at seeing what I looked like about 10 years ago I guess.

Anyways, yesterday was so freaking productive that I must share with you. I was freaking out a bit because I haven't filmed anything in almost 2 weeks...yikes. So Sunday I filmed one scene (thanks to help from Lance, theMan & Rodney), cleaned and organized our costume/prop room, finished the storyboards/shot script for the big scene tonight and organized all props & costumes for tonight and this week. I was on a freaking roll! Wooo hooo! Even managed to have a couple beers and watch some Mystery Science Theater 3000 box set.

Tonight is a little scary. I'm filming a big scene without Jen K. Thankfully theMan is doing the camera (and I trust him more than I do myself) and there is barely any dialogue...so we'll see! I just want this bastard done!!!

Oh, and I laid in bed last night realizing I still haven't sent out Thank-You notes to all the people that helped in C'ville. I'm so sorry! But fear not...I'm sending you a copy of the new trailer as soon as I can.

Well, not too exciting post but I'm happy and I wanted to share. Did I mention it's basically fall and Halloween is almost a month away!??!!?! How can I not be stoked!

What are you all being for Halloween this year?


Carlin is God

Yesterday was a blast! Even the traffic on the expressway was easy as pie. We got into town around 3:30, looked through a bunch of old pictures, had a couple glasses of champagne and chatted as we always do. Before Carlin, we got some incredible steak & shrimp at a Japanese steakhouse. So good, so so so good.

Then the main event: George Carlin!!! His opening act was pretty good, although I cannot remember his name. And when you are waiting to see George Carlin, well it was hard for me to care.

He comes out with this huge, long ass rant that pretty much sums up our culture. Then as a transition to his next piece of work, he belts out: "Why doesn't anybody ever talk about pussy farts in public?"

This guy made a rant on suicide freaking hilarious! I love him, I love him, I love him.

Today, it's movie time. Since Jen K. is super busy with a paying film gig, I've sorta taken on some of the filming by myself. I'm super nervous. I'll be honest, but we'll see how it goes.



It goes to 99

I forgot to mention that when I got the slutty shoes tonight we had a great conversation with the owner of 99th Floor. Turns out he loves "special music for special people" so of course I had to tell him about "How's Your News" and Jen K.'s site.

(If you're reading this Mr. 99th Floor Owner, drop me a line!)

Beads Big B-day Bash

As promised, now that I have sobered up fully... Open My Photo Album-Click next for the full pictorial experience.

For Rodney's b-day we got all spiffied up and took him to RAM in Schaumburg. It is a micro-brewery that currently holds the title in my book as having the best barbequed ribs I've ever had in my life. Peach bourbon barbeque goodness...my god.

Anyways...a few of us got severely lit and we ate lots of meat and enjoyed ourselves immensely. I must explain the b-day present however. You see, Rodney (a.k.a. Beads) is disgusted by belly buttons (even girls). He even sleeps with a blanket only covering that part of his body. He can't even stand it when one is shown on TV. So of course, we had to wrap his present in a collage of belly buttons!

He is also severely homophobic. He doesn't hate gay people, he just cannot stand to hear about dudes liking other dudes. So, we made him the gayest T-shirt we could think of. And no, it's backwards so when he wears it on his motorcycle the people can read it in their rear view mirrors. (Well, that and we fucked up when we printed it, but whatever.)

Ended up coming home around 1 a.m., drunk but giggly from the good times. Word on the street is that Rodney had one of the best times he's had since he's been in Chi-town. That's what really matters.

Here's a sampling of what is in the Photo Album.

Beads birthday blouse.

Jzn & Chadd sharing some Total Disorder Porter and a pirate's glare.

What happens when a horny girl who's had 3 martinis & beer gets ahold of the camera.

Now this last picture has nothing to do with last night, but I got some extremely slutty drag queen shoes for my Halloween costume, I had to share.

I'm going to be about 6' 3" in these things & covered in vinyl. Woo hooo!

Before I sign off, please do yourself a favor and go buy the new Faint album. It's phenomenol, well recorded and extra groovy. Plenty of analog sounds and of course typical Faint melodies.

Off to see Carlin tomorrow & I cannot freaking wait!! Not only that but I get to hang out with my cousin all night! YAY!

Okay, enough from me. Nighty-night.


