Bad News Friday

It's 1:10 and I want to go home....really bad. So how do I pass the time? Coughing up chunks of lunch from laughing so hard at Bad News Hughes:

"Somehow, in my life, and God knows how, really, I’ve become acquainted with a number of these disagreeable exercises. For years, at least in my social circles, it was common on festive occasions for someone at some point in the evening to simply pull their scrotum through their fly and start bellowing, “I SAT IN SOME GUM! I SAT IN SOME GUM!” And lo, the hilarity would never fail to doth commence, I swear."

And later…

"The worst was the time someone shat into a hot dog bun, slathered it with mayo, relish and all your favorite condiments, and then stuck it in the microwave. They set the power on high and the cook time for the longest possible duration, and then left. I often think about this incident, mulling over the possible motivation for such an act and contemplating the potential presence of supernatural intervention, like maybe demonic possession was the cause, or, verily, perhaps even the influence of Loki.

As the story goes, various roommates kind of drifted in, wondering where the turd smell was coming from, but it took hours for them to discover it, like a satanic treasure hunt where the treasure has about the same effect on your sinuses, and perhaps will to live, as the Ark did on those Nazis."