As you can see

My new site design is up. What do you think?

Mucho props to Joelle and her bad ass vision and design. All I gave her was a couple movie posters I cherished and she went way beyond what I could have thought up.

Let's give a big internet hi-5 to Ms. Joelle for making me a very cool blogger.

Memorial Memories

Dang, that was a long awaited, long needed, long weekend.

Saturday we went back to our home town to see my little cousin get her diploma. I even teared up, I am just so proud of her. She's a beautiful person and THANK GOD she made it out of high school. As a bonus I got my birthday present 2 months early complete with 8 mini bottles of champagne from the T's. Which I might add, came in handy when I got home, put on my PJ's and had a Fourth Season Sex and the City marathon which only ended at 3:30 a.m. when I got the call that my gorgeous girlfriend welcomed her little girl, Ava, into the world.

(Samara, she's deliciously adorable and what a great name!)

On our way back from the beach yesterday we found a wallet. So I left the lady a note on her door and she ended up giving me 2 free tickets to her play as a finder's fee.

It's weekends like those that make working in the basement today easier to deal with.



My pal Samara is now on her way to the hospital because her baby is on its way out!! Good luck Samara, call when you can! Oh man, I can't wait for July so I can see them all. Jen, please give me an update when you can!

P.S. I saw Joelle's design for my website today. It's amazing, if you can swing it, have your site done up by Moxie!


Polar Bear

This is one of my favorite times of year here in Chicago. Sure it's Memorial Day weekend and all, but the best part? It's the Men's Leather Conference all weekend. This includes thousands of men walking around in leather, head to toe or just some restraints or collars. ALL OVER CHICAGO, when kids and parents are probably here vacationing.

If you listen closely you can hear the "whack, whack" of the paddle hitting many a naughty behind over at the Hyatt Regency as I type.

Thank you Constitution.



I have confirmation that Jen K. just spent 4 days with John Waters: toured his house which includes an attric recreated to look like the Unabomber's shack when it was raided (complete with police tape) and fake dogs sitting by the fire. Also confirmed that she took a shit in John Waters toilet and had the pictures to prove it.

Damn. Oh, you know I will be updating as soon as she sends me a pic! (Well, maybe not of her taking a shit, but you know what I mean.)

Bean Sprouts

My bud Samara is about to pop any freaking day now with her first born. In fact, she's hopefully at the doctor's office as I type pleading her case for anything, ANYTHING, they can do to get the little sucker out of there. Hopefully she wins too because I can't wait to meet the little guy/girl and I know Samara is WAAAAYYY past being patient for Bean to get here and start it's little life. Not to mention she's so uncomfortable and there just isn't anything left in the house that needs vacuumming.

Samara, hang in there toots. You're going to be great, better than great, I just know it.

And to Bean: Swim towards the light already, ya little cutie!



I've got a weird problem, one that I have been putting off telling anyone in the medical field about because, well, it just seems so odd. And after going to the OB/GYN last year to have a lost tampon fished out of my love cave, I'm not in too much of a hurry to call them again. But hey, why not tell you all, right?

My right nipple, or her formal name Ms. Nippleton von Pinkenstein, HURTS and lately she's very perky. My husband thinks it's because he's all muscular now and Ms. Pinkenstein is all excited, but I'm guessing not. She's never had a mind of her own before so why start now. Especially since my breast reduction surgery took a lot of their sensitivity away. And what about her sister, Ms. Erasertop of the Aerola Order? She just lays there until we bother her enough to come out of hibernation. So I walk around looking like a perdittle but no one can touch it or I will punch them in the jaw.

Unfortunately googling is not helping me and neither is WebMD. I don't know what to do short of band-aiding a cotton ball on it and steering clear of a cold breeze or porn. Is this normal?


Last night was my kick-off to my hiatus from filming for awhile. It was wonderful. I spent it riding my bike home in what felt like a hurricane, flipping through cookbooks at the coffee shop, running a few errands and finishing my first viewing of Easy Rider. (My goodness, Peter Fonda is sexy. Could it just be the chopper?)