Um...what? It's morning already? Shit, I just knocked over a beer bottle on the way to turn off the alarm.

Why are my underwear hanging off the lamp?

I gotta go to work.


Hip, Hip, Hooray!

Happy Birthday Rodney!

Tonight we will be whisking Birthday Boy away to an undisclosed location to fill him full of eats and drinks and birthday cheer. Hopefully lap dances, whiskey and Irish Drinking Songs will be somewhere in the mix as well.

As always, I will have pix of the debauchery tomorrow. Aye aye, matey.


Surprising hit

We watched Jersey Girl last night because we're big fans of Kevin Smith movies. I hadn't heard good things about it, but we wanted to check it out anyways. Some nights aren't good for dramatic documentaries and anxiety causing political investigations, okay?

Turns out it was really good. And surprisingly I felt a little twinge of "damn he's hot" when Ben Affleck appeared on screen. Normally I don't think so, but yea....I like nice big shoulders on a guy and he's built like a brick shithouse in this film. I imagine it was panned due to J. Lo being in it, but she's only in it like 10 minutes and actually....she's not bad or annoying.

George Carlin (who I get to see live in like 3 days!!!) was hilarious as always. Plus the extras on the DVD were entertaining. So if you want a light one to entertain you on a dark Tuesday evening, go get it.

Take this job and shove it up your ass, old man

Last night I got a SCREAMING lecture over the phone (speaker phone no less) about something absolutely stupid from my boss. I wrote a memo because we kept canceling a meeting I was trying to set up for him to discuss our company website. This pissed him off apparently. He was screeching that I'm just a secretary, I can't make meetings (um, he told me to), he knows I never tried to set up any meetings about the website (I have 3 memos proving I did) and he's fucking tired of this bullshit and that this isn't a democracy...etc. I literally put the phone down on my desk and listened for it to go quiet about 2-3 solid minutes later. He was screaming obsenities at me, which wouldn't bother me if I could scream them back.

So, I've had it. It's usually stupid when he yells anyways. The man has Alzheimer's and a major drinking problem, but this was the last fucking straw. I'm done.

So I wrote a letter to the Vice President (his wife) telling her I will not be overseeing the computers any longer because I cannot take the mental and physical frustration and stress. That I was hired to do Accounting and that's what I'm doing.

If this letter doesn't change anything, I'll tape a note on my computer that says: "Fuck you, I quit." and just walk out. 2 weeks notice is a courtesy. Just like treating people like they are human beings.


The Big Let-Down

I just almost passed out from excitement and openly wept at my cubicle in the same 5 minutes.

Sims 2 will be released!!! Yay!....but probably not for the Mac for another year.

I was going to post that you wouldn't be hearing from me for the next 8 weeks while I played Sims 2 like a junkie getting some smack after a stint in rehab, but I guess not.

Just to let you in on my addiction...when the original Sims came out I played it non-stop for almost 5 months. Then for x-mas, my husband bought me every single expansion pack which I still play. In fact, I recently purchased the latest one where you can cast spells, etc. I really just like building houses and creating stories for the characters. Hmmm...I guess I did get one trait from my bio-dad, besides blonde hair, since he's an architect.

One time theMan accidentally erased my towns I created and I thought we were going to have to have marriage counseling.

Sims 2 has better characters with tons of stuff to buy & build and the game play is so much different and better. I'd probably actually play the game like it was intended. Damn it. Damn it. Time to build me a PC. Ugh.

Train Terror!

Here are the pics from this morning's K-9 Terror Search on the train. Thank god for George "Dubya" Bush.

Feel the terror!!
I'm watching you!!
I'm watching you, too!!

Family pictures

I was on the phone with my cousin last night and we were looking through old pictures long distance. I happened upon this gem:

Check out my Grams with an afro. (She's the one in the middle with the yellow sleeveless dress.)

If only that could have been passed onto me! She's got great height on that thing!

(By the way, I'm the cute baby second from right being held by the lady in white.)


What's a couple ways to make yourself feel less stressed?

How about buy plane tickets for a weeks vacation in New Mexico? Make a list of things to do and actually mark some of them off? Pay bills online instead of writing 100 checks? And watching 2 documentaries on Sundance Channel Doc Day about Death Row and a town in Peru that was poisoned by Mercury?

That will put your problems in perspective in no time!

