Fat ass

I’m a little late to the game on this, but it’s something I’ve been swirling around in my head for a few days. Go read this post and all subsequent posts too.

I started at Tertia’s site and ended up at Twisty’s (who I love love love). The jist is as follows (for those of you who hate opening links because you forget what the hell you were reading to begin with and end up clicking on more links until you’ve bought a new 850-count Egyptian cotton sheet set for a bed that you don’t even own...)

Taken from Tertia’s site: The blogger has a very interesting post that says, in summary, that it is wrong to gain excessive weight (through neglect or a lack of caring, obviously not through reasons beyond one’s control) after you have married, because that is false advertising in a way. You got married when you were slim and trim and now a few years later you’ve let yourself go. Actually, here is the post entirely, she articulated it very well.

Then L wrote a post on the other side of the issue here – go read hers, because she almost presents the reality of the other side.

Now that we are all caught up....let me throw my hat in the ring.

I’m basically torn. My personal situation is that I weigh about the same but I take better care of my appearance now than I did when I was first married. Not that I’m necessarily thinner by leaps and bounds, but I look a lot different overall and I feel different about myself now, regardless of the scale. I also don't have children yet and other than my thyroid (which I gained 7 lbs. with), I haven't had any major illnesses. But can you believe I didn’t think I was entitled to spend money on getting my hair done or buying nice clothes for a very long time? Yea...thank you early 20’s.

On that note, I spent a lot of my early marriage trying to lose weight to please my husband, even though he wasn’t necessarily asking me too. I’ve finally stopped and it feels very good. I like most of my curves and though I still strive to get rid of the hail damage, most days I feel pretty darn good about myself at this weight. In my head I’ve switched to wanting to be healthy, not skinny.

theMan has completely transformed himself inside and out and feels great! I’m intensely proud of him. Sure I do have fears which pop up occasionally that now that he fits to the public’s general standards he will start pressuring me or looking elsewhere. Does that make me want to revert back to trying to get down to a certain weight so he’ll stay with me forever and ever? Hell fucking no. Am I more attracted to him now that he’s all muscular? Depends. I wasn’t really a looks kind of girl when I was hunting for a mate. I'm more relaxed that he's taking care of his health, than his body type. His heart scares me and I want to grow old with him. The scenery has definitely improved on some levels but it doesn’t make me any more or less attracted to him. He’s just easier to throw around now, which is handy. And his butt cheeks fit perfectly in my hands. That’s always nice.

Basically my opinion is that every single person on this planet is exactly the same as far as general make-up goes, but every single person on this planet has very very very different experiences that shape them into how they feel, who they are and how they view themselves and their relationships. I cringe when people speak lump sum statements or group people, especially women since that is an issue I feel strongly about. I don’t necessarily feel the original poster lumped anyone together. If it works in their relationship to keep up appearances as they have always been, then so be it, for them.

Should I expect my husband to be upset if I totally let myself go and gained 50 lbs. in 6 months for no reason? Yes, he’s human and in OUR situation that would be allowed to an extent. But would it really be for no reason? No, for me, probably not.

If that happened do I think, like L., that he should not take me in public or to his office for Christmas parties? He better fucking hope he hires a limo and buys me flowers before he even thinks about pulling that shit. Because I am human and that is OUR situation.

On the other hand, should I expect him to just shut his fucking trap if that weight gain was due to having children or an illness or menopause? Absolutely. Maybe that’s a double standard but I would expect the same of me to him.

As I said in an earlier post, I feel a lot of our culture inherently makes women compete with each other and for men. I really do. And weight is just another mark on that list of things we’re supposed to be better than each other at. Ladies, think of how you see an overweight person or a thin woman? Do you, like me, automatically see how you measure up?