Mother's Day

Man, having this little green olive (that’s how big it is now) in me is making me do a big ol’ 180. I haven’t missed boozing or 11:00 p.m. or cute clothes and high heels one bit. In fact, all I can think about is 1.) not puking, 2.) where are my Tums?!?!, 3.) Will my pants stay up as I stand at the copier, even though completely unbuttoned? and 4.) What the hell kind of mother am I going to be?!

All I keep thinking about is our moms. Chadd’s mom was fucking awesome. And I am using that f-word in the strongest most brutal sense: She was fucking AWESOME. Up for anything, laughed with her whole body, didn’t give a shit what people thought of her, cared about her family fiercely, even when she shouldn’t have at times, welcomed me from day one, could make a mean casserole, and took care of her boys, basically alone.

This is the woman that hid theMan’s BB guns from him so well he never found them until she gave them to him, I think, after his graduation. She wouldn’t let him leave the yard to play and always kept her police scanner on to catch him at his tricks. Yet this is the same woman that gave him a painted skull she made as a gift. She came to his band performances and put his “Schmerzen” sticker on her car proudly. She let theMan have her basement to turn into “hell” with chains and loud music. She didn’t mind his weird obsession with Freddy Kruger or him taking a chainsaw to the school’s Halloween dance.

She also took me out for my 21st birthday for white Russians and tenderloins. The woman loved life. I wish I could still hug her and hear her whole body laugh.

Then on my side there is my mom, and not to mention a ton of strong, fierce women who all helped raise me and my sister. But mom was the kind of woman that did up your birthday, Valentine’s Day, any holiday, BIG. Even when we didn’t have the money, we were going to celebrate being alive, by god. We went everywhere and she made sure we hit all the sights. She never let 3 seconds go by without some sort of plan for fun. She also let us have the freedom to roam the streets of our small town. She would let us have a campfire on school nights and shoot guns and drive her car up and down the road when we were only 12. This is a woman who enjoys the moment and doesn’t get all anxious too much about the future.

She’s very thoughtful, caring and worries that people are having a good time. She also saved my ass from being held back in the 4th grade because I think she knew I just hated my teacher, not that I was “bad at math and not paying attention” as Ms. Mingus suggested.

Mom also works very hard and always has. Even staying in situations just so we had a roof over our head. She’s a tough one, mom.

So maybe I’ll try to be a mixture. All me, but a little crazy, tough, fun, adventurous and loving all mixed in. All the while teaching our kids about these ladies until we’re blue in the face.

Or I’ll send them to military school until puberty is over because seriously, I cannot handle chainsaws taken to school.