2006?

I cannot freaking believe it’s mid-November. Things that make me not believe it even further:

1.) We have not turned on the heat yet. Oh, it’s cold, we sleep in thermal underwear and sweatshirts and we should have by now, but when we turned it on for 2 days in October during GWO the bill was $50.00+. Now add 28 more days on to that. You get my drift? Tonight we’re going to check into space heaters. Last night when we were in the shower, we just stood there, longer than normal, swapping back and forth under the hot water not wanting to go back outside the bathroom into the freezing cold air. I swear our house is colder on the inside than the weather outside sometimes.

2.) I haven’t shopped for the food for our Thanksgiving Dinner this Sunday. I’m excited about it, I love to cook, but actually purchasing a turkey sure makes me feel like this year is about over.

3.) My mother has only just now purchased our Christmas presents and has begun calling to tell each one of us what she got the other ones. Usually she has this done in June and the calls start about halfway home from her trip to the mall when it’s still light outside when I get off work and I’m still wearing my beloved flip flops.

The stores are starting to sneak their Christmas decorations up by now and as long as the songs don’t start too early, I think I’ll manage.

I’m not as stressed this year for some reason. For my family it’s been a really bad year in some ways, so bad it’s like having a weight on our chest. My cousin’s shocking death earlier this year, a lot of my grandparents all on their last legs, my gramps coughing up blood, my grandma hating her new home at the nursing home, my best friend struggling with infertility. But then a really good one in other ways. My sister is healthy, the family’s first great-grandchild is on the way, we’re alive and together, right?

I’m actually looking forward to seeing everyone. I think this is the first year I am starting to really treasure my family.

On my mom’s side my cousin’s death is going to hang in the room like a black curtain for sure. However, if he were here, he’d flash that smile and enjoy us all and our stories like we always do. I guess I just want to give that to him, to his memory. Hopefully if nothing else, we can all just lean on each other this year. I bet he would have wanted that.