I'm tired......so tired.

But what a difference a gay makes. I love this show. It makes my Tuesdays entertaining after working almost 12 hours in this grey, dingy cubicle.

So I have some things on my mind today that I want to write about. This week my sister and mom are coming up to stay the night. However, it's kinda for a weird, sad reason. She got sentenced after many continuances, and part of it is that she has to go north for a year to a religious boot camp place. So they are stopping by to say good-byes and such. And no matter how much better this place is than prison, it's still strange that this isn't a choice for her like all her stints in rehab. This is mandatory, handed down from a judge as well as a ton of other stipulations. I don't know how to feel about it other than strange.

There are all kinds of weird rules at this place too. She can only wear "church clothes", so ankle length dresses, etc. No outside books, music or outside mail from people other than certain family members (no uncles, isn't that weird?). When she's in her room she has to sit in the chair, not on the bed. You can only shower for 3 minutes. Things like that. She cannot receive any mail or phone calls until after 3 weeks and then from only certain designated family members and at certain times. Plus everything is monitored. We can visit her in a month I think, but we have to wear the same church clothes and are monitored so we don't swear or talk about outside "topics" I'm assuming like drugs and stuff. The no swearing ought to be interesting. I can't even type in this blog without swearing.

I'm eternally grateful that she isn't on the streets anymore or strung out. And I haven't spent hardly any time with her in the past 3 years while she's been fucked up, but knowing there is a time set on the next time I can see her is sorta weird. One whole year. I don't know how people in prison do it. If I work more than 8 hours I feel like my life is sucked away from me. Trust me, I'm totally a person who feels people should be held responsible for their actions. I'm completely grateful for her sentence and the fact that the judge seemed to understand she's addicted to heroin, not a thief for any other reason than to feed her addiction. She could have gotten it so much worse than she did. It's just bizarre how she ended up here. Anyone can end up here.....it sounds like a god damn after-school special. I don't want anyone I care about to be a statistic.

My mom is telling everyone she's going off to "school" to make it sound better and keep it positive. I suppose that's okay, whatever blows your skirt up. I guess I'm more honest or cynical, either way, I'm not one for mixing words so sometimes I think I come off as harsh to my family. We fight about it at times. Sometimes I wonder if when I tell people about it they think I'm trying to make myself look better....I hope not.

All I know is I miss my sister. She's the only sister I have and I want her to be okay again.