Looks like the CPD are checking all Brown & Purple line trains every morning this week with dogs to sniff for terrorists or bombs or something. So I'm late again today. theMan got a few pics of it which I will try to post tonight. Seems to me it's just a way to make people feel better since it's the week after 9/11 anniversary. I guess if something bad happens, the city can say, "Well we looked?!?!" It's funny though because the dogs do not look at all interested. The German Shepard the last 2 days has sorta been looking around at the people, not in the train doors like it's suppose to. Like he's waiting for one of them to give him a treat. I was soo tempted to call him over for a good scratch behind his ears & of course, to piss off the Rent-A-Cops.

Been enjoying the "Al Franken Show" on either IFC or Sundance, I can't remember. He does a dead-on Dick Cheney impression, that's for sure.

Well, just some general grumblings....thanks for reading.


A few for ya

Go check out some new pix....ARGH!

Bummer dude

I forgot to mention that Saturday we went to a CD release party for some shitty band. Here's a hint: If you are having a huge CD release party where you hope to have new people buy your CD, don't show up drunk and play like shit. It makes me NEVER want to hear you again.

It also makes the band before you seem even more kick ass....Sweet Cobra. Even the name rocks.

Anyways, yesterday's filming didn't turn out so hot. The scene I was suppose to film on my own didn't get started until late and then I couldn't get the lighting right, plus the actor had to leave. So no dice. Plus I fought with theMan all day, which is always shitty. Then our scene had to be cut short because we lost light and we didn't know our lines. So yea, now the panic is setting in. We have 10 more scenes to film, Jen K. is starting school in 2 weeks and got hired to do make-up and wardrobe on another independent film (they are paying her so that is definitely a big project!) and it's getting darker earlier. Fuck, fuck, fuck.

This will not be one more thing I don't finish, god damn it.

Not only that but my house is a wreck, I haven't been doing good at work at all (expecting a lecture any second), I have a ton of things to do with bills, plane tickets, etc. and I swear I think I've gained 5-10 lbs. in the past 5 months because nothing fits right anymore. Christ.

I'm a drama queen. I know this.

What up dogg?

We were just late about 30 minutes because the Chicago Police were using an indepent security firm to search every single "L" rail car with dogs. The train announcer didn't know why he just said they were checking every car that morning and sorry for the delay.

Oh, no problem. Mind if I move to Canada?


An angel gets her wings

How did we celebrate Patriot Day? Well, after wading through the 20,000 drunk yuppies at the German American festival, we just returned from a kick ass late night joint for food: Celtic Pub on Western. Holy shit! I got 1 lb. of hot wings and a salad for $7.00. They were good too. If only I could get a job where I go around the city, hell the country, and find the best wings. I'd sign up in a heartbeat.

We stopped by a Halloween superstore today too. With the movie I haven't given much thought to my costume. Today I decided to just be a zombie girl in all vinyl. For two reasons: 1.) I want this vinyl skirt and shoes from this shop on Halsted & where else would I wear it but Halloween and 2.) I can do zombie make-up for crying out loud.

So screw it. I'll probably end up looking like a goth chick but do goth chicks have oozing bleeding wounds? Not including their pa-chinas of course.

Tomorrow we're suppose to film a few scenes. I have to do one by myself without Jen K.'s direction. Yeep. Wish me luck.

I made a trailer today for my mom to see with a few minutes of clips all cut up but ended up showing a bunch of friends. They all loved it so that gives me even more confidence that this sucker will be watchable. 10 more scenes....come on! Then months of editing. I'm going to be very pale from lack of sunlight.

Nighty-night tootsies.


Hail damage butt

Last night I watched a movie I used to love when I was younger: Elvira, Mistress of the Dark. A classic and great campy fun, but the real thing that surprised me was reading her bio in the special features section.

Turns out she was burned head to toe, even her eyes were fused shut, when she was little because she dumped a pot of boiling water on her head on accident. It takes 2 hours to cover her body with costume and make-up for her role as Elvira. The cool part is that now she loves her scars and wears low-cut dresses to show them off.

The second thing that grabbed me was her love of her gi-normous tits. She said she got them like overnight and flaunted them ever since. She loved them and used them to flirt, etc. almost like a hobby. They made her feel like a sex goddess.

