Grams

Hey all. Sorry for the lack of updates. I've taken a few days off work and traveled to IN until tomorrow morning to help my family clear out our grandparents house as we've put her in a nursing home due to back injuries.

This sucks and I've cried about 35 times. We're selling their farm too, the house our great-grandparents built. A house we love. I just want to bottle up the smell of old wood and linens.

So between seeing their house all torn apart, to finding birthday cards to Grandpa, to her pile of clothes pins, hell I'm even sentimental about the doorknobs...and then seeing our grandma look like she aged about 30 years since a couple months ago. I hate this and I kinda want to drive until I forget where I'm at. Just to be properly dramatic.

I hated leaving her in that nursing home last night. She looked so excited we were there. I think I died a little. My dad, brother & I got some beers last night and sat around and listened to music and drank. I also ate so horrible that I was sick. But in times of sadness, hey, we all have our vices, right? Ha!

I just want to look at everything and soak it in and collect every square inch of her and the house and....I don't want to forget anything, ever. It's like we have to protect our memories because they are being taken away.

It's just stuff, I get it. But it's what it represents. An end of an era, an end of seeing that little house at the end of the long drive and knowing you are going to be welcomed and everything is right in the world while you are there.

Nothing makes me apreciate my health and life like this shitty week.