Creeping death

Last week I reported in one of my tidbits that if you didn't want your cubicle to smell like a slaughterhouse, you shouldn't eat egg whites daily. But no, I have misreported and misrepresented my little friends, the egg whites. It was not them in their yellow-y protein filled goodness that made the creeping death spill from my white delicious hind quarters. Oh no, it was maltinol.

We narrowed it down to waffles & syrup or egg whites. And today after making myself lose my own appetite on my little silent killers, we got our answer. We bought this new syrup that is fat free and made with a sweetener called "maltinol" so it would be very low in calories. It actually tastes great too, just like syrup. But now we know the reprecussions from straying from the naturally sweet goodness of real maple syrup.

When consumed, you cause your co-workers to look at you in horror, while you utter a muted "sorry" and hurry them out of your cube.

Now doing a search on Google will not bring any answers. However, I am 100% positive that little sweetener is what is causing my ass trauma. Your stomach gurgles about an hour after eating it, and it's just constant LOUD, smelly farts, repeated over and over. You fart, feel better for about a minute, then the gurglings start again. Today, they were mercifully not loud, but my god....

I have now named them "Maltinol Bombs." Please, Mayor Daley, can we issue a warning siren not unlike those for a nuclear attack or impending tornado?