Friday Fives-Early!

It’s been awhile. In fact, I feel like it’s been years since I was actually entertaining. So not only am I going to give you 2 Friday Fives a whole freaking DAY before Friday is even here?!?!? I’ve purchased a book written by a blogger I love to help me come up with better entries. Nobody Cares What You Had for Breakfast: 100 Ideas for your Blog by the lovely Maggie. Should be here in all its autographed glory any day now.

My New Year’s Resolution for 2007, besides cheering the fuck up? I’m going to get more serious about my writing on here. So here goes...short of scrolling marquees and midi music playing in the background, I can think of no other way to entertain you today than having you read about what I think.

A Friday Five close to my heart and my addiction…

ALL ABOUT CELEBRITIES!

1. Are you related to anyone famous or do you have any famous friends? If so, who?

I’m a descendent of Clark of Lewis & Clark. Funny because my maiden name was Lewis and we usually can’t find shit or follow directions in my family. But hey. Famous friends? I have a feeling my pal Jen K will be accepting an Oscar any day now. Plus our pal Matt "Voice of Satan" Lombard has been doing wonderful things with art and moving on up in the world. I feel priviledged to know both of them!

2. Do you have any autographs or memorabilia?
I never feel right having people sign stuff to keep, so I just let rockstars feel me up. I have had KMFDM sign my tits, I had Kristoff from Bile grab my ass and I got on Oghr’s bus and got several grabs at his lovely calves while on stage. I think I have a rock star complex.

As far as memorabilia goes I just like first editions of books. I have several Neil Gaimans and I'm to inherit some others from various grandparents. I treasure books.

3. If you could meet any 3 celebrities who would they be?
Jack White—to play me a song to walk down the aisle to when we renew our vows.

Neil Gaiman-to ask him if I could be his personal assistant and do research for him.

Madeline Albright-so I could pick her brain. I love her grace and how she handles working with powerful men and still preserving her power and opinions.

4. What would you want to be famous for doing?
Saving the world. Seriously, I better have a good story when I die or I’m haunting someone’s ass.

5. Who's the most annoying celebrity?

Paris F-ing Hilton. Why does she exist and why do people think she’s hot? She takes women back to the stone age because even I want to club her and drag her around by the hair. She is a cum dumpster. Besides her, Britney Spear’s reproductive abilities.

and bonus round....

Crushes
1) Who was your first crush? (Celebrity or average)

My grandparents next door neighbor probably. We played and played and played. He was the first boy that I could be friends with, so not sure if he was a crush.

2) Who do you currently have a crush on now?
Besides, theMan….would have to be Jim, from The Office. He’s my boyfriend, he just doesn’t know it.

3) Have you ever become so obsessed with a crush, you went to extreme measures to find out everything about him/her?
Um yes. Does google and imdb.com count?

4) Has your crush ever turned out to be your future girlfriend/boyfriend?
Yep. I crushed hard on theMan, stalked him at his house and his hang-outs, even showed up at his house to wake him up one morning. Tagged him and bagged him ladies.

5) Did a best friend ever turn into more than just a friend?

I had this really great guy friend the summer of one of my teenage years. We hung out, played basketball, talked, listened to music and one night we made out and his was the first penis I ever touched inside his clothes. I had absolutely no idea what to do with it either. The following day he moved and I never saw him again. Taking my class ring with him until my mom tracked it down. I assume I've gotten much better with the ways of the penis. No other man has left the state so far.