That made me sorta sad. You see, I used to have HUGE knockers, probably size E or above (who knows, they don't make bras that big easily accessible to 15 year olds) but I got them whacked off my senior year of high school with some extremely painful plastic surgery. I never liked mine, ever. I never felt like a sex goddess, just fat, fat, fat. I felt like I stuck out and tried to hide them every chance I got.

However, knowing what I know now and being way more confident with my sexuality, I miss those big ol' suckers every once in awhile. Doesn't it suck that you can't see the good in your qualities, even when someone else points them out?

I think back now and I was pretty hot during those times I felt like a lard ass. I mean, I filled out immediately in middle school. Some people wait until they're 25 to look like a "woman" and I did when I was 13: hips, ass, boobs and all. The boys I'd make out with went right for those gazungas every chance they got, hell I even had a boyfriend that photographed them once (of course my face was hidden in the picture). So someone was appreciating them I guess. But all I saw was that I didn't look like my 110 lb. sister and I couldn't wear pretty bras.

People say if they had life to do over they wouldn't. I would, some parts, in an instant.

Don't get me wrong, I love being able to wear a Medium shirt and see my belly button. Maybe it's that I don't necessarily miss having them but I miss feeling okay about them, I miss that I didn't enjoy them.

This past year I've really been thinking about all the times I've felt bad about myself. Which for me, has been the majority of my life. Why? You only get one body, right? One brain. Why can't we love it? At least embrace it. Low self esteem puts you in some really shitty situations: Bad relationships, bad jobs, bad friendships, none of it good.

I've also been picking up on how people in my life make me feel bad about who I am. That's been eye-opening to say the least. Sometimes I say something, most times I don't. I'm still trying to figure out how to handle that one.

I have friends who I think are gorgeous but they don't see it. I have one pal who has one of the sexiest figures I've seen, plus she models, but still thinks she's fat and puts herself through hell trying to "correct" it. I have another who has the best ass I've seen on a woman and she loathes it. I'm sure they'd say the same thing about me and one of my qualities and of course, I wouldn't believe it either.

I could go into society, blah blah blah, but really this post is just a rant. I've been thinking about it lately, so why not just write it down and share it with you people. Whether it makes sense or not. Does this self relization normally happen to people in their 20's or am I just finally getting comfy in my own skin?

I was thinking about it on the train this morning, your 20's are a fucked up time.

Bush rant, beware

I just overhead that Cheney has suggested or outright said (however, I can't find the quote) that if Kerry is elected we can expect another "September 11th".

Hello? Who's watch did it happen on the first time?

All I know is that I don't trust Bush and I don't trust Kerry, but if Bush is re-elected I fear he is going to go balls out fucking ballistic. The switch will be flipped in that pointy little head of his and we're all fucked.

He will not have to worry about re-election anymore so why not? He won't be impeached because he obviously hasn't been yet for crimes he's committed. Hell, let's go nuts. Reinstate the draft (which is currently going through Congress-look it up), increase military overseas, take away our freedoms by adding more survellience (you don't think so? Read this.), and go ahead and forget about the environment, education funding and reproductive rights.

Hell, I'm expecting another replay of the Spanish Inquisition. You aren't a Christian/Patriotic? We'll fucking hang ya. Personally being patriotic and Christian in this country are getting a little too close in definition in some people's heads. If I hear the president say one more time "God Bless America", I'll barf. Listen, our parents just happened to fuck here, Americans. For which I am thankful because it's not somewhere I'd have to wear a burqa. But basically that's why I'm American, my parents had sex in Indiana, not Iraq. I should have no more rights/priviledges than anyone else on the planet, however the people that run the world feel differently. We're all human, but not alot of people remember that.

This war bullshit reminds me too much of cliques in high school. And Bush reminds me of the rich football playing asshole that drove a convertible to school, passed classes because he was rich, not because he was smart and picked on anyone not popular so he could keep his other monogoloid football buddies entertained.

You don't think that happens? In my high school I graduated with a guy that played football, was in Pride (Drug-free club), passed enough of his classes to get to Purdue before he shot someone and himself over cocaine during his first semester as a freshman. You think he picked up that habit during the summer before college? But don't get me started on public education.

