Wellbutrin, I love you

After 4 grueling, ever worsening months of PPD I finally went to the doctor Friday to discuss some options.

I feel like I'm under water, like I can't laugh or be completely light. I feel heavy. I sleep 8 hours yet I'm still exhausted. I cry for no reason. In fact, I cried in the doctor's office waiting room.

If I sit peacefully and stare into space my thoughts immediately go to doom, gloom and anxiety. I cannot relax. Ever. After polling my friends and my sister and hearing them say "You've not been the same since you gave birth." Well, it sorta sealed the deal.

So I went to my doctor, not my OB but my regular guy, who always makes me feel like a person. We talked for about an hour and now I have some options and a plan.

And now, as I sit here 2 days later I cannot believe I didn't do this sooner.

I just spent a wonderful 3 days with my little girl and even though she had a fever, had a freak-out, we sat in the house all weekend, I felt so peaceful and happy and light. Even her fever didn't get me sobbing, I just took care of it and went on.

I guess she could tell too, as she finally giggled at me. A joy only reserved for her dad so far. I wish I would have had the courage to seek help sooner. I was terrified of being on medication but as I sat there tears in my eyes in the doctor's office and him naming off all of the symptoms I have felt, it seemed the right thing to do.

He wants me to get therapy and see him again in 3 weeks, as well as medication. I could kiss him.