Animal Rescue

My grandmother is really big into genealogy because she’s a Mormon and I think it’s a requirement to get into the Celestial Kingdom. However, it has proven useful in diagnosing our family dynamics.

The thing we’ve learned from these genealogies is that we are a family of women that once we get an idea in our head, it sticks. We live a really long time but we all have big asses and are crazy as hell.

For instance, a story I particularly love is when my great-great grandmother took an axe to my great-great grandfather. She didn’t kill him and after a short stint in an institution, they got back together and produced more of our fucked up lineage. My great-grandmother was diagnosed with depression for awhile when I was around 13 and died well into a state of severe dementia. Almost all of the women are on “nerve” pills which I won’t even begin to ask what the names of them are. I just know they all down them and swap them at family get-togethers to “get through the day.” However, I don’t remember any of them telling me they got them through their therapists/psychologists.

So I suppose from this you can see why I’m more than a little hesitant on asking Dr. Happiness for some medication to help with these black angry moods that well up inside me every couple of months. The one I’m smack dab in the middle of right now. The one that is causing me to barely breath, to feel like I can’t shut off my racing mind enough to fall asleep or read or concentrate, the one that has completely obliterated my sex drive so much that before when I needed a battery for something I’d take it from the TV remote before even touching the Tupperware Full of Pleasure’s treasure chest of battery operated goodies. Now, I think the speed bump lined “Intrepid” is the only one fully stocked with Energizers.

It’s making me tired. It’s making me anxious. It’s making me antsy and irritable. I also can’t shake this cold and as is so typical of my body, my appetite is unreal. I eat and eat and eat and am still hungry.

I was thinking of the image of if people had to be put on a shelf in a store before “God” or whoever set them on the earth. We’d come with little signs like Dog Pounds put on cages for potential adoptees.

Mine might read: “Breed has long history of anxiety and weight problems. Monitor food carefully. Protective of owners and good with children. Easily excitable when presented with potential shoe or handbag sale. Easy to groom. Keep in warm climate. Indoor pet mostly.”