Have we found weapons of mass destruction? Why such a rush to get in there, there obviously was not an immenient threat if it's been 2 years since the war started and we still haven't found them? Have we found any ties in Iraq with Al-Queda? This one I'm not sure honestly, but you'd think you'd hear about it if we did. What is the only country that has used nuclear weapons (or WMD's)? Hmmm, us? Oh...I see.

Don't mess with Texas. Blah.


End of an era

I forgot to mention we did have one casualty this weekend during the filming. I lost my wedding ring. I asked someone to set it in the toolbox while I was getting all latexed and now it's gone. It must have fallen out. I've sent out a few frantic emails so we'll see. I think it's long gone though.

I realize most people would be freaking out, and I guess I am. I'm mostly sad for sentimental reasons. I didn't love the design or anything, and it wasn't super expensive, I just love what it stood for. That and the fact that our family and friends all bought it for us and surprised us at the alter with it. I didn't have to break the news to theMan so much since he lost his a long time ago. So he really couldn't be mad at me. Still it makes me sad to look at my empty finger.

This year has seen some major changes in our relationship so maybe it's time for new ones anyways. A fresh start in our life and on our fingers.


It's cold outside which means it's basically fall which means it's almost Halloween which means there is Pumpkin Ale available in your local liquor store which means....

I'm a happy Kitten.

Teeth in my cornflakes

Just returned from the dentist. I would complain about the fact that I have to get drilled next week to replace a lost filling and fill another cavity. The fact that I just bought us a $125.00 toothbrush that is suppose to do everything but clean my toilet. Or the fact that the dental hygenist found the lost filling by sticking her sharp pokey thing in the hole in my tooth cuasing me to jump out of the chair (literally). Or even that the only way to fix my stained front teeth is by veneers (about $1000 worth) or seeing if grinding would work, which he doubts. But I won't. Because none of that compares to the amount of work my poor baby has to endure.

To start things off: An orthodontist appointment to see what can or should be pulled, an oral surgeon appointment for his wisdom teeth extraction (god, that's a scary word), a 1 1/2 hour gum scaling appointment, root canal (unless it's the tooth pulled by the Ortho), fillings and eventually braces. They said it could have been alot worse but are confident when it's over he's going to look and feel like a million bucks.

Right now he feels like cat poop. I think he's secretly anxious too though. Poor guy never smiles.

Anyways, on our way back from the dentist we went into Virgin Megastore to pick up a copy of "Waking Life" (since Best Buy no longer carries it, however they have 10 copies of an Anna Nicole Smith B-movie). At the counter, like all stores lately, they ask you for your phone number and/or zip code. Which immediately pisses me off to no end.

Here's a hint people: DO NOT GIVE PEOPLE AT STORES YOUR PERSONAL INFORMATION! And don't tell me it's because you are paying with a credit card. Before demographic collecting, they never needed that information before. I always say "Nope, sorry." You should too. It's amazing to me how many people just automatically rattle off their information to strangers just because they are asked. You want junk mail? Telemarketing calls? Go nuts.

Me? No thanks. And there is my rant for today. Oh, and no...I didn't forget about the Republican National Convention last week just because I was busy with zombies. I have MUCH to say on that topic at a later date. :)


Big bunch of bunny butts

Some pix from our trip, as promised:

Zombie Album updated (Click next to see other pictures!)

Matt's pix are here with commentary.


Shoot Recap (LONG ENTRY)

Sunday: We loaded up the cars and headed to the location where we dropped off Ash and went to my dad’s to check out the props he built us. After that we cruised back to the Curran’s parent’s house for the best coneys I have ever had in my ENTIRE LIFE. Rodney is diligently working on getting the recipe for me. Holy cripes. Rodney’s mom’s coney sauce is legendary and it lived up to it. TRUST ME.

After stuffing ourselves silly we went to the “Military Compound” to set up props, hang tarp and unload costumes. We ended the evening by staying up until 3 a.m. talking about politics. I have no idea why since we had to get up at 7:30 a.m., but I think it was mostly to calm our nerves. Jen & I were a little anxious, to say the least.

Monday: Awoke squinty eyed and amped at 7:30 a.m. after about 3-4 hours of sleep to head out to get pick up groceries to feed the zombies. Kroger didn’t have brains so we settled on donuts and chips. Once at the “Military Compound” we finished some last minute things and then the zombies arrived promptly at 10:00 a.m! Make-up assembly lines started and lasted until about 11:30 a.m. This was pretty interesting...we had about 20-25 people there that had to have full make-up as well as black latex applied to their arms and hands and bleeding wounds. Everyone jumped right in and helped, but it was a little surreal painting people I had only recently met.

