9 1/2

Oh Hai! Still here, still pregnant and still feeling a little "eh". Week ago I was like "GET OUT KID!" This week, after a good doctor visit and revisiting our labor manuals, I'm sorta okay with her staying in there. At least I know that while I can't see it, my undercarriage is still intact.

My co-workers have been awesome. People have brought me spicy chili, chocolates and yesterday we threw an impromptu "Get out Addie!" party with my homie's hot wing dip.

"Everyone wants to meet you kid!"

However, we are going to the huge mega-mall today to walk and walk and walk and walk and drink water and possibly get a nice lunch involving salmon and then walk some more to see if she does anything in a more southerly direction. It would be a perfect weekend for it. I mean, logistically speaking. My sister's in-laws (BIL's family) are here so they could meet her and help with our niece & nephew, it's my mom's 50th birthday and well, I'm pretty caught up at work. Plus, if it was this weekend my maternity leave would still cover our trip to the Dells in late April! Ha!

But I know kids and boy do I know life. It comes and happens when it wants. And that's okay. If there is one thing I've learned during this pregnancy, it's be a little more zen, and get the hell out of the way of your uterus. It does what it wants.

Labia Lamentations

Even though I'll probably want complete silence, no touching and I will be a ravenous she-beast, I'm still making some CDs to take to the hospital to utilize the bitchin' Bose surround system.

I figure we hardly ever enter our place without immediately turning on iTunes and filling every room, all day long with music. I may want some comforts of home, even while my vagina is telling herself she's fucking out of here if this is the way I'm going to treat her. Also, I really want to write down the song she comes out to in he baby book.

So far these CD's include:

"Push It Real Good" Mix:
-Bright Eyes
-Bob Dylan
-Cure
-Bravery
-Patsy Cline

"Labia Lamentations" Mix:
-The Format
-The Mountain Goats
-Scissor Sisters
-Nine Inch Nails

"My Crotch Hurts" Mix:
-Eisley
-Peter Gabriel
-Hot Chip
-Death Cab for Cutie

"Torn Vagigis" Mix:
-Wolfmother
-Raconteurs
-Led Zeppelin
-Michael Buble
-Glen Hansard

Some of my favorites include (specifically for title reasons alone:
-"Someday you will be loved" - Death Cab for Cutie
-"All the way down" - Glen Hansard
-"A mess to be made" - The Format
-"I Don't Feel Like Dancin'" - Scissor Sisters
-"Right Where It Belongs" - NIN
-"A Scale, A Mirror & Those Indifferent Clocks"- Bright Eyes
-"Marvelous Things" - Eisley
-"Steady as She Goes" - The Racontuers
-"Over and Over" - Hot Chip
-"Split Me Wide Open" - The Bravery

Contractions

I'm 36 Weeks (tomorrow) and one week from full-term. Been having pretty painful decent contractions the last 2 days, even had some early in the day today after cleaning. Walking around Target last night resulted in stopping every couple aisles to get through it. Stopped this a.m. though!

theMan & I went to collect some of the last items on the list for the baby since I over-budgeted for paying off our car by $175!! Woo hoo! Oh and yes, the car is finally paid off! 3 months early, but just in time for baby and theMan to stop receiving a paycheck. Whew.

(Side note: I couldn't be more proud of us....$24,000+ in 2 years all by living in our means and staying on budget. Thank you Dave Ramsey and will power. Ha!)

Also, my feet and ankles are swelling so bad. It sorta grosses me out actually. It looks like I've rubber-banded my ankles when I wear socks. Bleh.

She's moving like crazy and taking refuge under my ribs and low in my belly. theMan comes to bed after me and just feels her busting moves in there while I sleep through it. Really starting to want to get this road on the show. We want to meet her!!

Still here!

Dang it. This is beautiful: 40 Years Later.

With every passing day I'm getting more uncomfy, more heartburn, more feet swelling and Addie is punching harder and harder. It's like the great build-up!

I'm trying to get things in order at work but I'll be honest, my head is not in the game. I spent my lunch hour looking up formulas, signing up for samples and such, and then ate leftover pizza in the cafe. When honestly, I probably could have used the time to work some OT to get stuff I've been putting off done.

Thankfully I met with my manager on Monday and after we spent the appropriate amount of time going over my job and what to do while I'm gone, we spent double that time talking about her baby and delivery and she gave me such great advice and stories! So I think I'm good, even if my water breaks tonight. I'm just not a gal that likes to leave work for others.

I imagine it doesn't help that I've had one good night of sleep in the last 2 weeks either. But you know, I just can't be upset about any of it. I've never felt more grateful in my life.

So Addie, take your time, keep getting healthy and know we're waiting on you!

35 Weeks 3 Days

Had my first “internal” and honestly, it wasn’t awful. I’m not dilated, at least nothing she reported on and Addie isn’t “engaged” but she is head down (got to see her on ultrasound). Thank goodness! At first Dr. V. couldnt' feel her head from my cervix so I was nervous she was still breech. Good job Addie!

WOO HOOO! So I'm still thinking this baby is hanging out until March 1st-ish. She did look pretty smushed in there though. No wonder she kicks me hard!

