God's Precious Gift to me

Sure, yes, our child is ultimately god's precious gift, but more urgently...TUMS. Holy mother of god do I love those things. I can almost handle the nausea as I haven't actually puked yet. But the indigestion is really hitting me hard. It doesn't matter what I eat, it all makes me burn down to my stomach and up to the back of my throat. ALL DAY LONG.

So today I finally picked up some Tums in "Smoothie Flavors" and wow. Instant relief. Plus they are packed with calcium. Bonus for the fetus!

Also, ever since I left the doctor's office I feel pretty good about this pregnancy. I think I figured it out, other than the scary ultrasound, I mean. My doc's office is used to treating people with infertility issues. They are well-known for it in the Chicago area. While I do not have such issues so far, I get the same treatment. They don't want to get anyone's hopes up, but they are going to test the shit out of you to make sure they are doing all they can so you can feel good about that at least.

They can't say "It's going to be okay!" to me when I'm crying in their office about my little pinto bean running a week slow. Because they are very used to it not being okay for a lot of their patients, a lot of the time. While I waited in line for my urine test I heard 3 different ladies come up to talk to them about triggers and IVF appointments.

So instead of being sweet, they stay real. They run more tests and keep an eagle eye on me and don't get my hopes up.

At least that is what I'm telling myself. Maybe I'm naive. However, I'm very much looking forward to this next ultrasound and if all is well, which I really feel like it will be somewhere deep inside of this anxiety, being moved to the new practice. i.e. The younger docs that deliver the babies. While I love the hyper-testing and would recommend my practice to anyone that asks (and have to 3 ladies here at work), I also need my doctor to hug me and sure, maybe lie a little bit and say, "It's going to be okay."

Heartbeat 140

Everything is good. We are measuring a week behind which made me bawl like an idiot for most of the appointment, but after calming down and my homies doing a little research for me, it’s probably fine. My cervix is closed, all my signs are good and the heartbeat was 140. The doctor didn't even seem concerned but was matter-of-fact in that we just have to wait and see.

We saw the heartbeat immediately too!! So crazy! They even let us listen to it. I could have listened to that all evening.

I do have a fibroid on my left ovary but Doc. B. said I want that because it means it’s pumping out a ton of things to keep the pregnancy going. Plus, it's not bothering me.

I have another appointment next Tuesday at 1:40 to do a follow-up ultrasound to make sure it’s growing. I’m nervous but feel a lot better. I think I’m just really attached to this little blob and so far it’s been something at every appointment. Looks like I’m getting ready for parenthood.

They are doing all the bloodwork and checking my progesterone again to make sure I am at the right levels. Should get a call tomorrow.

HOWEVER, in true ME fashion, I did get into it with the appointment lady and I called her a “harpy”. Sigh. I went in the back instead of the front like normal since it was an OB appt. She gave me attitude about scheduling another ultrasound so early and I asked her if she wanted me to perform it myself, called her a harpy and went back to the front desk to complain. They said, “yea, she’s a bit much.” I said, “Am I going to have to deal with that b*tch at the new office?” They said, “Sadly no, we get to deal with her.” They were very understanding and took care of me. Apparently that is why she sits in the back.

One for the baby book.

Bonus round for most f-ed up baby book ever: Our first cab driver nearly killed us. 2 cabs were fighting when I hailed one, so we just got in the first one. He pulled around and rammed his car with us in it into the cab that we didn’t get into after we went around the block. So the cabbie in the other car spit and it hit theMan in the face. I started yelling to let us the “F” out right now. He pulled over and we didn’t pay.

Oh baby, you are in for the ride of your life with us.

Maternity Wear is all flowers

What a long needed relaxing weekend that was. Started it off by spending Friday night sleeping. Literally 14 hours of sleep. Only slight interruptions but I never had any trouble getting back to the business at hand.

My husband is a god for letting me be THIS lazy. Okay, not lazy, just really tired and cranky.

He didn't have any weddings this weekend and I didn't have to drive 1,050 miles so we spent every moment together. Cleaned the house, went to the grocery store, got breakfast together and read the paper. Didn't even hit up any cemeteries. We even went to the mall and he made me feel okay about trying on maternity clothes. Apparently already much needed since I also spent my Saturday pulling things out of my closet I can't wear, and won't be wearing until NEXT fall 2009.

I bought this shirt, my first maternity shirt. The sales girl said, "Have you been here before?" I said, "Yes, just not for me, I'm sorta freaked out." She just smiled then she left me alone. Kinda wish I would have basked in all her questions and congrats but I just felt like a fraud. I felt like I was shopping for a girlfriend!?

So I bought it. I made myself. It's not my favorite shirt, I didn't have to have it. It has flowers on it for god sake, but I wanted to indulge. So here I sit. All round and covered in flowers.

Tomorrow at 11:20 we get our first glimpse at this little person. To say that every waking thought is consumed by this, would be an understatement.

