Dnrunk Blogging Ver. 208.6

Hey dkids! I'm drunk as shit. In fact, I went to the bar tonight, local pub to be more specific with a co-worker, husband, friend and her husbanad. It was FUN. I feel like I said "anal" and "coffee table" entirely too much buthey, what are friends for.

Sol yea. I thought I might do another installment of drunk blogging while I'm sittin ghere in my undies getting ready for bed on this chilly friday night.

theMan is watching Freeman Prespective o thet tube and I plan on passing out face down full of german beer in anticipation of my new hair color tomorrow morning which I'm not entirely s ure how I'm going to pay for. LIvig olife no the edge kids, that's how I rool..

Drunk blogging is so fucking awesome I outghta patented it.

Fashion Sickness

I have this ailment that forces me to spill out every detail of the fabulous deal I got whenever someone compliments me on a particular item of clothing. You tell me you love my shirt? I tell you I got it at a garage sale for a quarter last summer in Linden, Indiana by a lady also selling used lingerie.

I can't help it. I suppose I could cure this by spending too much money on stuff and being embarrassed, but then where would I be. If I found a deal, you must know about it. I can't just take a compliment and let them think I spent $100 on it. Not when they can know how much money I saved?! My great-grandmother would be so proud.

But another side effect of this disease I didn't realize was brought to my attention this morning. The receptionist said my shirt looked particularly flattering and after I did my whole "I found it at a garage sale!" story she just started laughing.

Me: "I know, I can't help but tell you about a sale."
Receptionist: "No, it's not that. It's just anytime I'd want to buy the same shirt or whatever that I like on you, you have gotten it off some back rack where there was only one left for $2.00. I now fully expect you to tell me you stole it off a corpse at a funeral home, that is how obscure some of your finds are!!!!"

I would never do that. Then again, they aren't really going to use it and it would be free.

Nothing

First things first, despite what my Etsy store shows, I have been creating new earrings all week and will be posting new jewelry shortly. I took a little break but have recommitted myself to making at minimum 2 pairs a week from now on. I also was commissioned to make 3 necklaces. So if those don’t suck, I might venture out.

Now, on to other matters at hand. It’s summer now, officially. I like to declare it summer when you have to take a cold shower at 3 a.m. just so you can make it the last 3 hours of the night without sweating through the sheets. When you fling yourself buck naked in front of a fan and dare your bed buddy to even so much as brush his foot against you. When picking out clothes for the day you go with whatever fabric is as close to nothing as possible versus matching and flattering. This has been my life the last 3 weeks. It’s hot as balls here in Chi-town, only this week letting up a little with some storms and glorious wind.

I’ve reached the point in heat and humidity where I don’t care what I look like in a bathing suit as long as it will make me stop sweating. I know the other people on the beach feel the same way. Well, except for the girl at Foster Beach on Sunday in the string thong sunning herself. Seriously, I’m not a hater of skinny women but I was mostly fearing for the amount of sand creeping into her va-jay-jay. That can’t be good for future offspring or lubrication when she’s being porn slammed by the trio of hulking mongoloids she came with who spent the hour kicking sand on each other and flexing. A girl has to look out for her fellow sisters!

I woke up on Saturday last with a feeling of lightness. I had absolutely no plans. No money, sure, but no plans whatsoever. I didn’t do my normal jump out of bed with a list of things to get done by 2:00 p.m. Of course, I didn’t feel so inclined to clean either, but hey. So this weekend is more of the same. No plans, a little more money and summer. I think I’ll take advantage by doing absolutely whatever comes up but planning nothing. However, I will properly shield my girl bits at the beach.

Hot as balls

Today I got paid to go to breakfast with my sister and Coney Sauce, ride in a convertible, eat barbeque, drink free drinks, play beach volleyball, and soak my feet in a pool while sipping a pineapple juice & vodka.

I love my company.

My company rented a 10+ acre Marriott resort today in the suburbs and let us run free non-stop for 5 hours. If we didn't go, we had to take a vacation day so I wasn't going to miss it. To make it extra cool, we decided to ride there in my co-worker's convertible and gossip the whole way. It was fabulous.

The only, and I mean ONLY bummer was during a 3-hour marathon of beach volleyball I twisted my leg and covered my hands and arms in bruises. But it kinda makes me look bad ass. So I'll survive. Plus I'm now drunk on Pina Coladas from eating fish tacos (that sounds bad but they weren't) with a co-worker when we returned. I feel no pain!

I ate breakfast with Coney and Sis while we waited to get our brakes fixed. $443.00 later we're going to be eating Ramen noodles all week. But guess what? I paid cash. No more credit card debt. If it means Ramen noodles, so be it! Plus, our tires don't scream at us when we stop.

Anyways, I uploaded some pics in Flickr. You know what to do.

My Dad Rules

Sunday is Father's Day and I find myself missing my dad oodles. You see I'm a special girl because I have 2 fathers. My biological one, Bill, who for reasons out of my control wasn't around a whole lot when I was growing up and then there is my Dad, Jim.

Now Bill, he's a good guy, don't get me wrong. I just don't think he ever really wanted to be a father. You see my mom got pregnant with me when they were very young, like 18 and he's never had any other children besides me. I'd say that was a pretty good indicator. As a consolation prize, that's where Jim fits in, my Dad.