Then I went to bed and dreamt I was Brad Pitt's new love interest and we were holed up in his house hiding from papparazzi. Really, I'm not kidding. What am I? 13?

So in honor of my very nice dream and my addiction to all things celebrity....here are some completely useless links that serve no greater good for humankind than killing a few hours at work reading about other people and being totally and completely snarky.


Page 666
Pink is the new blog
Just Jared
Dana's Dirt
Celebrity Smack
Go Fug Yourself

P.S. Oh and go figure my blog title yesterday would hold the answer to a Green Tea I actually like. The Republic of Tea, Daily/People's Tea is so far my fav. But thanx to all those who suggested others, I'm going to check them out too.


The Republic of Tea

Okay, so I've hit a plateau in my weight loss (actually think it's less of a plateau and more like I've been too busy to keep up with my weight lifting and don't get me started on the food offered on sets....cookies and chips sound healthy to you?). I've lost more weight than I have in years, but I have, at the very least, 20 more lbs. to go. So I've been scouring the web and theMan's Men's Health magazine and all over I've read nothing but great things about Green Tea and how it kick starts your metabolism as well as fighting cancer, etc. Of course, I'm not an idiot. I'm still weight lifting, eating right, etc. but anything extra helps right?

Now, I'm a black tea girl, L-O-V-E black tea. Have at least a cup every single day. In fact, I leave my tea bag in the entire time I'm drinking it so I absorb every single leaf of flavor. I used to even suck the water out of it when I finished the cup. Thankfully, I stopped doing that when I began to leave the cave and drink tea in public. Basically, I like it to be the color of molasses and taste just as thick. But I'm currently staring at a cup of what looks like chicken broth but nope, it's green tea and ugh, it tastes like sticks.

So my quest for anyone listening is, do you have a flavor of green tea you love that is also strong? Here's the exceptions: I do not like lemon or berry flavored anything. Please help!

Free and clear

Wow, that was an exhausting week/weekend. All week, almost every night, we worked until after 11:00 p.m. on production for this film. We set up flats, painted scenes, constructed props, make cat fur explode out of a box. You name it. But my god, the finished product will be worth every hour of missed sleep and filthy body parts.

Andy rented a warehouse for $750 for the week and we used almost every square inch. However, it was the filthiest set I've worked on to date. You couldn't touch anything without being black afterwards. But overall I'm extremely proud of the finished film and all my work on set, but again as the cliched awards speech goes, I couldn't have done it without a ton of help from the crew, and of course Jen K.'s incredible Production Design.

It's quite amazing to see everyone pitch in and come together on these sets.

Anyways, I've uploaded a yit-load of pics I took from filming this weekend. Check them out in my Set Design album. (I'm adding comments to each as I go, so refresh if you want the full story.)

Sadly, but refreshingly, this is my last film for awhile. I've got a project in the works but I imagine it won't start until later in the month of June. I'm glad for the break though. I was getting burnt out and could feel myself being crabby during filming this weekend, when normally I'm all giddy. So tonight to celebrate I'm grilling out and watching a movie.

Hope you all are well.



Apparently the make-up artist for the shoot I'm on did the make-up and costumes for the movie Party Monster.

And my god....the make-up..... No really. Go ahead, it's amazing.

It's 8:00 a.m. and I got home at 3:00 a.m. so why am I up? Because the new neighbors have a dog, that barks ALL GOD DAMN MORNING. Anyone care for dog stew?



It's not often that your morning commute involves a very pissed off goose. If only I got a picture of it. Dang.


My pal Jen K. has her gig of a lifetime this weekend! She gets to be second camera operator on a documentary and the documentary is interviewing JOHN WATERS! John Waters just happens to be one of Jen's favorite all-time directors. Wow.

They leave for Baltimore this weekend for 3 days of filming. The documentary is about George Romero, which we met awhile back at a view and chat, but her leg of the documentary is talking with The King of Trash himself. I'm just so proud of her.

