Pie Destroyer Takes Chicago

Instead of smoke breaks at work, I take “internet breaks.” At least that is my reasoning should I ever get in trouble if they browse my computer history.

Some gems:

1.) This year’s Halloween Costume courtesy of Fark.com: Gargantua the pie destroyer

2.) Photos of actual sex phone operators here.

With my favorite quote from one of them:

“I’m 60 years old, have a B.A. in Cultural Anthropology from Columbia University, and married for 25 years. I have a son in his last years of college who lives at home. He’s a 4.0 with a double major in English Literature and Religion. Men call me for an infinity of reasons. Of course, they call to masturbate. I call it “Executive Stress Relief.” It’s not sex; it’s a cocktail of testosterone, fueled by addiction to pornography, loneliness, and the need to hear a woman’s voice. I make twice the money I made in the corporate world. I work from home, the money transfers into my bank account daily. I’m Scheherezade: If I don’t tell stories that fascinate the Pasha, he will kill me in the morning.”

ANYHOO. I just finished (well 3 days ago…) one of the best weekends I’ve had in a long time. A weekend that makes living in Chicago worth every penny of inflated rent and grocery prices, every $5.00 gallon of gas, every 45 minute commute to go 2 miles.

Thursday our friend Jason and his lovely girlfriend (I almost put “assistant”...weird. I think it’s because 1.) apparently I think subconsciously he’s a magician and 2.) she would probably dig the title, but I digress...) took us to the Air Guitar Championship Regionals something or other at the Metro. The best part though? Chris got us press passes so we had FULL access to everything. Backstage, green room, balcony with seating. I’m a sucker for backstage anything. I love seeing how things work like that! But the real enjoyment went to theMan who got to photograph EVERYTHING. He even sat on stage and got shots while they performed. He was like a pig in shit!

I am now indebted forever to Chris so I have to make her pancakes whenever she wants. Even if it’s 3:00 a.m.

Friday my company had a summer outing out in the burbs for everyone’s family. I got dressed up in my best full-figured Gwen Stefani and made my way out with some girlfriends for cocktails, baby stealing (I kept taking people’s babies...I couldn’t help it), and bouncy castle jumping. It was so nice out there. I hope they have it there again. I even paddle-boated and not once did I spill my cocktail. This was even in a dress and heels! My god, that “how to be a classy lady” training is paying off.

Until later...when my pal A. has me go to a pub for 4 hours of drinking fine beers and eating gourmet porkbelly and onion & goat cheese tarts until so drunk that I think listening to a cover band and doing Jager shots is an excellent idea (actually, it was). Ended up doing karaoke (finally singing Dolly Parton live!) and eating fried pork at a salsa club at 2:00 a.m.
Aw, Chicago.

Saturday, well...I was hungover and I’m a large supporter of being totally lazy when hungover. So I ate cheese for breakfast, cleaned the house a little, had supper with theMan on a patio at a restaurant (I had greasy eggs and toast) and then came home and went to bed at 7:00 p.m.

Sunday, graveyards (4!), shopping, and a bottle of wine with friends.

Really, truly, Chicago…you are my home.