The guys finished some last minute prop set-ups and we were ready to film. Some of the actors had brought their kids along so during make-up and costuming, you could hear the kids running around pretending to be zombies, moaning and such. It was really really cute. We even recruited 2 of the kids to be in the movie. These parents were soooo cool, I can’t tell ya.

It was about 110 degrees in there but the zombies didn’t complain too much when we put them in heavy grease make-up, thick clothes and made them lay under thick blankets for at least 20 minutes while we shot. (Sorry guys)

Jen K. had storyboarded the scenes we were shooting and I must say, it helped!! We breezed right through the scene with minimal retakes and ended only 5 minutes behind schedule. When we originally planned the scene we hadn’t taken into account the corn being up. Turns out having about 20 zombies go through the corn aimlessly is really really creepy. Yay corn!

After we finished this scene, the pizza arrived and that’s when the fatigue set in for me. I couldn’t really eat and I was very anxious about the upcoming wedding scene. Come to find out Jen K. was feeling the exact same way. So we rushed through pizza, changed costumes (quite a funny scene when a bunch of people were getting dressed in the bathroom together) and did more make-up.

I was in this scene so I had Jen K. applying my make-up, while Ash lotioned and latexed me. The chick on the latex bottle is trying to be all sexy but let me tell you...that stuff smells like shit and the minute it’s on you, you desperately want it off NOW. Not to mention it was the hottest day of the damn summer.

We all loaded up the cars and headed to the cemetery. The cemetery caretaker guy my dad hooked us up with was a real character. When we pulled up he was all excited! This cemetery was off a dirt road and through some cornfields, if that tells you anything. Most of the graves were from the Revolutionary War era. When we pulled up there was some fresh dirt by a grave and the caretaker said, “Damn, Morgan got out again!” Yea, a character, but super freaking cool. At the end of the filming I was thanking him when I noticed blood running down his chin. He sheepishly smiled and said, “I had to try the fake blood. Sorry.” Give you a good picture?

Again the storyboards proved a lifesaver. We breezed through this scene (which was a HUGE one - 34 takes) in a couple hours. It rained when we first arrived...a really strange rain. Warm and it sorta felt like it was only on us. I don’t know how to explain it. theMan thinks it was the spirits testing us out to see if we’d leave. Thankfully they didn’t test us too long because we were losing daylight. Everything worked really well, no major malfunctions with the flesh eating or fake blood except one shot where blood was suppose to squirt up. The shot wasn’t ruined though, it just looks like a long shot.

I think everyone had a great time. I know we were laughing our ass off through most of it. After it was over we all headed back, cleaned up and some of us went back to Chi-town. My body completely shut down and I slept for like 12-15 hours. Sleep of the dead, but damn I felt great. Everything went perfect and the footage is exceptional for as much time as we had.

I couldn’t be happier. Now, don't forget. If you have pix of the shoot, please forward to me. I am sad because I got so few. I'll post what I do have tonight.

Only 10 more scenes to do in 2 weeks! Renegade film-making at it's best!

A request

If anyone took digital pics at the zombie shoot on Monday and would like to send them to me, please e-mail to:


I barely got any pictures that day and would love to add more to the zombie album. Thanx so much!

Bowled over by your kindness

Sorry for the tardy post, however my body completely shut down as of 12:00 am on Monday night and I pretty much slept up until this morning. Give or take a few hours for a couple cold ones.

I'll post a recap of the events that took place during the shoot in a few hours (once I get caught up at work). But first things first, I gotta give thanks to my friends and family and a few specifically. Because like I said before, we could NEVER have pulled this off without them.

I was completely blown away by the amount of support, love and excitement you all showed. Jen K. & I both are forever in your gratitude. And now, in no particular order BIG THANX TO:

-The Eastons: My god, how do I start to thank you guys? They brought like 12-15 people with them to be zombies. Most of which were people I didn't even know. But the people they brought jumped right in and worked their ass off. We seriously would not have been able to shoot without their help.

