Therapy Vol. 2

I noticed something this last week after my first therapy session. I felt more peaceful than I've felt in a long time, even others commented on it. But it started to wear off around Saturday night, I'll be honest. So I'm all about meeting weekly folks. Today was Session #2 and here's a very personal account of the appointment.

That poor woman. I feel like the flood gates open up. I start talking and I don't even know if I'm making sense but she keeps up, best I can tell.

This week's "homework": More boundary setting. I realized that I feel best when I take care of myself more, and I need time alone and that's okay. Plus I treat those around me better when I take care of myself. Also, I'm an extrovert at heart it seems and that is not a bad thing (I always felt guilty about it). Which she defined as feeding off being around people, bouncing ideas off others, psychically refueling with others instead of alone. I can and should withdraw when I need to, but mentally knowing why I'm withdrawing is key. Defining it and what I'm feeling while I'm doing it and why I need it. Then I can have control over it and use the time wisely. (Jen & Erica, can we say GWO!? Heh.)

She said I already have consciousness of what I'm doing which is a big step. And some of the things I asked her about what I feel, if I was "normal," she said I was. Amazing at what I thought I knew was normal and how now I'm questioning it.

Also, she didn't necessarily suggest finding another job, but she made me realize why I'm so unhappy here and where I'd fit in happier elsewhere. And she mentioned that while interviewing I should ask about the team, the work ethic and the organizational flow of the place, more than just pay and hours. Since those are things that are obviously more important to me in a healthy workplace. That I tend to absorb problems because I want to help and be generous, but I'm absorbing problems and having compassion for things I don't care about and it's draining me.

Another big problem I have lately is that I feel restless, and about 18 mentally instead of 26. She thinks it's because I had to be so grown up when I was younger, taking care of people, my family breaking apart, etc. That now that I'm settled I'm going through what I should have went through then. Interesting.

This is the best money I've ever spent on myself. Which is why I feel the need to be open about it on this blog. I feel like the world needs therapy, well, at least Bush. ;)

Although I feel a little nervous this week after the appointment, not so much peaceful. I think it's mostly because she opened my eyes up to things I hadn't considered and that's unsettling, plus I have a lot of changes coming. Stupidly, I can't shake that she thinks I'm nuts for some reason. Need to work on that fucking self esteem thing, eh? Ha ha. That and she doesn't give me solid solutions to problems, I'm not used to that. I'm a quick fix kinda girl.

It feels good to have that appointment set up for next week, all set in stone. Better than Prozac.

OH! And so this post isn't completely without help for you all...I just had the best coffee!!! Pumpkin Spiced Latte from Starbucks....my god. Even though I felt completely guilty about giving money to them instead of our local coffee shop, it was just what I needed. ;)