2 jokes for you (warning: not exactly politically correct):
First:
q.) 2 gay men were having sex one day and were hit by lightening and killed. Which one goes to heaven first?

a) The one on bottom. He already has his shit packed!

Another:
A guy walks into a bar and sits down. The bowl of peanuts on the bar start talking, telling him they like his shirt. The guy asks the bartender, "What's with these peanuts?"

The bartender says, "They are complimentary."

And finally:
Two bananas are sitting on a beach by the ocean. A turd floats by and says "Come on in, the water is fine!"

One banana looks at the other and says, "Do you believe that piece of shit?"