-Jen's mom, Kathy: This woman is the rockin'est mom I've met. She pulled together most of her family to make the other half of the zombies we needed, she bought a TON of supplies, she let us use her house as a hotel, she came in the middle of the night to help us set up the set (all of this done in high heels), and ended up being one of the best actors at the shoot. I cannot wait to show her the footage of her attacking Rodney at the cemetary.

-My dad, Jim: Dad seriously saved our ass. Not only did he construct the alter/bondage equipment for the cemetary scene, but he got us permission to use an actual cemetary from the 1800's for the shoot. He also stole the show when he pulled out his Clint Eastwood performance as a military guard. Dad, you fucking rule.

-The Alfrey's: Teddy let us destroy his Skate Corral so we could film a HUGE scene. A scene which we could not have pulled off anywhere else. He pretty much gave us free reign over his entire business. Aeron not only let me cover him in grease paint and eat salty flesh off of Rodney, but painted 2 huge set pieces that really made the scene. And lastly Ash, who throughout this whole film has let us experiment on him with make-up, dress him in clothes that roast him and then cleaned up our huge mess after the shoot. He's been up for anything and god damn, that's been helpful. Alfrey's: We salute you!

-Lance, Chadd & Rodney: What can I say, you guys kicked ass and took names that day. We left big projects up to you guys and you came through as always. Gracias, mi amigas.

-Matt Jent: Rode with us to our shitty little hometown, sweat his ass off helping us build the set, even filled in as sound man when necessary. And our only form of payment was introducing him to Diet Coke Fiend. For this, you are the coolest, dude.

-And finally, our friends & family: Man, everyone from Joe & Jen to Erica & Eric, you guys were fabulous. No pay, junk food and being covered in latex but you still showed up and rocked out. We can never ever ever thank you guys enough. Hope you had a blast and expect copies of the movie as soon as we get it!

If I have forgotten anyone it's only because I'm sleepy. Please forgive.

Anyone need a kidney, because I owe you people!



Just got back and I have 2 feelings: Deliriously happy, deliriously exhausted.

Our family and friends came through for us BIG TIME. More tomorrow. Nighty-night.


Here we come

We're getting ready to leave for the big zombie shoot! Cars are all packed and check-lists have been gone over thoroughly. Egads, we might just pull this off.

My dad scored us a graveyard at the last minute that the property owner is cool with, so no potential tresspassing fines for us! Wooo hooo!

Last night we worked out the squirting wounds and bleeding inards for the wedding scene. I'm pretty sure anyone who looks in that alley is going to think some major shit went down.

Anyways, we're taking off. Be there or be square!


New Zombie Pix!

Entirely too many pictures of me uploaded in the Zombie Album for your viewing pleasure.

I was the make-up test subject last night for the lesson. Let me know what you think!

Birthdays & Zombies

First things first: Happy Birthday Matt!! (Yesterday) Sure miss you guys!

Aw, sweet life giving caffiene in it's purest form. Has anyone tried a Dunkin' Donuts "Dunkacino"? My god I'm going to have to change my pants.

Late night last night but we got 'er done. We've got all the stuff packed (except what we still need to buy), got our make-up and special effects props in order and organized, tried out some spurting blood techniques and taught our "skilled make-up unit" how to apply the zombie make-up and wounds. Awwww.

Now we just gotta show up, kick ass and take names. I'll post pics later of the final make-up for those showing up this weekend to be zombies. It's painless and takes only 10 minutes. Plus it comes off with simple cold cream, which we'll provide. But the best part? It looks real!! I couldn't believe it. Jen K. is seriously, I can't say it enough, a talented chica with a make-up brush. We finally perfected the look we've been trying to go for. No more Simpson zombies for us girls.

I just want this day to be over at work so I can get to finalizing some stuff. This job thing is just an 8 hour distraction from my real life.

I feel I must say one thing before I go. I've been really, what's the word?, touched by everyone's support, input and excitement over this project. This film is really really really really important to me and Jen K. and well, thanks. Sometimes it's crazy because we've got so much on our minds, or so much to do and I know I can be bossy or unappreciative. And not to sound like I'm giving my acceptance speech at the Oscars, but we couldn't pull this thing off without your help. You guys make me feel warm and fuzzy. I can't say enough how fucking cool our friends are. You guys rock. See you Monday.


I'm going to hell.

