This explains so much

I went to my general doctor today as a follow up appointment to my PPD appointment 3 weeks ago. I was telling him that being mentally clear has helped me to deal with the grieving I had to do over my labor and delivery. The emergency c-section, inducing, horrible recovery, etc. After telling my story he looked at me very sternly and confirmed that I was under-medicated for my c-section. I should have never been able to move in bed or get on all fours’s (they had me do this right before my c-section to get A. off her cord). I shouldn't have been able to move my legs immediately after surgery in the recovery room, or writhe in pain, etc.

So basically, I used the Bradley Method to get through a c-section.

I’m not going to lie, I feel pretty bad ass and MY GOD so much more hopeful for kid no. 2. I was terrified of having another c-section or going through labor only to have an emergency one, just for the recovery period alone. I thought I was crazy when I'd hear other ladies talk about their c-section births and it not be a big deal.

It was a big god damn deal, apparently.

I know this is horrible, but I cannot tell you how much peace this brings me. I thought my body failed me, that I did something wrong. No, no apparently I’m f-ing Clint Eastwood of the Maternity Ward. Just give me a leather strap and a bottle of whiskey.

I can do anything and now, especially, I can move on.