“No matter how good he looks, some other girl is sick and tired of putting up with his crap.” - Confucious
I want to have babies, a ton of them...well okay, maybe just two, but I want to have them in the next year to two years. We’ve started making some plans and figuring out how we can make this happen and some of that includes implementing our plan for theMan staying home and taking care of them while I work the 9-5 gig.
First things first: I have nothing against daycare. It’s what some of us have to do so let’s not even get into that debate. However, since we got married we’ve always said that he would stay home with the kids while I worked. I don’t want to stay home because quite honestly I like working, interacting with adults and having work related goals away from home. I’m also very good at what I do and I like the satisfaction of it. I also like being in control of our money flow and I’m a wee obsessed with my resume.
Quite honestly, being home with our kids all day would require me to be the boss and although I’m good at making things happen, I don’t feel comfortable being the one responsible for what my offspring do all day. However, I think theMan would be pretty great at that. He’s 100% on board with how we want to raise children, he’s way more dedicated at research and following through with things like their nutrition, their education, etc. and quite frankly I’m curious to see how our kids would grow up with those traditional roles reversed. I imagine they won’t be able to be rocked to sleep without some
Alex Jones screaming in the background.
Plus, I’m the one with a career and he’s more of the free spirit (i.e. part time job). So in this regard I feel like we’re all set. He agrees, I agree. Blamo. Going down to one income won’t be too much of a stretch either because his income right now isn’t huge anyways. I carry insurance on us so that would only change slightly when we add kids.
So why do I still feel like I have to choose between my career and my children? Like I’m making the wrong choice. All I gotta do in this fantasy set up we’ve arranged is get knocked up, go to some doctor appointments and pop them out. We’ll be on maternity leave together so we can get the hang of a newborn as a unit before I leave him alone with it all day and I’m back at the office climbing that corporate ladder knowing my kids are going to be reading from the
Cosmic Trigger series by age 3.
Yesterday I was semi-sorta promoted and I get a new office and new responsibilities (sadly not a pay raise yet). I’m also on track for taking some tests to get an extra certification which would make my resume glimmer like Paris Hilton’s freshly waxed buttcrack. But I just can’t shake that it’s wrong. I feel like I have to stop thinking about those things now that I want to have kids. OR I’m choosing my career over them. OR I’m going to constantly have to defend our choice. OR maybe I should wait to have kids until my career doesn’t mean as much to me. OR one day my daughter will write her own version of "Mommy Dearest."
This doesn’t help that my mother seems to be embarrassed about her son-in-law staying home with her grandkids instead of me doing it or sending them to daycare. In her world we both need to work and whatever I decide, I’ll always wish I could stay home instead. “You’ll see” She never said specifically that she was embarrassed but the constant insisting that he work
at least such and such job part time or that our kids
HAVE to go to daycare or preschool or they will be weird...I just get the hint. My mother, anything but subtle.
Thankfully theMan could give two shits about what anyone thinks of him and our plan. I think it’s eternally cool that he’s willing to stay home and make this his career, our family.
I’m not going to believe that I will be one of those mothers that puts a soft focus on things. I like that about my friends and even my family. We’re abrasive, we tell it like it is, we say what is on our minds. I just figured this one area of my life wouldn’t be a fight. I wouldn't give in to that stupid guilt and remember it's not about what other people think is right.
I think a lot of this is coming from our culture. We’re supposed to be strong, independent women that have careers, executive husbands, an SUV, 3 babies and a clean 3 story ranch house. “They” never tell us how to do all these things but by god you better stick to that agenda or expect to have meth addicted kids drooling over their lunchables and mainlining cola by 18 while they are at a 3rd grade reading level.
The role I’m going to take is traditionally the man’s but the guilt I’m feeling is definitely a woman’s.