Guess who I get to go see in 2 weeks!?!?!?!

George Carlin!!!!!

Thank god, I thought I'd miss him. However, it's the weekend I'm suppose to see my sister in Godville. Eek.


Little homesick

How can you miss a kid who isn't even yours?

But I do, I do so much.

So I'm going back home to film this weekend and it's got me a little homesick. The cure for that, look through old pics. So as I'm searching through my pooter tonight, I got all nostalgic. I thought I'd post some for your viewing pleasure, because let's be honest, a blog is better when it isn't just words. And I've posted ALOT of words today. I think I'm up to 4 posts today alone.

Here goes:

A-knee-tah Skeeter, whom I will be placing my hands on her big ol' belly this weekend.

Nigel & daddy...aw, both of which I will be forced to squeeze uncontrollably.

theMan & Beads, ain't they cute?

I just posted this one because I love that wig.
My mom cutting a rug. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree?

My little bro, Chip, defying gravity.


The Meaning of My Name

The name of (insert my real name) creates a very quiet, practical nature and a clever and inventive mind. Being analytical and naturally studious, you are interested in a factual understanding of the mysteries of life. Your methodical nature requires that you like to finish what you start without interruptions and also to have everything in its place and properly organized.

An ability to concentrate could take you into computer programming or accountancy or any work requiring concentration and attention to detail. You have, also, a flair for creative expression with your hands. You take life seriously and can be easily and deeply hurt and go into moods which can be quite extreme at times, causing much turmoil and unhappiness.

Yea, probably so.

Fucking rain

Did I say earlier that I liked rain?

Well, not on the day we're suppose to shoot 2 enormous scenes on a location 150 miles away from home on the only day we can.


Matt puts it in words I didn't previously have

I recently met Matt in living form and was pleasantly entertained. Not only is he a witty muthafucka, but I thoroughly enjoy his writing. Maybe you will too? I included a bit from his blog that got me thinking fuzzy thoughts. Check him out.

From Matt's blog (8/29/04 post) & read the "GREAT BIG IF (8/27/04 post)" while you're there too:

"Jake Barnes, he of the Great War and America and of an unspoken war wound, is in love with Lady Brett Ashley. Lady Brett is in love with Jake, but Jake's wound keeps them apart. Meanwhile, she sleeps with almost everyone else in the book who expresses an interest. I'm a sucker for love stories that end badly, and this seemed to be the kind. But Brett isn't in the book all that much, at least compared to the effect of her. All the men are caught up in her, and I was caught up in her too. I thought of girls like her, and I understand when Jake says, "To hell with Brett," and all the same runs to help when he receives a telegram from her. I know what he means, and I understand how he got that way and why he stays that why, and I can't decide if he's better off. If he didn't have that wound, if he and Brett had slept together when they met in England during the war, he would be just another man she met and loved and left. But because they can't, Jake is the one she talks to and walks with and kisses in cabs.

Annie said it stabs you in the guts, but I think it's more of a light touch of someone's fingers on your elbow in a movie theater. You know it's bad news, but you can't help but want it, and more.

"Oh, Jake" Brett said, "we could have had such a damned good time together."

"Yes," I said. "Isn't it pretty to think so?"

Damn you Grant Morrison

I finished reading the The Invisibles last night about 1:00 a.m. Any of you read this epic series? My goodness. I can admit when I don't understand something, for instance "The Matrix" or "Donnie Darko". I don't get it totally okay? And I've watched them both about 20 times. And well, I can't totally wrap my head around this story either. There I said it. However, that doesn't mean they aren't all breathtakingly well-written. (Speaking of "The Matrix," I think those Wachowski brothers have some explaining to do to Mr. Morrison.)

Anyways, this comic series threw together conspiracy theories, tantric or occult teachings, and even name dropped some of my favorite authors almost within the first 2 books. I sit here now without words to explain or summarize this comic in a way that is half as eloquent as it was originally written. I just know as I read it I couldn't put it down and I cannot wait to start over on the series and read it again.

My favorite comic series of all time is the Sandman series, followed by Hellblazer and the Preacher comix...however, The Invisibles has now moved into the NO. 2 spot. For something to be almost as good as "The Sandman" series in my world is like winning the Pulitzer. Well done Mr. Morrison, you sexy son of a bitch.