In turn, I'm subbing for her on Production Design work on a huge project this week and weekend. I've been there almost every night until 11:00 or later. I've put a few pics up in the Set Design album, but expect more on Monday. The artist JoJo (I think this is his site) will be doing the make-up so I'm expecting it to be crazy good.

Anyhoo, stop on over to Jen K.'s site and wish her well.


Herr Doc-toor

I don't think I'm going to go much more into detail concerning my therapy sessions on here anymore. I have been going every 2 weeks now. I'm almost ready to take it to once a month or every 3 weeks, but not quite. I'm doing well, making progress, having more confidence and control and learning how to deal with experiences and people in my life. This is the best money I have ever spent on myself, ever.

I wouldn't hestitate for a second in encouraging anyone to go just to get things off your chest with someone that will not judge you or form opinions based on their relationship with the people you discuss. It is literally the best thing I have ever done for myself and that is a strong statement.

My doctor is great, but you know that I already want to have her children. Today we talked over the time limit, almost 20 min. and it was me that finally wrapped it up. I got lucky, I won the therapist/doctor jackpot on my first try. Thankfully too because I imagine the wrong one or one that pushed a bunch of drugs on me, and I would have been turned off the whole process.

I can discuss blow jobs and say "fuck" at will with this lady and she doesn't bat an eye. She's got the "non-judgemental" body language down to an art form.

I did learn one piece of advice from her today that I will pass on. (Maybe that's what I'll do, just pass on tidbits instead of lengthy transcripts of the session). She said that when you feel a certain way you should tell people in the form of an "I" statement. If you say, "I am feeling very discouraged by this argument." The other person can't argue with you on how you feel, they can't say, "No you don't feel like that!" So that gives you some power and umph behind your emotions and you will take care of yourself easier with this thought process. I liked that piece of advice, then no one can make you feel like what you feel is wrong, basically.

Anyways, I'll get off the soapbox. Thanx for listening though. I've had some great discussions from people that have read my therapy recounts and wanted to apply some things, etc. If you want to email me in the future, I love discussing this.

So yea, thanks.


That guy can dance

My god, Mars Volta has some serious dancers. It was almost mezmerizing keeping up with them. Good stuff, I can't review things, I'm not that eloquent at it, so just get the CD for pete's sake.

We ended up going to the concert, getting tea with friends and watching the rest of Carnivale last night until 1:00 a.m.

Have I mentioned how much Carnivale kicks ass? Because I don't stay up until 1:00 a.m. after an action packed night for much. It's that good.

Anyhoo, my psychotic co-worker is currently slamming stuff around and dragging her cloven hooves everywhere breaking my concentration. So I'm going to sign off after this quick check-in. TGIW.


The MV in the hizzy

We're going to see Mars Volta tonight, so in their honor I've got "Frances the Mute" on repeat for most of the day. One of those great albums you can just leave on, every song is a compliment to the next.

Lyrics from "The Widow":
He's got fasting black lungs
Made of clove splintered shards
They're the kind that will talk
Through a weezing of coughs

And I hear him every night
In every pore
And every time he just makes me warm

Freeze without an answer
Free from all the shame
Must I hide?
Cause I'll never
Never sleep alone

Yum. This is an album I sent to my dad, my music loving, record collecting dad, with only the suggestion on the cover that he get a rose colored wine, a porch seat and an incoming storm to go along with this CD. It's that good.

For family

For my family, I've added pics from our big hoo-ra this weekend in Yahoo! photos. It was my cousin's & his fiancee's bridal shower which turned into a big family cook-out and Euchre tournament.

Feel free to browse and get to know my family. They are crazy, but they sure love to play cards and have a laugh.


As promised, I'd like to introduce you to my mother's dog, Kitty!

He's so large, but so cute.


Oy Vey

I'm so sorry I've not posted, because I have a ton of things to say. (Hard to believe, I know.) For instance, one of my girlfriends is about to give birth, I got to go home this weekend for a family visit and got pictures of the biggest dog on the planet, I got juicy gossip about a film I'm going to quit, our new obsession (we went to the video store 3 times yesterday to keep getting more discs) with the series "Carnivale" and my on-going groin ache for Ben Hawkins, and my god, what are my thoughts on Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes dating??? (Kidding)

All of these and more will be expounded upon a little later this afternoon. God willing, I will include pictures for you too.

