Fess Up

I’ve started reading Maggie Mason’s “No One Cares What You Had for Lunch” and have decided to incorporate her ideas at least weekly into this blog here.

It’s one of those New Years resolutions that I made: Be more entertaining to you all in 2007.

So the first topic to write about: How do you fail?

Wait, she wants me to tell you what?

How sometimes if my hair is greasy I’ll just straighten it and hope for the powers of the Chi Flat-Iron to hide my squalor? That I don’t rinse off the dishes before putting them in the dishwasher? I’ll just run it twice even though I’m supposed to be all about the environment.

That I cannot watch Steel Magnolias without bawling at the funeral scene even though I’ve seen it 1,000,000,003 times.

There is no way I could tell you about how I've failed at being a girl because I don’t wear blush. Only because when I was 16 and reading Seventeen Magazine religiously there was an article with Drew Barrymore and she said she rarely uses it, so I vowed not to either.

But if I told you about how somewhere in our house there exists a tape of me doing karaoke to love songs but how I was too mortified to give it to theMan as his gift and made him a card instead. That I was hoping he’d find it about 10 years after I was dead so then MAYBE then I could live with the mortification.

No, that’s just too embarrassing.