Also, Dr. V. said “Just so you know, our main goal, all of the doctors in our practice, is to let you make your medical decisions. You will never be pressured to have drugs or get a c-section and you will always be informed.”

Also, their default is to get the baby on your chest immediately after birth (unless it needs some attention) as in, skin to skin contact and all of the nurses can help with lactation consulting for breastfeeding (i.e. I asked because of my breast reduction). Plus, they ask the dad if they want to cut the cord always unless, and I quote “Your face says very clearly you are not able too.” Ha ha ha ha She was so great. I just wanted to put her in my pocket.

Also, she made me feel really okay with going to the hospital last week because I basically peed my pants.

I don’t have to even come back next Tuesday. She said to cancel and just come back at 37 weeks. YAY!!

Mommy Wars

Hi! Quick note: 35 weeks today...feeling like my vagina is falling out and I get about 3 hours sleep a night, but you know what....she's easier and cheaper to care for inside, so I'm not rushing it. Plus, snow has melted. WOOO HOOO!! Really hard to complain. Also, no further visits to the hospital.

On that note: And, just because no one told me...apparently you can PEE YOUR GOD DAMN PANTS just by standing around and think it's your water breaking. However, don't tell people at work your doctor thinks your water broke, because when it hasn't, some of them, especially men will say "What was it then? Oh....nevermind." And you will stand there all awkwardly trying not to tell them about mucous and urine while they try not to look horrified.

A tip I learned from a mother in the trenches...pee as normal, when you think you're done (you aren't) stand up, lift up your belly, sit back and down and try some more. Really. Ladies, our bodies are pretty gross.

Anyfuckinggrossways, if you haven't watched any of the "Momversations," and you like listening to different opinions of funny and outspoken (and might I just add the words "real" and "grounded") ladies on the topics of motherhood, I highly recommend it!

I'm hooked. Recently loved the one about breastfeeding. What a hot topic that is, eh? Since I had a breast reduction at 17 I always knew I would have problems or just not be able too, so really, I made my choice then and I've been fine with it. Now as I get closer to having Addie outside and hungry for sustenance, yes, I wish I could breastfeed, but as always I'm doing what I can and won't feel bad about any choices I have to make. And I know that formula may be in our future at some point.

I'm already bracing myself for the "drive-by" comments from people in the world when they see her getting a bottle, one way or another because I've heard them directed at others.

Truth be told, I'm kinda excited because I'm a rebellous SOB, to tell them straight faced when I'm holding a bottle "It's my sister's breastmilk." Or my favorite response to people who really should mind their own business, "How about you go die?"

Being pregnant has got me a few comments from strangers, words that I would have never said to anyone without knowing them, but I imagine, from what I hear, mothering elicits a WHOLE new world of those people and their comments. That's why I'm fascinated with Momversation site, or other mom blogs. I like hearing that "hey, you are not alone and yes, the world is full of assholes." I always knew I wasn't and it is, but it is good to know there are some level headed ladies out there not trying to cut other women down.

When I'm more clear headed I'd love to jot down my thoughts about why it's so easy for women to bash other women, even to their face. How competitive our sex is and how judgmental. Right now, I'm just trying to get more than 3 hours of shut eye a night.

But if you see a lady with messy hair in the Chicago area in about 2 months, holding a newborn in one arm and sucker punching some well-meaning hippie with the other....just smile and nod and check back here for details.

Trial run

Went to the hospital today, triage in Labor & Delivery, because I was experiencing some "water breaking" signs. Probably a good sign that I'm not in labor is that I couldn't stop laughing.

So I thought my water broke last night. I came home from the Chicago baby shower (which was AMAZING, more on that later) and went straight to my sister's to babysit Yorke & visit with Mom. Yorke was asleep on my chest so I closed my eyes for like 10 minutes. Then I woke up and handed her to mom so I could pee and make her a bottle (not at the same time).

Peed, stood up washed my hands and SPLAT, soaked undies for lack of a better description. Went and laid down on the bed to play with Yorke before I fed her and a little more came out. Didn't think anything of it but told theMan when we got home and he wigged, appropriately and adorably.

Called the doctor this morning just to see what they thought and she was like "Go to the hospital, now. You'll either be sent home or have the baby." Addie was going nuts last night and I had the worst heartburn, so I thought, "well might as well do a trial run." I think it might have just been "secretions" and I was right. I knew it wasn't anything but between my doctor's office and theMan's concern, I indulged them. However, once we got to the hospital I did start to talk to Addie a little and tell her to just wait, please wait....

After a very painful exam with various instruments I was free and clear of water breakage, but I am dilated "a little". They had me strip, hook up to monitors, the whole 9 yards. Even asked me what I wanted for pain management, like I was in labor. So surreal.

The trip did make me more confident about my doctor. She was on call and showed up and rubbed my feet and was very sweet.

Now at work, everyone keeps looking at me like I'm going to pop. On my way out my boss caught me at the elevator and was like "Um, holy crap!" And just yelling while the doors closed! Ha!

Everything is good though! No contractions, I'm dilated and she sounded perfect. However, the baby has definitely dropped, at least according to absolutely everyone that sees me. She does feel lower, so I'm going to believe them. Feels like it might be soon.