P.S. A girl on the train this morning took a sneaky camera phone picture of me. I have no idea why.


I love irony

Not to take away from my grandmother's glory with a post on, well um...anal rape..but go read this. You know how when someone is too far to the right or left, things get weird? They also get ironic and make me fall off my chair with a gut laugh.

Also, I got the above link from GetupGrrl, and she's called to our attention another mindless backwoods, Middle Ages bill trying to be passed in Kentucky. Let's get to emailing.


Thankfully my little Grandma H. has email because it's allowed us to keep in contact the past couple of years since I've moved 150 miles to the northwest. I cherish these emails, in fact, secretly I have saved most of them. Even the little ones that just ask "How are you?" I do this because I can't fathom a time in my life where I won't be able to hear her voice or see her smile or hear her laugh or receive her lovely, well written emails and cards. And I do mean well written, my Grams is an eloquent writer. So I'm sentimental, but whatever works.

This past mother's day got me thinking...it's not always just about your mother. I was raised by a large group of grandmothers as well as my mother. I firmly believe this made me more well rounded. It breaks my heart to know if I don't get on the ball, my kids are going to not have a lot of grandmothers or great grandmothers to surround them. I wonder how my kids will be different than me if they don't have the experience of running around on a farm, helping my grandma cook, making a fort out of her sewing room, spending weeks on end in the summer camping and fishing, using boxes she saved for us just to play house in, etc....What about our culture as a whole? Where video games, TV and fast food and so on rule the lives of a lot of kids. Do people even get outside anymore? Maybe I'm being overdramatic.

Well anyways, this post sorta got to rambling...what I originally wanted to share with you was my Grams' rhubarb cobbler recipe. Rhubarb will forever remind me of her farm and my great-grandmother's specialty and the fact that they all saved me some extremely bitter raw pieces because they knew I loved it without once questioning my mental health.

Try it raw while you're baking this....see if you don't question my mental health for loving it? That's the power of a Grandmother.

4 cups diced rhubarb
4 cups cubed bread
1 1/2 cups sugar
1/2 cup margarine melted

In a bowl combine rhubarb, bread cubes and sugar, toss to coat. Add butter, mix well. Turn into a 11 in. x 7 in. x 2 in. baking pan. Bake at 350 degrees 40-45 min. or until golden, serve warm.


Alien space clowns

My last filming project for the week was tonight. I was Production Designer/Art Director for a film shoot for a Director I worked with a couple weeks ago. This one involved 3 different sets, the most intricate being the spaceship scene.

Thankfully it could look like a cheesy 50's sci-fi movie, because it did. But not bad for doing it in one day with nothing but stuff from Home Depot. Anyways, I added the pics to my 2 Writers Set Design Album. Enjoy!

Mrs. Kitten Zombie

OH MAN! After doing my weekly search of movie trailers I stumbled upon the trailer for Rob Zombie's new film, "Devil's Reject." Oh, to be the Production Designer for Mr. Zombie. I'd probably count that as one of my highest acheivements. His films are beautifully grotesque and hilarious.

Go see it!


Cave dwellers

Tonight Jen K. and I built a set for a lighting project for some students at Columbia. It was Jen's design from the scratch and we made it happen together in 4 hours. I added pix of our fine craftsmanship to the Set Design folder to the right. I think it looks amazing, especially when lit by a lantern like Carlos wants to do. Damn, creating is AWESOME.

Anyhoo, I'm going to bed because theMan is sicky poo, the poor thing. So here is another image in my "Flip off" series. Yep, we rented Alien vs. Predator and nothing deserves a flip off more than that stinker of a movie.


Mom, hell I'm late again

I just realized I never did a proper Mother's Day post. In fact, I didn't even get her a card, just a phone call. But it did give her plenty of opportunity to try to get me to buy her a swing for her yard. Lord. That and tell me that my sister is one up on me because her card got there already.

