Therapy-Come & Get it!

Therapy word for the day: SHAME

I feel alot of shame but I didn’t know how to describe it or how to label it until today. And if there is one thing that is helping my journey it’s labeling things so I can mentally check myself when I’m feeling it, before it gets out of hand.

I am responsible for feeling shame by a lot of my own thinking. I compare myself to others when it’s apples and oranges. What’s the phrase? You only feel how you let someone make you feel? However, that’s not to say people in my life can’t make me feel that way as well, but I tend to take it all on, like a magnet. Then I use people, things, etc. as a quick fix to make myself instantly feel better.

She said feeling shame and panic at the same time can be very tiring and hard to keep up and I’ve probably been feeling it for a long time. She made me look at more situations in my past with compassion instead of shame for how I acted at the time, which helped.

I’m starting to try some experiments however, which my doctor seemed happy about. This weekend I’m going to go eat alone and do some window shopping, etc. by myself. I’ve wanted to for a long time. I might even go see a movie, but I haven’t decided. The difference this weekend though is that I’m not going to have a real purpose, like run errands or accomplish any task because that is not the purpose. I’m just going to set aside some time to do the things I enjoy by myself for a couple hours. In the past, I would have thought it was wrong to want to do these things or I would have felt like I had to have someone else there or go for a particular reason, but I don’t. Every part of me wants to just have some time to myself and I don’t feel bad about it one bit.

I left telling her I’ve never felt more in control or calm in my life. I feel strong, almost empowered. So we’re setting my appointments every two weeks for awhile. But being the sweetheart she is, she gave me her phone number and email so I can call her mid-week and just say, “HELP”!

I wonder what china pattern she wants for our wedding?