I have always liked to look at it like "somebody up there" knew I was an "only" child without a father around so they gave me one as a replacement pretty early in my childhood. Dad, nor his entire family, has ever, and I mean ever treated me like I was anything less than a blood relative. I cherish my grandparents on his side, as well as the rest of the extended family. They never cared for one second that I didn't look like them or have any DNA connection. In fact, it has never been brought up. And I certainly didn't feel any less loved by them, ever. And that family as well as my dad, well, they've always acted like they couldn't be more proud of me. I admit, I always get a little jump in my heart when I hear Dad introduce me as his daughter. He's never once said I am anything less. That is more important to me than I can properly convey in words. Something you guys with 2 parents take for granted, I know. But it's okay...it's right that you have a dad to call you his offspring. But it's extra special to me. So anyways, I just wanted to make it public. Give the man a little credit. My mom & him didn't stay married past us being maybe 4 years old but he always stuck by me for all of my 28 years. He didn't have to. For that, he is owed way more than an entry on my website. But he knows he has my undying gratitude. I just wanted to introduce him to you all.

Oh, and he reminds me of Bill Murray. And that’s just awesome.

Happy Father's Day, Dad!

GWO

Awwww. This weekend was another installment of Wife Liberation Front / Girls Weekend Out. Not sure what # we're on at this point, but it's been almost 4 years of necessary friendship and sisterhood. I couldn't make it without these girls. Sadly though, I don't have a lot of photographic evidence of the visit. I didn't pick up my camera until the last night.

Hwever, there are some pictures here during the dinner party SIS threw us. And man, was it yummy.

Anyways, go to Flickr to see the pics and have yourself a very relaxing Sunday evening.

Hiatus

I've been lacking on putting up my self-portraits for the 365 Project in Flickr and I will probably be slow in posting here until Sunday. Just a heads up. I'm still alive and no, not in jail for ball removal on my abusive stepfather. I like to think that you all are waiting with bated breath for my next witty post. It keeps me happy, eh?

My Wife Liberation Front girls will be here on Thursday until Sunday and we have an action packed weekend of wine, cake, food, wine, shopping, cake, and blues festivals to attend too. In the meantime, I'll be scrubbing our apartment within an inch of its life to get rid of all the dog hair. Kaboom, I don't know how you aren't bald.

In the meantime, have a gut laugh at this...HA HA HA HA HA HA I love anything having to do with the pope-mobile.

Moment of Silence

I'd like everyone to take a moment of silence today...for Capital One Visa. They will no longer be ass raping us over with their ridiculous interest rates and finance charges. I'm sure they will survive without us, but I'm not sure their days will be filled with as much joy as they once had.

I will never forget the times we've had. Running hand in hand through fields with the 28.15% APR or the $50.00 late charges snuck on the bill if I send in the payment before it's due but they don't deposit until a day after. All those times I heard them whisper "just use us!" when I was at the store and out of cash. That $20.00 shirt from Target, now $60.00 from the interest and months of only paying minimum.

So good-bye Capital One. It was a beautiful run and we had fun while it lasted. But honestly, and I mean this, it's not me, it's you.

***Cancellation letter sent today! One down!***

Someday She Will

I am constantly in awe by how well Dutch and Wood write at Sweet Juniper, heck I even bought their kids book, but I think this is especially beautiful....

"Here I am, freshly-30-years old, a parent of a two-year old. I should be burdened by the heft of parental responsibility. I should be losing my hair and starting college-savings plans. I should be working hard in some office somewhere, not sitting around playing all day. That's not just my own father's voice talking, but some deeply-ingrained cultural imperative. Men work. They provide. They put meat on the table. They lose their hair from all the stress. Men have ambition. They seek power. They don't consider a 4-mile jog and an enormous sandcastle to be acceptable accomplishments for a weekday. Obviously, I've learned not to be seduced by this way of thinking.

But the guilt that I feel for living like this does accomplish one thing: most of the time it prevents me from complaining. Some men don't just feel like they should be providing; they actually need to be. They have no alternative. That makes me feel very lucky, even when my greatest accomplishment on any given day is nothing more than successfully cleaning crayon off a wall. Even when my child is on her third temper tantrum of the morning I feel fortunate to get to do what I do. It is a privilege that I wish every dad in the world could have if he wants it."

Beat Kitchen

What started as a really relaxing week of visiting and food, turned into a Thursday night on the phone dealing with my mother's abusive husband. Trying not to drive to HomeTownVille and pull his balls off with pliers, we decided to just have a quiet weekend here at home.

In our quest to pay off bills using the patented Debt Snowball Method I've decided to pick up some extra work where I can. Besides selling jewelry, which isn't really all that lucrative as it is fun, I interviewed at a bar last night to be a bartender. By far my favorite interview of all time because I got to drink a pint of Blue Moon for free during the questions. Every job interview should be as good.

Speaking of the debt snowball, it's coming along beautifully. So hopefully this extra money will come about so it can go even faster. Faster=better. In fact, one credit card is being canceled at the end of the month, followed by 2 more the consecutive months because they will be paid off. I already have the "FUCK YOU!" letters written and ready to send! We're set to be completely debt free by March 08. After the last 2 years of not exactly knowing whether we can afford dog food, that's pretty god damn comforting.

One of these days I'll do a post explaining it for those that don't want to read the book. My GWO girls are all doing it and helping each other. They even created spreadsheets and scanned breakdowns. Those girls...ahh....so glad they are coming up next weekend.

Anyhoo, have a good weekend. I'll be posting pictures randomly as I'm set to babysit the Con-enator tomorrow and going book shopping today. Try not to get your ass beat in your front yard by your husband. Will ya? I only have so much rage and right now it's been directed towards a certain redneck cocksucker. Thanks!