I must explain...I meant to get her a card, but when I went to Walgreens they were all kinda dumb and cheesy. Mom doesn't deserve dumb and cheesy. Fully expecting to find a cute stationary store and make up a handmade one, you know, with all my free time....well, I didn't get to it. Maybe buying her a swing would be easier.

Rereading this blog it might seem like my mom is manipulative and all, which she can be, but it's tongue in cheek too. She is blunt enough to tell me what she wants, a trait she definitely passed on to my sister, so at least it makes Christmas easier. I sorta treasure that about her in some ways though. That and her sense of humor.

I know I talk about my mom a lot and how fucked up certain aspects are with our relationship but it's not all bad. I hope that point comes across. I get my craziness from her, my sense of adventure, my ability to care about others and my mad cooking skills. She's quite a woman and passed on a lot of things to us that I hold very dear. She's nuts, but I love her.

I realized awhile ago that you get one mom in this life, sometimes like me you get two if you marry right, so treasure them as much as you can from a safe distance for your sanity and if they want a swing for their yard? Well....at least send them a card with a picture of a swing on it on Mother's Day.

Thunder! Na na na na na na na

Woke up this morning to a thunderstorm, a loud one and all it made me want to do is bury myself deeper in the covers and my man. So I did, at least until my hungry tummy took over.

Tonight is yet another night of filming which will kick off a 3 day, 3 director fest of film shoots followed by a Monday thru Wednesday of next week set build for another director to help Jen K. My only free day with no plans whatsoever, except possibly apple pancakes, is Sunday.

That's 4 films in 5 days, not counting next week's set building help-out. Can I get an AMEN!?!? Thankfully, it still doesn't feel like work. I assume that's a very good thing.

Progress update: Erica is fine from her surgery. So this goes out to her ovaries: Let's get it in fucking gear people. You no longer have any excuses not to throw out some good eggs.



Nothing like having some loud morning sex and then noticing the exterminator is waiting outside your door for you to finish to get in to spray for buggies. Then letting him in without either of you making eye contact for the next 10 minutes.

So how's your morning?



Okay, so I realize I went a little crazy with the pictures of myself and my new candy cane hair, but I was excited. You gotta allow a little vanity on someone's personal blog.

I put pics up from the filming shoot on Saturday. This one was called "Bedtime Story" and I really dug the story. I can't wait to see the finished product. The art direction on this shoot was easier, since I basically had the run of the house. In fact, I was left alone for a few hours to completely rearrange 3 rooms of this house for the set. Felt a little like an interior decorator. When the Director got back and saw pictures of families that weren't his in his house, that was even better.

I'm really getting comfortable with Art Direction and Set Design. With every job I learn something new and get more and more confident. I even got to learn a little about lighting and grip work too. What pays off though is working with great people. This shoot went from 10:00 a.m. Saturday until 4:00 a.m. on Sunday straight through and even though I was tired, I never stopped laughing. I can't do proper justice to the silliness, but let's just say it didn't feel like work.

Anyhoo, today my pal Erica is getting surgery so I want to say "Good luck and call me!" to her because I know she'll be laid up in bed all week. Ugh, this better work.

Okay, back to work.

P.S. I also added pics to the "Eyes of Luis Bunuel" folder too in the Set Design album from Jzn's camera. That film is currently being edited, so I hope to have it up shortly. Enjoy!


Red on the head....

Red on the head?
Fire in the hole!

My clue earlier was Ginger Spice, since that is all I could envision when I wanted to go in at 6:00 p.m. tonight to tell my hair stylist, Chris at Milio's that I wanted red and blonde hair.

But thankfully after 3 1/2 HOURS!!! he pulled through just how I wanted. And we even sang showtunes from Bye Bye Birdie as he rinsed my hair.

Oh, and I also added pics in the Set Design album. Night-night.

Car mount

Turns out the film I'm working on is shooting behind my building today! So I got to run out while on the clock and help out. One of my jobs? I had to kiss the main actor so he'd have a lipstick mark on his jaw.

What a hard job.

Hee hee.

A song for 6:00 p.m.

