It's late and I can't sleep. I have a load of things on my mind that I just decided to blog. And yea, I realize a lot of people read this, but it's not only a site for me to try to be entertaining, it's also a journal of sorts so here goes.

I realized a couple things tonight. For instance, I opened a journal I keep that mostly gets used when I'm really upset, pissed off or especially happy. So basically whenever I feel something extremely, well extreme. I started to list a few things that had been going on and it was the first time I was able to write something totally positive about my sister. I read entries from Christmas when my mom had to put away her unopened gifts because we didn't know where she was and it was depressing her. When she had left Wisconsin to live in her boyfriend's van. When she came to stay with us for a week and it was one of the most emotionally draining weeks of my life. I guess I realized how much it hurt. Even my handwriting was different from now. One line struck me too. I wrote something like "I don't think she will ever make it out of this alive." So I'm going to just be thankful, yea maybe a little skeptical because that's just me, but mostly thankful. My Grams went to visit her this last weekend and said she radiated a happiness that she had never seen from her before. She was mad because she got a 99.6% on a test instead of 100%. That they might make her validictorian and give her an internship to work with other people after she gets out because she was such an influence on them there. You have to understand, my sister hasn't had long term goals in years. So this makes me happy and it makes my family especially happy. My dad called to tell me he'd talked to her and he sounded so relaxed. Even when he was talking about other problems, he was laughing them off. And one of the things I treasure is my dad making a joke and laughing the way he does. I couldn't ask for anything better. So yea, she's a Christian now, and maybe more than I can handle at times, but I'll accept it like I accepted her addiction. For some reason, her addiction was easier. I guess when you are negative about something for so long and get your hopes up and let down, it's hard not to be cynical. Besides pessimistic people live shorter lives than optimistic....I'm not ready to punch out my mortal card just yet.

Geez, after 10:30 I get so emotional. I do my best thinking late at night. I gotta find a job that starts at noon and lasts until 5 p.m. but still pays my bills.

Well, I think I'm officially tired so I'll sign off. Just needed to vent and burn my retinas a little with the screen. I'll get back to posting links tomorrow. Actually I have an article from the new Playboy I want to post. It's on drinks that are down right vicious. (Here's a hint: Cement Mixer: Shot of Bailey's, hold in your mouth, then do a shot of lime juice and swish around)

So chow lovelies!

P.S. Happy Birthday Anita (belated)!