Obligatory Birthday Post

So my birthday is coming up and it's a big one: 3-0. Up until July 4th and the great "peeing on every stick available" I was so stoked and worried that nothing I would do would be big enough to celebrate it. (I kinda have a thing about my birthday, sue me.) I wanted to dance, do karaoke, take a trip, eat a ton of good food, be with all of my friends. Now, eh, I just want it to get here because I will be out of the ever-so-scary 1st trimester and my mom is coming up to buy me bigger pants.

HOWEVER, I will still induldge my self-absorbed self and list the top birthday gifts I am currently wanting as of today (subject to change because I'm a hormonal freak right now):

In no particular order:
1.) A heartbeat for this fetus
2.) A gold necklace with my name in cursive pendant or some other bad ass word like "Dang" or "Cupcake"
3.) Grilled out steak and cornhole w/my GWO crew
4.) Shoes, particularly flats, in awesomely bright colors, yet supportive and functional
5.) Breakfast in bed from theMan (mostly, just bed, a lot of bed. I'm tired, have I mentioned that?)
6.) The entire box set of Absolutely Fabulous on DVD (including new seasons)
7.) A framed picture painted by Coen
8.) This sideboard/buffet table from CB2.
9.) A haircut and pedicure.
10.) World peace (Okay, totally threw that in there because this was feeling pretty self-indulgent.)

7 Weeks

Hi! Remember me? Crazy insande peeing-on EPT lady? Well, I just got back from a girl's trip to Memphis and my god. My intestinal tract is slowly recovering from the pork, ice cream and 100 degree heat.

I shall have a full on trip report this week and pictures are going up slowly but surely in Flickr. However, I thought I'd let you in on a little pregnancy news. The news being I can no longer wear any of my pants. Seriously.

I mean, I wasn't exactly swimming in them before but I could at least button them. I can't button one pair of pants that I own. Not one. I can button, barely, 2 pairs of shorts but our office is business casual, not Jimmy Buffet casual. Other than that I've been wearing every single dress or skirt I can muster from the bowels of my closet. My other saving grace, which felt REALLY WEIRD to buy: The bella band. It only felt weird because 1.) I'm not even that pregnant. Something my preg. books love to point out....

"Oh no one will be able to tell you are pregnant yet! You should take a picture now to compare in a few months to see how you looked before you began to show!" While I'm reading this I'm laying in bed no longer able to see my crotch from my eyes perspective.

And 2.) Um, I need to buy maternity clothes? Something for being pregnant? You could say it's sunk in but still feels a little surreal at this point.

I will say the Bella Band people have totally missed their market. It's like a headband that keeps your pants up when you can't button them and looks like a tank top or another shirt under your top shirt. It would be perfect for bloating or after eating a big meal! So far I've convinced no one non-pregnant at work to buy them for this reason.

I'm not posting any pictures of my belly until I see the little heartbeat on Monday. Then I will feel less and less weird about having a round gut like a 5 month pregnant woman and more like a Momma Goddess with Bloat.

P.S. Also got the almighty nausea I was warned about. I have to eat about every 2 hours or I feel like I'll barf. Woo hoo!!! This is jus so weird.

Pusha

I annouced it yesterday at work at the big meeting and everyone cheered. They were talking about the ladies in HR that both had babies over the weekend and asked if anyone else had any news. My friend elbowed me so I said, "Um, apparently I sit too close to HR because now I'm pregnant."

Then they annouced my promotion. Kinda felt like my own little party. Ha!

Had our "consultation" doctor appointment yesterday too. Basically they give you a huge packet of information and talk to you like you are actually pregnant and might need information on pre-admittance for the hospital to go into labor at some point. It was surreal and really exciting at the same time.

I'm also currently taking the progesterone suppositories. They are pretty disgusting but at the same time it makes me feel like I'm actually taking care of this kid.

However, my next appointment on July 28th we get to have the big vag excavation and ultrasound to see the heartbeat. I asked the doctor if they wanted me to hold off on taking the suppository the night before my exam for their benefit (for lack of a prettier way to describe it, the stuff comes back out the next morning). She said, "No honey. You still take them. We've seen it all."

Just feels like I should keep it nice down there for them.

About the title of this post: "Pusha" is the name my niece Gracie has decided that we should name our baby. Her mom, Jennifer, asked her what to name the baby if it's a boy and she said, "no, it's a girl baby." Jen said, but what if it's a boy and she assured her "It's a girl." Sadly, she's already given the name "Barrier" to her doll, so we can't use that one. Gracie then said she would like to go to visit our house after she stops by her friend Ava's so she can talk to Uncle theMan about the name. So funny.

1278

That was agonizing.

Hcg levels went up to 1278 (tripled from Tuesday's 402!--were only looking to double) but progesterone went down to 7.5 from 9.2. So I have to take ahem, vaginal suppositories for 10 weeks. theMan said he would help...what a dear.

I LOVE THIS!!!!!!