A clue:

"So tell me what you want, what you really really want."


Revolver, not the Beatles album

Tonight I went to a rehearsal/production meeting for a film I am doing Art Direction on this Saturday. I was a little worried because I hadn't seen the script and was basically given one night (tomorrow) to come up with props and a design. Thankfully the director wrote the script with his house in mind and has most of the props already.

I basically get to design the look of the place, move art and furniture around and place items. However, a new skill I can add to my job description is gun handler. Yep, we're using a real gun for this shoot. Let me tell you, when he took it out of its locked case and held it up for the actress to handle, we all stepped back and got real quiet. It was an after-school special in the making.

Thankfully the trigger doesn't have to be pulled and we're for sure it's not loaded. But just having that gun out on set makes everyone very nervous. I was sitting back with the DP (Director of Photography) tonight as he was trying to get the shot and I just so happened to be where the actress was pointing the gun. That is definitely not an angle I'd like to ever be in again in my life.

As has been the case so far, the actors, director and DP are all fun and great to work with. It's nice when you first meet someone and it's no big deal to get down to business creatively. I think that is the thing I'm enjoying most. Plus, I really like the script. It's got a twist to it that even the camera work is going to play off nicely. He says I can get a copy when it's done, so hopefully I can post some of it for you guys.

But that gun....eep. I'll try to take pictures for you guys, see if it creeps you out too.


I woke up cranky and it keeps getting worse. It's 2:45 p.m. and I'm not even excited that work is blowing by quickly. I need a snog, a drink, an island, something.....or maybe I don't need a thing. I just need to be.

But now is not the time to get all zen, now is the time to take a nap.

Nice shot man

Filters was the topic today at therapy. For instance: someone tells you this sentence: “I like your shirt.” You hear based on past experiences, you emotional state, etc.: “I like that shirt. I didn’t like the shirt you had on yesterday. Why don’t you wear this shirt more often? You look like crap usually, but thanks for making an effort today at least.”

That is a filter. Not my particular grade of filter, but you get the extreme example hopefully. We examined some things that have made me feel a particular way, usually negative, and broke down what was said and what I heard, as well as what I needed to hear. Very very interesting.

Try it for yourself though. It’s like the telephone game. The next time someone tells you something, analyze what they actually said and what you heard.

I also discussed my expectations of myself. When something is said or done I want to be able to know right away how to process it. Talk about perfectionist....She used the metaphor of myself is currently like the flesh under a band-aid. It needs a little time to heal the rawness. I can’t just pull it off and get back to dirty work.

One of my filters is feeling like I should be competant enough to care for others and myself without expecting it from others at all. I get a lot of shame and guilt from that, which I find disconcerting. Thankfully, there is a thing called compassion for oneself. Amen. But she said I need to understand it's a slow process of picking apart that filter, so unrealistic expectations aren't helpful. However, she worded it much less judgemental. My god, the woman has a knack for being tender.

I do place unreasonable expectations on myself at times, but mostly internally. I want to be “normal” or my version of normal right now and all the time. I want to handle things healthily every single moment. A bit unrealistic, eh?

I also find it a little foreign to expect certain needs to be met by people. Like that’s wrong to want things for yourself in return, even though you give them what they need. We project our needs on to others, that’s how we work. Why does that seem weak to me? It’s all about give and take.

I did tell her that I realize I compare myself to others entirely too much. Just because you’re thin or get compliments from your husband or have a healthy relationship with your mother, doesn’t mean that person might not have bodies stacked up in their basement. It’s sooo pointless to compare, isn’t it?

So basically a mish-mash of topics today. You know, she feels very comfortable to be around at this point. I tell her things no one knows about me. She's a friend I pay, but still a very objective, non-partisan friend who will listen to you for an hour straight and never ever judge. The beautiful part, it's totally selfish. I don't have to give her anything or fill any of her needs. That feels incredible.


Trent, you gorgeous hunk of man

I also forgot to mention that the new Nine Inch Nails album came out. It's not his best work, but listen to it a few times. It will grow on you.

Oh, and while you listen to it...think of him in that Perfect Drug video. YUM.

