Multiple Orgasms

I could literally watch this all day.

There are some films that feature men or scenes that are so sexy I find myself uncomfortable watching twice. “Walk the Line” was like that for me. I don’t think I could ever watch it again because Joaquin Pheonix, is so incredibly hot in that film that it makes my stomach turn and my knees ache. In fact, I don’t think I can watch “Parenthood” again without feeling like a pedophile.

Hell, “Troy” was like that too. I can’t believe no one told me about the insane amount of screen time Brad Pitt’s bare ass gets in that film. I blame Jennifer since 1.) she OWNED the movie and 2.) knows how I feel about Brad Pitt ass.

There is another film out now that I feel as though I should see alone for that reason. “Brokeback Mountain” features the one man that I would take it in the ass for without lubrication. (Sorry hubby, but I’m pretty sure you’d take it in the ass for her in the same way ). Ever since the brilliant film "Donnie Darko" (another that’s hard to watch twice due to sexiness), I’ve had a special place in my groin region for Jakey Poo.

So today, I click on Perez Hilton’s site, saw the clip featuring him kissing Heath Ledger and had to excuse myself from my cubicle. Then again, more clips and bigger pixels on PopSugar. I think I need a minute.

Of course, like a loyal sister I sent Sis the links so she could too enjoy the heavenly chocolately goodness that is Jake and Heath hard kissing like they can't wait to rip each other's clothes off.....excuse me, I feel faint. We've been saying lines from the preview of that film for the past 2 months. If you walk by our house at certain times you'll hear "I can't quit you!" or "You boys don't go up there just to fish!" over the din of vegetables frying and the dog barking, just imagine when we actually experience the full 2 hour orgasm of the film.

I sorta half expect to see only women and gay men in the theater for this one, all sitting at least 2 seats away from each other so it’s not awkward when we get all squirmy.

It got me to thinking though. I’ve always been an advocate for equal parts nudity on screen for men AND women, even though we know it's well off balance. However, maybe seeing these gods totally naked all the time would make them lose their allure? I certainly don’t get all up in arms about seeing Drew Barrymore’s tits at this point when I used to think she was gorgeous. Joaquin didn’t get naked once in “Walk the Line” and I felt like running my tongue up that scar on his lip for the better part of the 2 hours of that film. (I’m a girl that likes her men a little screwed up in some way, so the scar...HOT.) So hey, maybe I don't need nudity, just some passionate making out then and again and a flash of those edible shoulders.

Yes, I realize I should get a subscription to Teen Beat and get on with it already.