Best news yet...if they didn’t do this blood test I would have miscarried eventually should my progesterone have kept declining. How fucking awesome is my doctor!?!?!?!?

So I have my first "consult" with the medical assistant on Monday then I will schedule the 8 week and ultrasound with Dr. B. before moving to the new practice for the remainder.

I feel like I'm in very good hands and I feel like this might just happen.

YAY! does not even begin to describe it.

Banging Veins Boogaloo 2

Blood draw #2 is in the can people! I'm hoping with all my might that it's fine, my HcG has doubled and my progesterone is A-OK. But if not, we'll figure it out. Will know tomorrow by noon, doctor promised not to make me wait all weekend!

It's really hard to explain but I am sooooo calm. I feel more at peace and happy than I have in a long time.

Even when I've nt been sleeping great (laying awake at 3:00 a.m. every night) or not being able to "drop the deuce" or even the chemical taste I get when I try to eat anything but salad. I love all of it!

Everyone keeps asking all these questions about if we'll find out the sex, who will be in the room, will I get an epidural and honestly, I don't have any idea nor do I really care. C-section, epidural, chanting by Gregorian Monks. I could give a shit. I just want that sweet little baby at the end of this, healthy and perfect and here.

I hope this works.

402

Got the call. She said, "Very much pregnant." My hormone levels (HCG) are 402 which she said was right on track for how far along I was. I have to get another blood test in the morning because my progesterone was a litttttllllee shy of where they liked to see it. I was at 9.2 and they like to see it between 11-12 or something. I love how careful they are being!

If it's still low I think I have to take progesterone supplements. They promised I would have results by Friday before the weekend.

We are pregnant!

Ugh

Got my blood drawn. I was 1/2 hour early and Miss Eager Beaver. The girl in the lab didn't think it was funny when I told her that if this blood test says "negative" I'm suing EPT for my money back from 5 pregnancy tests.

So I came back and subsequently did the following while I wait:

-Got heartburn
-Ate cup of chilli
-Ate a peach and hot tea
-Ate 100 cal. cupcakes
-Ate candy bar
-Ate bag of Doritos
-Downed 4 cups of water to drown out artificial colorings and preservatives
-No work whatsoever
-Resisted urge to pee on more tests
-Laid down in the back room

Dear god. I'm sorry tiny little sac of cells. I promise to do better. I promise! Just stay in there.

I will have the results and a game plan around noon tomorrow.

Oh the Huge Manatees

Blood test scheduled for 9:00 a.m. tomorrow morning. Freaking out big time scheduled for 9:01 a.m.

I will report back in the day or two when we have the results.

Although I took another test this morning, because the batteries finally died in the digital one I took on Saturday. After carrying it around in my purse all weekend. Sleeping next to it and staring at it.

Still says "Pregnant". And it's still looking at me like I'm an asshole for doubting it. If I'm still peeing on sticks in 6 months, someone slap me.

EEEEEEP.

Uterus Tales

Um. Well. Holy crap.

So it went down like this: Friday morning after sleeping in a near coma, I decide to take a pregnancy test before I go down and drink with all my cousins for the 4th celebrations. I figured out I was about 7-8 days late and might as well get the inevitable NADA. So I peed, rested it on the sink and walked in the kitchen to start my eggs.

45 minutes later the eggs are still sitting cold on the stove while me and theMan stare at each other in awe. I enlist my sister and one of my BFF's for confirmation. The line was faint but it was there, however for some reason I thought both theMan & I were hallucinating. I mean surely not. We were not, according to my experts, it was there and we were pregnant, more specifically me.

So we just decided to wait 24 hours, not say a word to anyone, somehow convince people we're suddenly NOT interested in the free unlimited beer all day and test in the morning.

I got through the day, stealing looks at each other when we'd each hold other people's babies or when someone would offer me booze. I know I was being quiet but I tried to just be normal Suzy. Later that night we left some fun peeps to go to bed. All the faster morning would come and we could test again.

I woke up at 6:30 a.m. and convinced myself it would not be negative, that I didn't find the one day a month those things show up positive. So I took the test and bam! another faint line. The faint lines were REALLY pissing me off at this point. theMan tried to convince me but I just wanted it to be darker. You know, screaming at me, not these wussy faint blue lines everywhere!

So I sheepishly crawled into bed with my BFF/cousin who we stayed with in Indiana and asked her opinion. Being awesome she immediately sprung up, got me another test, looked up the results when we got yet another faintish but present line, and then drove me to the nearby Walmart for one that would just say "Pregnant, you asshole" or "No, you are hallucinating".

This time by the time I got up and washed my hands, on my 3rd pee of the morning in less than 2 hours, it came up almost immediately: Pregnant. It even refrained from calling me names for doubting it's brothers in the front lines.

So. Yea. We're going to possibly be having a baby around February 28th-ish and wow. I'm about 6 weeks along but I'll know for sure when I see my doctor.

Holy effin crap.