The String Cheese Incident

Did you know that in Chicago there are restaurants that are BYOB? Yep, bring your own booze. You can bring bottles of wine or a case of beer or whatever and they provide the glasswear. As far as I know there is no fee either, at least at the places we've gone too. (Hey Lombards, next time you visit, we gotta go!) Our little Thai place we love let us drink red wine to our heart's delight for no charge. How freaking cool is that?!?!

The no cable thing is working out by the way. I did get a little antsy Monday night, but I decided to do the pile of dishes and clean the floor instead and finished the night up by reading. Last night it didn't even phase me because I was at a meeting for upcoming films and the gym. You can't hold me down Cable Company! I'll use that $110.00 for something productive! But um...could you at least tell me what's going on in that show that I am too embarrassed to admit I watch?

Regarding cable disconnect, we're selling our Replay box too. It's in fine working order, I doubt there is even any scratches. If anyone is interested, email me.

Speaking of films, after our meeting last night I have 4-5 possibly lined up for the summer. 2 in the following weeks, one that has a rehearsal tomorrow. I'm so glad I took this last weekend off. I'm fully addicted now, and as long as others support my habit I won't have to sneak on set of any Nicolas Cage movies being filmed by my office for a fix.

I wanted to do a big post on my feelings on the non-smoking ban or those pharmacist's that won't fill presciptions for birth control, but you know....putting a whole conherant thought together right now is not exactly working out. I'll try to be controversial as soon as humanly possible. Scout's honor.


About that X chromosome...?

In order to work on my self esteem, self confidence, ix-naying on the "I'm a fat pig" thoughts, etc...I've been trying to put forth a little effort into my appearance. I've already lost a lot of weight, so that's going fine but I thought I should step it up on a notch on the feminine stuff too. From giving myself a pedicure complete with porn star white tips on my toes to buying better unmentionables that I feel sexy in (my ass is currently spouting the phrase: Hello Kitty! How's that for girlie?) to making an effort to actually wear jewelry on a semi-daily basis that matches my outfits. I'm not trying to fit an image, I'm just trying to make myself feel more dressed up. I know, I know. Slow down Kitten.

But today may be one of the last straws. I see those girls on the train and think: "Wow, they look put together." So I took the plunge. I was hypnotized in the shoe store by some delicious chocolate brown heels that would perfectly match my chocolate brown skirt and pink deep v-neck shirt. I woke up and thought TODAY IS THE DAY! (Side note: I also knew I was driving to work and didn't have to walk a mile to the train and back.)

The verdict so far: MY FUCKING FEET ARE KILLING ME. How do chicks wear tiny little shoes on a daily basis and be expected to walk upright?!?!

It's not even the heels part. I like being 6'0" tall in heels, that works. It's the leather and tightness and OUCH of new shoes. My kingdom for some flip flops!

So I'm not officially giving up on dressing girlie, but I think I'll check into bedazzling my flip flops. Surely that will work.


Brain droppings

It's quite amazing what a relaxing weekend with no definite plans will do for ya! Lots of shopping, movie watching, laying on the couch limbs intwined, more shopping and coffee getting done. I didn't want it to end.

Joelle has started work on my new blog design. I realize it's vain and all but I can't wait to see the finished product. I've given her a completely different idea now that I like more and I feel it's money well spent. I sorta feel like one of those douchebags that put spoilers on their shitty Chevy Berettas, but whatever. It's my money, right?

We had a conversation yesterday on our way to read at the coffeeshop that basically asked the question: "If all laws of physics and morals were suspended for one day...what would you do that you've always wanted to do?" Sadly, slapping an ice cream cone out of someone's hand or dressing in vinyl and shooting people was not far down on the list. Egads. But I also just rewatched The Matrix again, so that might explain a lot.

I bought these huge sunglasses (as seen in Random pic today) and I wear them everywhere now. I tell theMan it's so the paparazzi won't recognize me at the grocery store. Don't you think it's fun to pretend you're a movie star sometimes?

It's Monday and I'm wearing a shirt with a gun on it.